But Im Getting One

I'm sure I'll be  harassed for this, but it's true. I was raised in a Christian home, and though I did not marry a Christian, when we were married we were both very much committed to working anything out and never getting a divorce.

Fast forward 3 years and we are separated just waiting for legal help to file. I STILL dont believe divorce should be as prevalent as it is, or that it should be taken lightly, or that marriage should be. I still believe marriage is a commitment you make for a life time. To a certain extent I still feel like Im doing something "wrong" but I know thats because of how I was raised.

That being said, it takes both people to make it such. If one party gives up trying to make a marriage work, the other be as committed as possible, and try as hard as they can, for as long as they can; the end result is that the person trying gets worn down, worn out, used up. Really when you're faced with choices like a lifetime of unhappiness for you and your children, or a divorce and a few years of unhappiness with the possibility of future happiness , which would you choose?

I think people, myself included so Im not being hypocritical, who absolutely dont believe in divorce are very closed minded and judgmental. You have no IDEA what it takes to change your mind until you're going through it. The story below me seems that way. You can never be 1000% sure you know a person and can be with them no matter what. Is there a set amount of time where you think you should automatically know 1000%? Is it 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? My husband and I went through high school together and were together 6 years before we married. If you'd ask me I would have told you that the love of my life would never ever in a million years become an alcoholic and consistently for years choose that vice over his family, to the point that we were poor, uneducated, and in danger of having no place to live because he could always budget in alcohol but not rent. I would have told you that you were insane if you'd told me my husband would tell me he hated me and wanted a divorce because I couldn't "accept" his drinking. Id have had you committed if you'd dare suggest that drinking would change my husband into an uncaring insensitive lazy control freak. I KNEW my husband 1000% when I married him. The sad reality is people change and you cant know how they will change or how you will change. Sure, you can know them 1000% when you get married, but there is no way to know with any certainty what the future holds for either of you.

So there it is. You dont have to agree with me but I just thought some other people might be in the same conundrum that I am, and be more willing to share their stories here if there was another viewpoint.

Twowrongs Twowrongs
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 25, 2009

Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce because the people hearts were hardened. In other words, they divorced because they had serious issues. You must forgive yourself for marrying someone that God did not send. You should also confess your decision to God and ask His forgiveness. I suggest these options because open confession is good for the soul. You will heal quicker and move on with your destiny. Don't forget that you have a purpose in life. Focus on your purpose and fulfill your passions. Joy will come from what you do. Finally, get counseling so that you want end up choosing the same person in your future. We can attract types of mates that are no good for us, over, and over and over...
http://apostlelockley.blogspot.com/ and author of Before I Say I Do

divorce is the cause of almost every evil in the world today....i hate the fact that i am divorced; and am sure that my self hatred is caused for the most part by the fact that i have been forced into being a part of something i know to be wrong in every way... it is unnatural for a person to be a parent and be either alone and thus sexually frustrated [as i have been for 5 years] or to be shamelessly looking for a new partner..when it will l.ikely take years and literally dozens of different men before a match is found......it makes me feel like a prostitute to act like this.............<br />
...it is just wrong and sick....and i am sad that i will spend the rest of my life alone because he cheated and wanted a divorce to be with his ho........i tried to date for 2 unsuccessful years and finally realized that men who date divorced women are just looking for easy sex and will never ever marry them.....that is when i opted out and i have been all alone for the last 5 years....<br />
..i miss being in a relationship but am resigned to the fact that i will ever gain be loved in that way.....divorce as i say is the cause of a mutitude of evil....if divorce was illigal social assistance would be almost non existant; and crime rates would lower.....

Tell my ex-wife that :)

Interesting story. When I was a little girl I didn't know there was such a thing as divorce. I thought Mommies and Daddies stayed together and loved each other forever. I am now working hard to be able to divorce and yet have a place to live and be able to continue in college. My husband seems heartbroken whenever I suggest us going our separate ways. We were separated for several years and due to illness and the economy I had to give up my home and live here at his place with him. He seems overjoyed by this and wants us to be a couple again. I, on the other hand, am trying hard to get back on my feet and leave. As a member of a christian faith I normally wouldn't consider divorcing but I honestly feel this man only wanted to use me to be a maid and a step-mother to his late first wife's children and he didn't care about me and my needs, wants, and desires.