5 “Stupid Celebrity Quotes” That Aren’t So Stupid! (Dudes Edition)
So I posted the Ladies Edition of this story, and received a bazillion messages which all basically said, "But what about the dudes? What about the dudes? They say stuff that people mistake for stupid, too!"
At first I was all no way. Not possible.
But then I dug through the sewers of Hollywood and lo! I discovered some words of wisdom from our male celebrities who, much like the ladies, are attempting to deliver us dirt people from the muck.
Like Axl Rose.
You might not agree when he declares, "It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people."
But I’m not going to argue with him because a) he’s not lying, and b) he’d hurt me. But please feel free to get beat, naysayers!
“The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,” says Joe Theismann, former NFL quarterback and current sports analyst. See how he brings us into the joke with his “mistake,” saying Einstein instead of McDonald? That’s why I love Joe –- he acts like a regular guy even though he’s miles above us!
Another star whose life is beyond you and me by a matter of light years? Sylvester Stallone.
(Warning: Stallone’s ruminations on the meaning of life and death has been known to induce hemorrhages. Please be physically, mentally and emotionally prepared to take on the epic ponderings of the pretend pugilist before reading the next line!)
“The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush.”
OH! OUCH! Hold on, I’ve gotta grab some aspirin -- my head is hurting so bad!
Sometimes the stars get beat up for expressing their bewilderment with the world in ways that ordinary people never could.
For instance, Hulk Hogan, speaking from the heart about his excruciating experience with divorce:
“I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. I totally understand OJ -- I get it."
Man, that’s powerful stuff. So powerful, I got a tattoo: A fancy scroll featuring the words “Homer, Shakespeare, HOGAN!!!” With a dagger through it. And blood. Lots of blood.
But the Man on a Mission award has to go to R. Kelly, Poet. Only he could succinctly describe how lonely one feels after getting caught micturating upon a child with whom one was having a sexual liaison:
"All of a sudden you're like the Bin Laden of America. Osama bin Laden is the only one who knows what I'm going through."
So true. So true.
Well, I have to take a break. All these powerful quotes, collected into one document... I mean, as a student of the Wisdom of the Stars, I thought I was prepared for what one could only describe as the most powerful brain-dump in history. But that Stallone quote caught me off-guard and I think I’m headed for the emergency room.
If you have favorite celebrity quotes that others call “stupid” because the dorks calling them stupid are actually the stupid ones, share them here!