Open Arms

I don't fear death is an understatement for me. I've been asking, pleading, hoping, and at times prayed for death. Numerous times I've said I would gladly take someone's place in death. Feel like the short, fat kid in the back jumping with his hand up.. yelling 'Pick me, Pick me". Crazy as it sounds I even wrote stories on here begging someone to come kill me. Hey, offer still stands people. Events are coming up that will no way, shape, or form make my life any better. Trust me..I'm on a course downhill with no brakes. The problem is I havent derailed yet,, but it's coming.
Calif39 Calif39
36-40, F
2 Responses May 6, 2012

Me too. I fantasize about death, a lot. Some days it's all I can do to refrain from swallowing the whole pack of amitryptaline. The only thing that stops me is the thought of my 6-year-old finding my body. My sister died just over a year ago..... I so wish it had been me instead. The best gift I could receive would be a diagnosis of a terminal illness.... then I'd have the escape I long for, without the guilt of f***ing up my son's life by making him deal with my suicide.

I swear girl you and I are cut from the same cloth wow excatly how I feel