Still Not Feeling Sorry

Two years ago I cheated on my husband whom I've been with for 14 years now.  Back then, wow.... he was so proud and would not admit anything was wrong.  I felt so alone which in turn helped me begin to build a wall between us. We were like this for almost 10 years. We have a beautiful family but the relationship that we had before our babies came was at that point almost non existent.  For years and years I would attempt to tell him how unhappy I was feeling to no avail.  We were too busy to take care of each other until I gave in to temptation and cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend to make matters worse.  My husband has done a complete 360 in the way he acts towards me and is such a sweetheart now.  Believe me it took me 2 years of nagging and almost separation until he finally realized that something had to give or our marriage was over.   He is so attentive now, he helps with the kids, the house, everything.  Yet, I still do not feel remorse or regret for what I did.  I understand that I may not have been the most attentive wife as well.  We started our family of 5 children when we were 20.  My attention completely went from him to raising a family, working and keeping the house clean.  I don't know why I still feel nothing.  I know it would break his heart if I told him so I'm not about to.  I'm still frustrated, though.  Our sexlife is just not there.  I timed it the other night.  7 minutes and he was done!  I was not even warmed up yet.   maybe 2 minutes of intercourse of the 7 minutes.  It's like this 7 or 8 out of 10 times.  Don't know what to do, cuz it only leads me to start fantasizing about cheating again and now I have all my senses telling me I shouldn't do that.  We kiss and more than half the time I don't feel anything.  A spark, something.  I would love fantasizing about my husband and not others.  Help!

mylilies mylilies
26-30
1 Response Feb 8, 2010

Hey, So im really new here. Actually this would happen to be my first post.<br />
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Anyhow, I just hit random and your story popped up.<br />
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So, Have you talked to your husband about this? Tell him your not satisfied, find ways to make sex better for you. I was once with a girl who was really not satisfied with out sexlife, I never knew. Her best friend told me i should press the subject with her. I did, found out that she was into a completely different kid of sex than what we were having. Sure it was slightly odd at first, but I loved that it drove her crazy, and it really made us close.<br />
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Just try talking, let him know what you want. EXPLORE. Nothing should be off limits in sex as long as its not painful or a turn off to both of you. Have fun, its what your body is for :D<br />
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I hope that helped in some way. If not, you should possibly talk to him about an open relationship. If you do that however make sure he feels like #1 don't let him get insecure. NEVER say another guy is better, and shower attention on him before and after you see other men. Also, always be honest. If you can't be honest about it. Don't do it. Who knows, he might even enjoy having other women.<br />
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There should be a way to work this out if you two both love each other, doing nothing however will never change anything.