Heart Broken; Hope Lost

I was "in love" for three years with a man who took me for granted half the time and then spent the rest of the time trying to change and control and hurt me. There were patches of REALLY great times but looking back now even those seem coated in deciet and manipulation. I thought that I was still just feeling bitter about ending on bad terms, I thought that I was over analyzing or blowing things out of proportion in an effort to feel better about the situation but the more I look around at the relationships around me the more Im convinced that love is a joke. I, myself as well as many around me give to relationships, fall into love forget about themselves lend their hearts to be walked upon, their needs to be ignored and their minds to be manipulated, is that what love is? Love just seems to be a transport to get you to the next stage of life, love is something to grow into and out of, love is a tool.
Many things make up the "love" feeling I think but that actual "connection" is an amalgamation of chemicals and happenstance and fairytale fantasies but as for "love" I just don't know anymore.
It's easier to see this from an outside perspective:
1) "love"="lust". People fall so fast but its because everyone jumps into bed together so quickly and they equate that euphoric honeymoon feeling with Love. Discounting all the things that go along with that label.

2) "love" is a label used to control. Once someone loves someone theres this assumption or expectation that you will do what they ask because if you love them you want to make them happy right? This is also used to change you.

3) The idea of "love" is fed to us by media. They fluff it up to make it seem like every chance encounter could be "the" one leading people to waste time and effort all people that probably aren't all that great, that probably would have never struck them at all if they didn't just "happen" to run into them unexpectedly-it must be fate.

4) love is acquired through the use of blinders and compromise. To fall in love many people lose sight of themselves AND their partner, they ignore things and problems for the sake of "love"

5) Love is a safety net. people that are wrong for eachother and/or not even happy together will stay together for love-whereis the love if you are miserable!?

Also, now that I have found this new out look, it has allowed me to look at men who are interested in me through a clearer lens. Men (not all but some) use the implication or hope of love as a means to confuse and manipulate.
     They try techniques and wording that is overly romantic sometimes and I suppose this works for them, I know that before I would think, "thats a little cheesy but sooo sweet" now I just think its a joke.
    They try make you seem special or important or unique to their world and in the moment it makes you feel happy and excited but when you have the ability to step back and really analyze the content of what their saying, you can see that it sometimes contradicts their actions, or that its not logical or possible and while its fun to get swept away in fairytale land with the hope of happily ever after its just not realistic and what good is euphoria if in the end you fall into despair?

I may be jumping the gun or only thinking still stuck on the heartache suffered a month ago but for now i think i prefer this new perspective, at least for a little while. instead of analyzing and wondering why I can just ignore it and pass it off as flattery and keep my head clear and free to worry about more important life concerns.  Maybe this will pass and Ill go back to believing in it. I know that there are people that are in love but I don't think its as common as my generation pretends it is and i certainly don't see any real examples of it these days.
firefly21 firefly21
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Thank you for your sharing. It's very enlightening for me! I have a certain number of experiences to prove your theories, men did overuse the word "love" to manipulate me or control me. And that's so unhealthy! But most men are like that. I think the word "love" should be erased from dictionary permanently. :)

When you look around, it seems like the couples you see are happy and infallibly in love, doesn't it? It's an easy assumption to make. It is true that there is an initial euphoria brought on by a chemical cocktail cooked up by our brains and glands (and that this euphoria eventually wears off). However, I also think there is some validity in that chemical soup. Our genes change according to what we experience- which is why evolution happens. Humans have evolved abnormally fast, or so it would seem.<br />
<br />
The truth is that love equates to freedom. You have the freedom to be you, I have the freedom to be me, and we allow each other that freedom. It is our birthright. It is everyone's birthright. People often make the mistake of confusing their partner with the person they imagine/hope their partner to be.<br />
<br />
I believe that what is happening at this time in human history is a disillusionment. Up until the late 50's the Church ran the show and controlled peoples' lives very tightly. The 60's and 70's came along and put an end to that, but people went to the other extreme rather than achieving the balance of freedom and temperance. They turned to drugs and sex as a means of escape. I suppose this was necessary to give our society its current perspective on things. It might be awhile longer before people start to feel the emptiness collectively, and maybe even longer until it drives them to action.<br />
<br />
Yes, the word "love" has become cliche. I think there's a very good reason for that though. It should be cliche, because people need to find their own way to say it. Then, and only then, can it actually mean something.

sorry for your painful experience...broken hearts suck badly. i agree with you completely...i prefer to hear someone say "i care for you" than i love you...overrated manipulative word that love word xxxx