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I Don't Believe In Unconditional Love

My Heart's Divided On This One.

By: justmeonline
Written on July 28th, 2012
The reason it's divided, is because I believe love has different contexts and types, and what is appropriate differs in different relationships. For example, the love a parent has for their child might understandably be unconditional. One could argue that's required in life, at least until the child becomes an independent adult, at which time the relationship changes anyway.

For romantic relationships, I'm pretty sure the unconditional thing can't really work, unless you don't mind being abused. Because if your partner is being abusive, surely it is reasonable then to end the relationship rather than say your love has no conditions? To continue loving an abuser is almost like validating the abusers abuse and saying that it is ok, because it doesn't matter, you love them anyway. Isn't for me, that one.

Also, is unconditional love sometimes simply a term used by hopeless romantics, who, having "fallen in love" insist that that love is eternal? Like in stories. Which are fantasies written for entertainment purposes...

Am I saying I don't believe in true, ever-lasting love? Of course I believe in it, though it's probably rare. But for me it also has it's conditions. Respect, honesty, and trust being from amonst them. And the all-important commitment.

Just my thoughts. I know a lot of people on here almost have love as a belief, maybe "are in love with love", and well, I'm not here to argue if that's the case, just saying what I think.
By: justmeonline
Age: 36-40 , Male
126 people have read this story

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14 responses
  • Quintesse
    Quintesse

    If I may be so bold...This is my take on this subject. I wonder if you agree...

    EP Link

    Jul 30, 2012
    2 likes
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      We seem to agree on a lot of things. I predict we will, but let's pop over and have a look then...

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
    • Quintesse
      Quintesse

      Thanks for reading. I happen to think this is an excellent conversation to have. Understanding human relationships is, well, not easy.

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      No, and there are a lot of different types to understand, and different types of people. I'll be learning more till my last day, hopefully :)

      Jul 31, 2012
      1 like
  • sierra33
    sierra33

    Aww, Great words jmo and I agree...The lil peeps need unconditional love!! The bigger peeps sometimes need a few healthy "conditions" to live and love by!!



    Sometimes I think folks need to pay more attention to their love "today" then going on about 4-ever and eternal stuff....Maybe then they wouldn't go through "soul mates" like socks.... :D I see it all the time.....One day they're are all crazy about the eternal quality of their newest love and the next day they are calling them every rotten name in the book... *sigh* You might have hit a solid point on some just being in love with being in love.....

    Jul 29, 2012
    2 likes
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      I'm pretty convinced on the "in love with love" idea. The couples I know who have been together for years and years, are happily married with children, are mature enough to realise that relationships do indeed have a very passionate initial phase, and just because the intensity isn't as high some time later, doesn't mean the relationship is dead. They're people who have solid commitments, and are strong enough to acknowledge that although there might be times they cross paths with someone else who is attractive, doesn't mean in any way they will act upon that, but rather, knowing that the relationship and family they have involves a love that is far deeper and meaningful than a random sexual encounter, or even perhaps a new romantic relationship that may initially have strong passion due to its freshness, is not worth losing one's family and commited spouse over.

      Jul 29, 2012
      1 like
    • sierra33
      sierra33

      I think the trick to helping some of this is keeping passion alive in the ongoing relationship. It can be done but it takes effort and commitment beyond just "showing up" in the relationship each day. Some folks allow boring routines to set in and never even try to experiment and find something different and exciting to spice things up. Sometimes they start to take each other foregranted and there is where they start getting angry with each other...Hubs and I work around and deal with great looking folks all the time but never once does it occur to either of us to have a fling cause we're still crazy about each other.

      Jul 29, 2012
      1 like
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      I agree fully with you on this. I feel sorry for people in long-term marriages who stop bothering and just take-each-other for granted. Beginning of the end, I would think, that, or at least likely to result in an affair or two :( I think human beings are fascinating enough, and life (unfortunately, perhaps) short enough, for a lifelong commitment to be very achievable, if a healthy outlook is taken, such as you and hubs take, and if the initial commitment has promise for growth with each other over the years, and is not founded on likelihood of growing apart.

      Jul 29, 2012
      1 like
  • RobertaSunset
    RobertaSunset

    I agree at least on romantic love, then, love will always have conditions to it because unless a person is mentally unbalanced, a persons behaviour can make you fall out of love if it continues for long enough. A parents love for a child is usually unconditional, people can do horendous things and I believe that a parent will still love you even if they are unable to accept the choices you make, that love is still there so too is God's love :o)

    Jul 28, 2012
    1 like
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      God's love -- I wasn't really even thinking about that in this post; and it's one of the huge topics in the area of belief I tend not to discuss at all online.

      Jul 29, 2012
      1 like
  • papri
    papri

    I would like to add another kind of 'love'..I love your posts and love you as my friend J.. :)

    Jul 28, 2012
    2 likes
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      How sweet of you :) Thank you my friend, of course compassionate love such as that between friends has its place on the spectrum, and very important it is too :)

      Jul 28, 2012
      1 like
  • ForeverNikki
    ForeverNikki

    You bring to light some very valid points within this post. One would like to think love can sail to the corner of someone's smile and rest for eternity. However, within matters of the heart there always seem to be some rain.



    One questions whether emotions on both sides might ring the bell of truth? So, one falls back on fear as a belief refusing to take that step forward to see if true love really exists. My belief is we should never live in fear! We were not designed that way. I think all of us want to be loved in some way and we should never lose hope.



    True love does exist and it will find its way to you one sweet day; be patient.



    Smile, Nikki

    Jul 28, 2012
    3 likes
    • justmeonline
      justmeonline

      What a beautifully understanding, balanced and compassionate response. Thank you ForeverNikki, I really appreciate that :)

      Jul 28, 2012
      1 like