The Rain That Weeped On A Sunny Day. (releasing Steam)

And so it is to a decree that I am told to stop believing in what everyone tells me about myself and to clean the slate of whom it is I am.
And so it resides the hidden anger, frustration, and rage that ties into those words...

I understand that each person is different and that each has their own. What I fail to understand is why degrade the conversations, the messages, the tasks that I've done in the past in order to ... figure out who I am. EVERYTHING leads to that. Every single daymn thing goes back to that. It absolutely drives me mad.

Is it a hard task in order to pray to the Universe and to THE God in order for things to get moving and finally make my way up again.

This I know of myself above any other "messengers" words directed to me. I am but an old soul that envies those that fly and are able to soar higher in the clouds. I am not speaking of wings nor am I speaking of sins. I only speak of the yearning and the love of true freedom of acknowledging what this life has for me to learn and grow. For now, I am my own fool. For now, I am my own thought and destruction. Yet YOU of the higher orders are telling me that my role as a messenger, my tasks that I had and have completed in the past is superfluous by nature because of how I am as a person and my nature to believe others even without the evidence to necessitate a change in order for me to believe. What blasphemy is this? .. I do not understand this course, yet you wish for me to remain in discourse as I help those that are willing to come to me. Yet now, barely anyone comes to me in this accord. It pains me but what can I do? NOTHING ....

So what YOU of hosts are telling me is not to give a daymn what others tell me because I have to find out for myself. What of my words, what of my actions, what of the time that I invested on others and the learning that I had learned for some time, are they not experiences that mold me to be who I am and where I am to this day. Yet YOU tell me otherwise to forget it all for the simple fact that I am running out of time to awaken in my path. Is it written in the great book that I must learn the hard way. Must I also cut the words from other messengers on my nature? Must I be the burden to my own soul for these misgivings.

I am my own enemy, only one thing can settle me down from the two initial thiings that I've yearned for in this life. Yet this barrier, this disbelief and lack there of... "of faith" as it is said ... am I to simply throw that away because it is said by another?

The sky is weeping on this sunny day. It is said that I must find happiness in this life yet I am not given and or take for granted what it is that stands by my side in order to find the humanistic condition of a mate,companion,lover, and any other form of bond that ties two people together. And yet I'm suppose to let that go when it is part of my core need in this life.

Countless people of varied ranks, countless people of varied levels and I am here stubborn to my own cause helping others out that may as well frown on me and leave me to humility for what I believe is right and have yet not learned. Wasn't it I that asked and of the powers for such things that ears cannot hear. Am I my own fool for being a 'messenger' and yet resort to teaching fish rather then humanity.

These words ... this pain... this frustration and chaos grows and remains dormant. I wish to change but I'll be daymned if those that have the task in teaching and helping me are unable to take on the challenge yet alone find the proper means to teach and understand how to approach me.

I simply am tired of this mess. I'm tired of all these contradictions. I would ask for a new set of messengers to help but realize the same exact thing, the same exact words, the same interpretations that I have said to so many.

This brings so much pain and yet what can I do for those I am currently helping? Nothing...

IridescentSkies IridescentSkies
31-35, M
1 Response May 20, 2012

I feel your pain, anger and frustration, it pours out from your words but you cannot soar if your wings have not rested. you push on and continue moving but when did you stop to take the time to receive? You give and give and give some more, when is it your turn to take? What do you need? Forget about others and your desire to help, what is it that helps to rejuvenate your soul? What energizes you to begin giving again? Give yourself some rest, create and manifest things that are just for yourself, so that you are fully able to help others when they need it. If nothing is all you can do then do nothing, sometimes the greatest help a person can receive is the gift of being able to solve their own problems, it may seem harsh but a person cannot rely on someone else for the rest of their lives, how will that help them to soar on their own wings? <br />
You are tired, rest. Watch the rain fall, let it fall and see the rainbow that comes from the sun hitting each drop. Open your arms to embrace, open your hands to receive and let it come to you, stop giving away what is meant to be yours.<br />
I know I do not know much and I can't help that much, but I can offer to just be there to listen.

My dear friend, you know far more than you think. It just takes time for you to see it. Just as an adult gives a child pieces of a puzzle in order for the child to put it in the right place, what matters is the picture that shows in the end. What matters is the smile on the childs face as it finally solves the puzzle. I walk with broken wings, hidden by my own human condition and destroyed by that which ... resides on the other side of the mirror. As it is stated, "Damaged people know how to survive" ... because they will braze a path no matter what happens around them, no matter how numb or destructive life becomes. You know, you like many give words of inspiration, each provides a different color to that rainbow. Each provides a means of understanding and happiness where it lacks in the person who has written into words the pain and sorrow they feel out of lack of understanding. ... My soul screams in pain, one does not wish to see through me to the heart of my core. For it punches the ground it kneels on with hands so read and energies so ... low. I thank you for your kind words and kindness overall. That measure always brings warmth no matter who the messenger may be. I walk in this rain with my head neither held high nor looking down. I walk it looking ahead amidst the chaos within my own heart. -hugs- Blessings, Skies.