I just recently found out that my husband is talking to several women online....in a very sexual way. He apologized and regrets it....
We talked it out and want to grow from that experience but I honestly feel so betrayed that this thought started to shape inside of me that I don't really believe in marriage anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and do want to forgive him.
But I was thinking a lot and searching on several websites for men who cheat and there seems to be a lot of married men around.
I wonder if marriage means anything to anybody anymore. What happens to all those vows you said out loud in front of family and friends?
To be completely honest I feel like I woke up from a very naive dream and realize now that every marriage has it's secrets and dishonest moments :(
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3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

Marriage is a cage where we put love and called that marriage.I had a similar experience like yours.

That must have really hurt. I'll give you my perspective, as a guy.
There are still lots of guys who seriously believe in keeping a faithful marriage. But many of these men have all the best intentions, but lack self-control. Women are capable of it, too.
Lots of married guys do this stuff for lots of different reasons. I'll mention a few ideas.
• Some are scoundrels who don't care / don't believe in marriage / think it's expected.
• Some are selfish, unsatisfied, and use it as revenge.
• Some can't control themselves, regret it, and are haunted by guilt.
If your husband talked to women online like this while he was single, he might have found it difficult to stop. It feels good to be desired / wanted by anyone, even a stranger on the internet. It's like an emotional addiction. If he feels guilty and recognizes it as betrayal, he will try his hardest to never do it again. And, he needs to let you help him.
I would suggest using software to log / track all internet activity. Tell him its non-negotiable. That would give him the opportunity to prove he's not hiding anything else. He still has the freedom to do anything on the internet, but he's accountable to you. You might never check it if you never have reason to.
Every secret *not shared* has potential to destroy vital trust in a marriage. Continuous lack of trust paves the way to worse things.
Your search of this stuff on the internet will be very discouraging because the ones who *do* believe in a faithful marriage too often remain silent about it. And the internet is a twisted, sick, place where sex is profitable.

If he really regrets it, he needs to find a way to reassure you it will not happen again. It won't be easy for him to stop completely on his own. He needs to know you are there to help him -- not judge him. Also, if he really does feel guilty over this, he needs to know that you *want* him to be 100% honest with you, even if it hurts.
Some men (and a few women) have a mistaken notion that they don't owe their spouses complete honesty. It could hurt a little, but you'll have a stronger relationship.
I just hope that's the only thing causing his low sex-drive.

Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. No one is perfect. Thank god, thats what we love about eachother our flaws,they are the differances that make us who we are as people. All of us have boundries. 2 peoples values can be alike but never the same. We have all lived in our own way and seen life nd our upbringings through our own eyes. Thats how we each develop beliefs, have our own wrong and rights and a standard we set our self to live by. We feel good when we do/bad when we dont. Not realising i think we expect our partner to live up to our own idea. I dont know if getting married is ever perfect or if being married has ever had 2 people in one who have never lied to eachother. Ask yourself if u can live with the things he did, the trust he broke, or the line crossed. Trust takes work to fix from person who broke it. Even then its still ok to never forget t

Have no idea. I think it is ok 2 spy/check on the person who lied to u. For me it is anyway! I put spywhere and check phonewhen im worried. I told my partner I will find out if he dose it again and wont play nice. I will not be taken for stupid or used. If i feel his not telling me something i check. When its just me stresing and i find out, i trust him a tiney bit more. But alot of people would not agree with me.

I used myspy twice. One time i found him to be cheating with my friend. I was so angry but wasnt living with him. He would ring saying how much he wanted our son i was having and say he never even kised another girl. I was in so much pain even knowing 2 wrongs dont mak a right. I was so mad i broke up with him and went with another guy out of anger. We got back together. I did this for our baby that was 4mths away. He still said he had not been with anyone. I told him maybe I am telling lies 2. He told me the truth after10 weeks. He was shocked and angry at me. We were not even together when I saw someone! He still only told half the truth, knowing i put myspy! Next time he thinks of walking over me or using my feelings he will think twice. He did a bit more than just lie but asI said id do it again.

Not saying do it back, but dont be walked on, and keep eyes open and people will only treat u the way ulet them.

I used- myspy

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