I dont know why but for the past year i find that I don't really care about things anymore, I mean like I used to. I used to be the kind of person you would find out and about, hanging with friends. Just an all around happy person, happy with myself, and just happy to be alive. Happy at my work. Im only 21 and now I find myself not giving a care in the world what happens. When I go out with friends I feel like im having a good time then in the end its back to the dont give a **** mood, and I go to bed all depressed. I wake up the next morning not wanting to do anything. Just wanting to lay in bed all day long because it feels like if I did do anything it wouldn't matter anyway. At work it is the same way feels like no matter what I do it is never good enough for anybody so I just stop caring and stopped doing what I used to do. Let me fill you in on what i used to do at work.
I'm an Assistant Manager at a convience store and I worked my way up to that. I used to go into work everyday and put in 100% effort. I was what my boss called 'Her Work Horse'. The one she could always count on. I coverede shifts when someone called off. Went in on my days off just because boss needed an extra hand. Never left any task undone. Like I said always 100% at least thats what everybody told me. It actually made me feel good knowing i was doing a good job. Then I was promoted to assistant, and i have seen myself slipping up at work and not doing as good as job as i used to the 100% went down to 75% then 50%. Because I dont care anymore, and Have no idea why. Its the same way at home. I feel like I can't even make time for myself anymore because either work wants me or somebody wants me to do something for them, and im to nice a person to say no cuz i dont wanna **** them off so I put on my fake smile and my fake good atitude, so no one will see that I'm not happy. I figure if everybody else is happy then I'm supposed to be happy to.
I try to be a postive happy person I really do, but when i do it seems like some a**hole has to do something to screw it up. So i quit trying, you know mine as well be a grumpy, grouchy person like everybody else is why be happy when the rest of the world is pissy right.
I just want the old me back. The me where I'm happy and ready to take on the world no matter what is blocking my path. The me thats gets outta bed in the morning and says "It's gonna be a great day". The me that has fun when im with family and friends.