My Little Boy Aside...I'm done with it. Really. I don't want to hear those words again...they blind me to the truth somehow.
I have an attachment disorder that makes judging people's intentions difficult enough, but those stupid words get me every time. I've never known real love, not from anyone aside from my little boy (who generally has a hard time expressing it, due to his autism). Anyone who has ever told me they loved me, did it while they were sharpening their kitchen knives in the background.
Thanks to being tossed away like trash by everyone who's ever said those words, I've also developed a real fear of people leaving me behind. My last love used to drive me crazy, telling me in placid tones that although he may leave, he ALWAYS came back...right? right Grainne? **** that. Wrong. Well, he came back to mess with me some more, that's certainly true on many, many levels.
I would rather be told, five thousand times a day, that you hate me. I think that's what I'll shoot for from now on. It hurts so much less. I'm sick of this bullshit.
Whym 36-40, F 7 Responses 3 Jun 27, 2012