Never Have, Never Will

I understand and know that there are many reasons that people will cheat or stray from their committed relationships.
And by no means would I begin to judge those that do, its not my business.
But in my own mind and sense of morale it is not something I am capable of doing.
Not something that I could live with morally speaking. 
The guilt and knowledge of the potential hurt that I could cause the other person would literally eat me alive.

Upon entering the dating world I encountered many guys who were cheated on.
And the damage that it had caused was so apparent it broke my heart.
Good men, with big hearts, in so much pain that they cannot see past it.

My own guy that I have been with for the last three months being one of them.
And each time he shares his story, the hurt and pain is so apparent.
My heart just aches.
As I silently listen to him talk and view the pain in his eyes.

We talk often of the the effects our previous broken marriages have had on us.
We talk of our parents and there long standing marriages.
We talk of the people we see in public that are obviously committed.
We talk of the meaning of our vows when we said them.

In our hearts we both still believe in those words.......
BUT the pain of having those words thrown back in our face.
Puts a barrier between us.

One that I understand very well.....
For neither one of us wishes to be hurt in that way again.
So as I listen to his words and hear the pain in his words.

An overwhelming instinct to hold him in my arms and whisper in his ear.
"It's ok to trust me with your heart, let her go and let me in."

I have never cheated on my partners, through all the crap and issues we endured.
I remained loyal.  And being in a relationship with someone who has been hurt that way,
I know that I never could. 
snowberry75 snowberry75
36-40, F
4 Responses May 7, 2012

I feel u girl i wish my wife were like u but it is too late now continue be good.....

Is nice you guys have a good communication. When I think about people cheating reminds me the pain I went through and really don't wish anybody experience that

Aww snow...I think it's adorable that you are becoming a lil mushy!! A little "mush" can sometimes make the harder stuff a little easier to cope with!

I had to chuckle at your response my tender hearted mushy friend. LOL But you are right it does makes things way easier to cope with and I have come to realize it take much more strength to be a genuinely mushy then it does to be tough skinned. :)

Awww.....I do agree tho. To love and feel the warmth in the midst of all the hard coldness takes a definite sort of strength or maybe endurance or something!! :)

It might take a little more time for both of you to come around to total trust but being you've both endured heart ache and pain in relationships I bet it will give both of you a LOT more appreciation for what you have with each other..... He has to be comforted knowing you feel this way. I know so many folks who have been all but torn apart with this stuff. It is heart breaking.... :(

Time and patience for sure. One thing for sure is that it does allow me to truly appreciate the things that he does for me. In some ways my past has turned me into a total mush when it comes to appreciating things. The silliest of things will bring heart warmed tears to my eyes. Considering how tough I have to be its not always something I am comfortable with feeling. But I am also aware that to gain his trust I will have to learn how to be comfortable with that and extend the same trust to him that I want. LOL Easier said then done for sure.