Used To Care.... Then Lost Faith In Everyone And Everything

I don't really know when it happened. Why it happened. Or even how it happened. I used to be what some refer to as the "hero" child. I had excellent grades, alot of friends, played sports, and excelled in everything. But at some point i decided i just didn't care about anything anymore. I began smoking weed (which is something i never thought i'd do), breaking curfew, not listening, and not giving a **** about anything. I gave up on people. I gave up on school (and ultimately failed out of college one semester before graduation.) Now i'm a disappointment to my mom and everyone who watched me grow up. I'm reminded on a daily basis of how i've become a failure when i look around me and everyone is doing things and i'm not. I'm stuck in a rut and have been for a while. Even with all this going i still can't manage to make myself care about anything. My attitude now is whatever happens happens, good bad or indifferent. I don't like being this way but i still can't make myself give a ****. Oh well. I guess life will be what it will be. And whatever was meant to happen in my life happens and i'm quite indifferent to it all.
lifesagamble lifesagamble
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 9, 2010

i don't really know what i want out of life. i think that wz my biggest problem at school. i've always been really good at almost everything but never became passionate about one area really. i liked history (my major) but my heart wznt in it. right now i'm jus goin day by day working and doing whatever. but when it comes down to it i like to spend my time alone with my thoughts.

That's sad. has that changed at all? it's easy to get depressed after college . . . but if this is no ordinary post-college blah, then talk 2 someone who knows u about wat u want 4 yr life. wat kind of experiences do u want in life?