I Just Don't Care Anymore About Anything

I hate this life I am living.    I am on anti-depressants and anti panic medications, and still do not care about anything.    I love my kids and grandchildren, but I am still blah at the best of times, and very depressed alot.   I do not speak to my emotionally abusive "mother", (3 yrs now) and have no contact also with my 'sister' and an older brother.    I have slight contact now with one brother.    We all have problems, just react in different ways to a dysfunctional background.   It gets me down of course, because I would have done anything for my mother or family I came from.    And my mother is 88 now, very worrisome.    If I do see her, I get sick, she has done so much emotional harm to me.   

 I am not capable of a relationship (divorced, 62 yrs old) - but have 3 great grown kids, and 5 grandchildren. All healthy - but I am not.  I have a multitude of health issues, not enough to kill me, but they are depressing also.  I live in chronic pain, and emotional pain.     Can anyone relate to this.     Thanks,  Kesrock



kesrock kesrock
61-65, F
3 Responses Dec 29, 2009

I can relate. I feel that way, too. It's depression talking. I've had depression before, and now I've had to go off antidepressants because of some medical problems and I'm starting to feel that way again. I don't have the same family issues you have, though. My family is pretty good, and I'm still depressed and anxious.
One thing I learned from a previous spell of depression is that when you are treated, perhaps by antidepressants, and are no longer "clinically depressed," you still have a mess of issues to deal with. If you have let them go while you were depressed (as I did for several years), they've likely piled up and may seem overwhelming. I think a lot of medical doctors don't realize that -- they think the antidepressants fix everything. It might be helpful to get some counseling, if possible, to help you deal with all that.
My take on the situation with your mother is that, if she is still abusive, you probably are not equipped to deal with her right now. You have to be feeling strong to deal with an abusive person. It's always hard to stand up to our mothers, especially when they are elderly. While I agree with the previous post that you need to forgive her, don't beat yourself up if you aren't at that place yet. Forgiving is a choice and a process, starting with the realization that the anger you feel is likely more unpleasant for you than it is for the person who did you wrong. You forgive people for you, not for them, so you won't need to feel guilty if you can't forgive her until after she has passed on.
Dr. Robert Enright suggests a four-phase process in the book "Forgiveness is a Choice":
* Uncover your anger; honestly examine the unjust act (or acts) and your feelings about it;
* Decide to forgive; be willing to turn your back on the past and look toward the future;
* Work on forgiveness; forgiving is a process that takes recommitment and concrete actions;
* Discovery and release; be open to discovering the meaning of suffering, the need for forgiveness, the fact that you are not alone, and a new purpose in life.
Like I said, it might be best to have the support of a counselor or support group while you go through this process, and not somebody who will beat you up about feeling angry! I believe God gives us anger to help us stick up for ourselves or others when we need to.
Best wishes,

I sure can .iam karla<br />
I feel the same way i dont want to go any where and i sure dont want any one<br />
comming over to see me . i hate it when i have to go see my mother in law shes really treated me and my husband like crap in the passed and mothers day i just hate it. i feel like i have to be so fake becalse i dont feel like celberation mothers day with her . shes such a pill <br />
i just want to be lefted alone most days .

Personally I would try to make up with my mother because at 88 anything could happen.You will feel real remorse if she should pass away under such sad circumstances.I have a similar problem with a child who is just too proud to forgive and forget.A grudge is a terribly heavy and unnecessary burden to carry.Best wishes.