Until Our Next Dance With DestinyThere are not many things at these times that would surprise me. Almost everyday I have had my world turned upside down and right side up. Fighting two battles of which barriers rise and fall. Its not easy when you finally realize that life isn't all that easy, that for once you have to bleed and fight even harder just to survive. ... Yes I haven't fought as hard, yet my life hasn't been that bad. At this point I'm learning to value the things in life. At this point I weep and I freely admit it because of what, in my heart, I felt a little while ago for just a few minutes or a fraction of a second. In some way I can't imagine it or even perceive it but I'm drawn to it now more than ever.
Let me say this before continuing, I have come to terms with the promise I made by Gods word and I am relying on utmost faith and love that she will be happy and be safe in life. Though that promise is binding in my heart, I know she is safe.
There has been several dreams whether astral, lucid, or otherwise that has come to my attention. Even more so for the past 3 months. Now its over 6 months since this person left. To think that there was a greater reason why these subconscious thoughts or symbolism's keep rising are beyond me. It has been 6 months since I last saw her after she jointed the Navy and left. Its been over 3 months since the dreams become more and more reoccurring and she becomes more and more refined in each dream seemingly observing, smiling, watching and also taking care to see if I am alright. Mostly every time, I wake to the thoughts of Nostalgia but nothing prior to other dreams or even anything within my environment can spark these thoughts that are returning. It is not the past visions that are returning, just ... her. I sense no evil in that smile, I sensed no sorrow in that form, but the imprints are there of her, always her.
Even as other women come and go in my life, she stood there as a friend for all of them. Even as I fell, she stood there and held her hands on my forehead telling me its alright. We have explored many places, tasted many foods, played many games, and even took the time to go biking for miles and miles with no care in the world.
But why, why has she come again. It is like a vision, we are always surrounded by people. Before it was a battlefield and now its a restaurant. Before it was a classroom in which she stood at the door observing and smiling and now its just random visions and even more random dreams. For once in this dream this day, I was able to control myself or was it my higher sense of being, that inner soul within all of us. I held her tight in my arms and told her that I had many things to tell her. She simply smiled at me and said, "I have many things to tell you as well." It was at the moment that I held her that all of time seems to stop, that I felt so much like home. Could it be ... could she be ... I do not know. For in reality she is far from me, on a ship and seeing the world while I sit here typing this in the brink of morning while she sleeps or is up late doing the essential duties of those aboard naval ships.
Has the thought came to my mind that she is significant in my life. Can I see the difference between the shroud of my promise to another and what my subconscious tell me. All I know is that when I woke, it felt like my heart was in pain and my head was throbbing. All I know is that I felt empty once again, a bit more than usual. Was she the flame or was she just the vision of what I had lost or what I deeply long for....
I write this in madness, in the feeling of lost love, in confusion and a larger sense of nostalgia.
I will end with two notable details, the first of which ... my best friend had black hair but the portrayal of her in my dream had brown hair that almost changes as the sun its it, mostly light brown. She does not have blue eyes and not pitch black eyes either. And with that, the second detail. In the end before I awoke, she stood behind me and told me that it is almost time for her to go. We were in the middle of a big park with a restaurant behind us. With all the people there, it would easily be a distraction but I only noticed her and as I move closer to give her one last hug and hold her before she left, she stood back and smiled looking at me in the eyes. She told me, "Until our next dance with destiny." and with that she turned around and everything turned white.
This would not mean much to many but has a lot of significance to me, she was one of the closest I had since we were in elementary school.
In Love, In Faith, In Honor