When the stars speak, I listen.
Stars don’t often stray beyond their scripts or lyrics or speeches, so when a pearl of wisdom is spontaneously bestowed upon us, the masses, I revere their words. They are pearls from the lips of those who not only found the treasure, but unlocked the chest and plundered the riches... making themselves into stars!
Stars like Paris Hilton!
Sure, she’s beautiful, an heiress, a jet-setting party girl -- but Paris transcended plebian expectations by unleashing a work of video art that took the Internet by storm and shocked the Establishment. Result? Paris became the most watched (and re-watched) person in history!
A star was born, seemingly out of nothing. So when Paris says something, I'm all ears. Like:
“I think it's important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and... everybody's hot.”
Paris should know. She believes in herself, and she’s hot. I mean, if I believed in myself, and if you believed in yourself, we’d be sooo hot. Why don’t we listen? Look to the stars, people! The stars are bright and always beyond us.
Which is why I hate it when I come across hit pieces that are about “stupid celebrity quotes,” or some such thing. Written by haters who loathe the icky bodies with which they’re cursed and the coffee provided by their slave-driving employers, these sour pusses pounce on anything they just don’t understand.
Like Brooke Shields:
“Smoking kills. And if you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
Oh sure, laugh it up, jerkholes -- even though she’s right. We’ll all find out one day!
Some people call Winona Ryder dumb, dopey and depressingly dull when she announces, "I feel my best when I'm happy."
Others like me, however, think Winona’s a breath of fresh air in a society that views the world through a smelly haze of stinking cynicism! Go girl!
Sometimes an artist expresses her dismay with the plight of humanity -- but nobody can appreciate the pain or the art. For example:
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry,” said Mariah Carey.
“I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
But no discussion of insightful celebrity comments is complete without delving into the words and wisdoms of Britney Spears.
Exploring her contributions to humanity is beyond the scope of this article, but let me share just one parable:
“I’ve never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
I think this must be about how the world is a small place, a tiny speck of dust in the ever-expanding universe, blah blah blah... though I must admit, I still ponder Britney’s message.
I’m such a hopeless skag.
Next up: The dudes!