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If What You Seek Is Not Within You You'll Never Find It Without

People seem to think that they've got this love thing correct when they've found a person to marry and not when they've sorted out how they see love.

I think I have the most objections with the "institution" or "establishment" of marriage when it comes to seeing love as a "prize" to be won. As if love were selective, elusive, hard to see, difficult to catch, picky and something that bestows only The Special. It's a competition to the point of married folk even believing that there's something wrong with unmarried folk and likewise the "burdened" single folk believing that there's something wrong with them.

Just like your typical little girl I wanted to get married in a lavish wedding and live happily ever after. I haven't had the chance to do so, but I have been starting to rethink what exactly I think I'll be achieving.  To think that such standards are placed on a universal energy is ridiculous, yet I'm still inclined to play the fairy tale game. Marriage isn't *necessary* and no one is forcing me into it, but it might be...nice to a have a little shindig to celebrate a partnership of respect, trust and acceptance of each other. Those things don't exactly come in perfection but I dunno the celebration being perhaps that you've found a person you have a great relationship with-not just someone who you can love. But then I guess that would be the trial and error in every relationship.

I'm all for mature relationships, lovers being adults easily being able to take on responsibility and working together with teamwork, however the absence of a ceremonial wedding does not mean that I would be any less loyal or committed to a partner and the presence of a ceremony does not guarantee that I would be the perfect partner.

I hate the idea that people suddenly start being entirely different "just because we're married now" Or the discrepancies between the expectations of the two of them and the sudden higher demands of each other. No wonder people fear commitment. Society and the media make marriage out to be like a huge land mine filled with surprises and fine print.

But maybe it's not all bad? Should it not be a celebration when two people have broken down all of those barriers to intimacy enough to trust and communicate with each other? When they've given up the power struggles and see each other as equal?

Ariella Ariella 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 29, 2008

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I agree. However you should always have the barriers broken and a trusting relationship with someone you love, married or not. You don't have to be married to give your everything to someone you love. Sure though, I guess marriage is also the ultimate thing you can do to show someone you're committed to them.

Why would you need to show someone that you're committed to them unless that commitment were for some reason in question?

i'm 35 and never been married. i'm very pessimistic and cynical on the subject as well. i've been through hell and back with the opposite sex. i don't believe any of the hoopla or hype or folklore or religious stuff abounds about it. my mother has never been married and has lived with the same man successfully for over 15 years now. but still, in spite of everything, the divorce rate, the hard logic that says it' just a symbolic antiquated custom from the past. and regardless of all the sorrow i've seen in others who've married the wrong person or just should've never married at all. still, still, still i want to fall in love get married.

Thank you for this well written story! I agree on many points.