Poor Henry Louis Gates, Jr....
Well, let’s say “poor,” because Gates is anything but destitute. But you have to feel somewhat bad for a renowned Harvard professor and award-winning author who was busted by an overzealous neighbor and enthusiastic cops as he attempted to break into his own house.
I mean, part of the reason I feel bad for Gates? He apparently wasn't able to do the job. Who can't break into their own home? I suppose a renowned professor and award-winning author would be a likely candidate, but still...
The entire situation begs the question: "What would I have done in the neighbor’s shoes?" That's a tough one... and I really don't know.
However, there are famous people I’d definitely call in. I wouldn’t think twice as I dialed 911 -- even if I did recognize him or her as my neighbor.
Gates didn’t deserve this treatment, but some celebrities do. We should all band together to call the police if any one of us should ever witness these 10 celebrities (or “celebrities”) attempting to shimmy a window. Even if we know for a fact that it’s their windows and their homes.
Why it’s okay to call him in: Once again, Stephen’s drunk and trying to get into that house he no longer owns after his bankruptcy.
Why it’s okay to call her in: Shouldn’t she be in rehab again? It’s for her own good, really.
Why it’s okay to call him in: Because otherwise you’ll have to endure yet another night of him staring out his window, into your home, into your soul. Feeling lost? Oh, yeah, that’s right -- you didn’t call the cops when you had the chance.
Why it’s okay to call her in: Chances are, she’ll be taken to where she needs to be -- in rehab.
Why it’s okay to call him in: Long after “Twin Peaks” went off the air, he’s still the scariest guy ever. Do you really want him coming around, asking to borrow a cup of sugar? (Update: Okay, sure, he's dead -- which makes calling the cops even more imperative.)
Why it’s okay to call her in: Did you see “Bruno?” After talking about “giving back to people” while perching her derriere upon a Mexican day laborer, it’s obvious that she needs to get back into rehab. Again.
Why it’s okay to call him in: Uh, why wouldn’t you? No, really -- why wouldn’t you? Don’t wanna? Give me a call, I’ll do it for you.
Why it’s okay to call her in: Property values go up whenever she’s placed in rehab.
Why it’s okay to call him in: The resulting tussle with police will result in huge legal fees, which may help prevent the creation of another sickening, soul-crushing film. It’s worth a try!
Why it’s okay to call her in: She’ll tell everyone no, no, no -- but we should make her go, go, go to rehab anyway.