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Life As I Know It

right now i am a teen at high school. i sleep in and write. don't talk much but i try. i have a LOT of friends and don't understand why. i recently lost the love of my life do to him getting hit by a car while he was walking to get to his bus stop. so right now i am not all too okay. honestly the definition of me is i am f***** up. maybe as time progresses I'll get better but it seems like no matter what i just don't have any reason to care anymore, i have just given up. i don't think i have any reason to live or move on. the only reason i keep breathing is because i have friends that for some odd reason would be devastated without me or say they say. i just don't get it. i don't think i ever will understand why i have friends or why i am here. my mother thinks it is to comfort others. if my life is only going to make me give and give with nothing to take from it then i don't want it though. so i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i some how still am able to pull on my mask of happiness every morning though to fool my friends as long as i can.
Caitlinsmith1636 Caitlinsmith1636 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 26, 2012

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Well, maybe your mother is partially right, but you're more than that. You also give someone a person to give to. Well, for me anyway. We both love to give people things, but loathe taking them. And the mask, my dear, doesn't fool me. Never will. I play along most of the time, though, because we hate it when people worry about us. But I do try to send you my strength through hugs and whatever else I can discreetly give to you in the presence of others.

"mask of happiness" is an excellent expression which explains your state. Every Sunset ends with a Sunrise after a dense dark night. Wish you a bright Sunrise.

Thank you very much :) <3

See dear, the interesting thing. It is just at the time of SUN RISE here in our place it is posted. I am sure BRIGHT DAYS are ahead for you.

I truly hope so madhura

I can't place myself in your position and can only imagine the pain you are feeling through loosing a loved one,having said that you DO have a lot to live for.
Obviously being the age that I am members of my family in the next generation upwards have departed this world and I have grieved and lamented their loss.I can tell you the pain is terrible at first however with time that pain diminishes and you learn to cope with your loss.The tragedy in this case is that he has gone at such a young age.
You are a very popular person,you must have a charismatic demeanour and I promise you that love will enter your life once again,so please hang on in there.
Regards,
garvan.

thank you, i hope to one day be able to move on past this. i know i am young to be giving up on myself already, it's just losing him was such a devastation to me, he was the only true friend i had and the only person who truly stuck by me no matter what. so I'll eventually learn how to move on instead of living in the past. it will just take time like all healing does. :) I'll pull through and eventually be able to pull of my mask and let my smiles and laughs become reality. then the only tears i will shed will be from pure joy.

Agreed,there is a period in our lives when we need to grieve and I think you are still at that stage.Only you will know when you can take the next step forward,it will happen in due course.
Kindest regards.