Marriage Isn't For Everyone

The worst experience in my life was my parent's divorce.  Don't get me wrong, they needed to get divorce, but the divorce itself was this four year process of backstabbing and constant crying.  Imagine being 11 years old and the only adult in a triangle relationship where the two people you love the most hurt each other horribly.

Flash forward to 35 years old and I find myself going to counseling because upon accepting a recent marriage proposal from my boyfriend, I find myself with panic attacks.  It wasn't until many sessions that I finally had to admit to myself that I just can't make the commitment of a lifetime. 

I try to be a true to my promises to people as possible and the simple truth is I can't make a promise of this magnitude and keep it.  It's many years of my life in a life where I have always changed my mind, lived so many different paths, done whatever the winds pushed me towards.  If I was to get married, then I know myself well enough that I would regret it every time we reached an impass or fight.  I would begin to feel trapped and I would resent him for it. 

The only problem is that my boyfriend came from a family who is still married.  He wants it like he needs his breath and I don't know how to approach him on my decision.  It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do - break someone's heart and possibly end a relationship because I simply know marriage is not for me.  I pray I can build up the courage soon to be honest and I pray I can handle the fallout without guilt or self-hatred for who I am and what I know will make me happy in life.

God help me.

31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Even i belong to the same background where i have seen my parents fighting with each other and also people around beating their wives and those loud cries of a women pleading in front of that man but to my surprise all of them are still together and now they seem to be happy. I would have never taken that ****. of course when your own parents get divorced its a painful process and you being a child were not able to deal with the situation but why make assumptions that you might end up with the same why not think positive that it would be a fairy tale wherein you would be happy and love will surround you. Why leave the person you love and when he gets married to someone else then regret? Go with an open mind all stories have +ve and -ve things involved the bad had ended and a new begining is wating for you.

You've been hurt from your childhood. Get more help if necessary. Don't give up this wonderful man who could teach you about a sustaining, happy marriage. Don't be so quick to resent or feel trapped. You're in 30's, now's the time to deal with this if you want a future family.

I do not know if you are familiar with the bible, the word of God said a man and a woman should be together, remember god created the woman to be with the man, the bible said Adam was lonely so God notice him being alone and depress you could said, so god decided to create a companion for the man and that is when Eve arrive from the earth. I saw my mom and my dad fight all the time for reason not understood by me at the time, later I found out he was a alcoholic, it destroy me personally, I had problems getting married for the same reason you are going through, but I decided that God is the only one that could guide me, I found god when I was seven or eight do not remember, and I could tell you he gave me the strength I needed to keep on going through my journey we call life, if I had not found him I would be in worse shape and situation I'm now, I'm poor but I have his grace, I do not make enough to support my family, he does not let me fall, some how he provides me with money to take care of my family, I always talk to him and when I want things done I speak it and say it out loud so what I say happens because your word has power, I ask him to give me knowledge and strength to be a better parent and to teach my children about life, the most important thing in a relationship is communication, be able to talk to your mate and love each other, you are both have to be in the same page and comfort each other. life is not easy, have you stop and think that they are people that are suffering because of hunger,sexually molested, rape,in jail,murder, kill for not following order, kidnapped. I'm just trying to help and probe a point. . remember the children of god,the ones how have faith never get in trouble he is the creator of the Universe. he is your father, stop and think for a minute, your dad is the most powerful thngin the universe dnt you think when people ask him for money, a partner, a son or daughter, that is nothing to him he created earth, the planets around us the galaxy. get my point nothing is impossible for him, ask for knowledge is the most important thing in life and guide through life. he will never let you fall never, no matter what people tell you he will never let you fall, living proof of the word.

Marriage is a verbal and written public contract which should affirm and confirm the love and commitment that already fully exists in the heart. If we aren't already "locked in" by mutual love and commitment from the heart, marriage will not bring it forth and should never even be entertained.