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Betrayed And Alone

Again I'm feeling betrayed and alone.  Maybe I'm just being selfish.  Maybe its me.  All my life I have never really felt as if I fit in anywhere.  Not with my friends, not with my family, not at work.  So I ask myself.  Is it mea? It has to be me.  Honestly how can the fault lie anywhere but at my feet.  I'm not easy to get to know. I'm not easy to love.  I'm not easy to be with.  I know all these things about me.  But the one thing I always thought was I have 2 friends that would love me and be honest with me no matter what.  But again I was proven wrong on that.  I was once again trusting and ended up being the fool.  I guess I deserve it.  I guess its karma coming back around again to bite me in the ***.  I must have done something really bad in a former life. It's the only thing I can think of for all my bad luck.  Just when I don't think I can be hurt more than I already am.  Bam I'm hurt once again.  I feel as if I have no where to turn anymore.  From here on out I'm on my own.  I can't confide in those I thought I could.  I can't afford to feel like a fool again.  I'm sorry if this sounds so selfish or if i'm over reacting. But I just don't know anymore.  I thought I knew these people.  I thought they wouldn't ever keep stuff from me.  But I guess I was wrong.  They didn't trust me enough to confide in me.  Due to this I made a fool of myself again.  It won't happen again.  I will no longer keep anyone close to me.  Its best to keep them all at arms length.  This way I won't have to feel like I don't matter anymore.  I no longer will have to worry about things that come out of my mouth.  I will trust in myself and myself only.  I'm the fool to think I could matter to anyone enough to be honest with me...
lonelyheartofmine lonelyheartofmine 36-40, F 12 Responses Apr 11, 2011

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A very poignant and meaningful story to me. I have felt the same way most of my life.

Perhaps if you could describe some specifics of your situation some helpful observations and commentary could be made. Without understanding your story however one can only say sorry for your sadness.

The situation wasn't something I could share with everyone. So I put just the feelings the were caused by the actions. I wasn't really looking for comments or help. It was more to express my hurt. The comments i do receive are a nice touch and show others care. Thanks for yours..

I've played the fool lots of times in my life as well. hugs...I understand :)

Life is when we are born..then it's downhill or uphill from there..everyone is different, i put up a very powerful emotional fence around me, but the BIGGEST thing is to forgive everyone, and NOT BLAME MYSELF for other people. EVERYTHING is subjective, including how we think about ourselves, and others,including relatives and family, and friends... there are people who use others, people who trust others, and people who are naive (like me) but if you accept that it is NOT you, but the thoughts /desires / wishes / ideas / events / aspirations / and emotions of others that make them do what they do, and don't take it personally as something wrong with you ( my current state of mind), then you can get on with life yourself and enjoy our own limited timespan ! I have managed to eliminate hate and jealousy from my life -except rapists, child abusers, wife/women abusers , serial killers, animal cruelty - those i still hate !!!

Hope this makes sense to you...I am still looking for true romantic love -will never get it but i try not to let it consume me, either - just acknowledge i will never get it, and enjoy life...Your own comments show you are a very caring and loving person...don't blame yourself for others problems best wishes and regards!

don.t think it,s you that is the problem. the people a round you are disrespecting you. i have been the black sheepin my foster family. i only had 1 friend in high school i know a song on youtube it,s called wecome to my life.you need to find a hobbie or a sport that you in joy and this is the way too find new friends it was only till i was 20when i started haveing friends

Its hard for me to trust and even harder to be intimate with people(Share feelings). Its almost like i think that they are going to hurt me whether or not they do.

I am married and feel the same way. But if you close yourself off, then when the right friends (or more) show up, you won't let them into your heart. and that would simply be a waste.

For what it's worth, there are a lot of people here that seem to care (myself included)

Let us help you.

Don't give up on people. There are a lot of A-holes, but there are also a lot kind compassionate and understanding people. It isn't your fault. Just let go of the bad and hold on to the good. I know it's not that simple though. In the meantime I hope EP fills the void. It did for me.

If someone doesn't trust you enough to confide in you, then the fault lays with them, not with you.

If and when you made comments based on assumptions and the assumptions were wrong, well, maybe you should ask first in the future?

I don't know, but it seems more like a case of misunderstanding than of betrayal of trust.

Besides, like I said, the mistrust doesn't come from you so you can never be to blame here... : )

Oh that's CRAP! You didnt do anything bad in a past life. God is just getting rid of the losers, bastards, jerks, and ******** that you dont need in your life! i'm gonna be honest with you and tell you that you are an AMAZING person with a BIG HEART and yes I haven't talked to you that much but I know I'm right or else you wouldnt be on here! Keep ya chin up and you will see who your true friends are!

ah....lonelyheart....

what happened? who betrayed you? was it just misscommunication? Why would the intentionally do this to you?

I know how you feel. I don't like to get close anymore. I get hurt easy.