Why Does My Family Don't Love Me....

I am one of nine kids....my dad died when I was 12.I remember him as a very loving,warm hearted guy..my mom..cold..very cold...a good mother...home...kept clean home cooked...was there...but wasn't there....as I got older..I've been married twice...I raised two beautiful,well rounded college bound kids.....everytime I made a choice..that didn't affect my mother..or my sisters...it was a reason to dismiss me out of their lives...one mint..I'm there..the next I'm ignored,shunned...not allowed in my mothers home...any of my choices didn't affect them...they didn't pay my bills..nor raise my kids...I wasn't a junkie...nor...a bad person...I was always there...if anyone needed me..with love...and wanting love...just someone to love me...share holidays with me...but no..love at all....it hurts so bad,to have a mother that doesn't love you...as a mother...I couldn't bare..thinking of not loving this human...I made that I wanted..that I adore.....my choices weren't so great...but not detrimental....maybe if I got love and support....I would of at least could of had a chance at making better choices....but I own my problems...nor blaming my family...but..it's a pain that aches in my heart to no...you aren't loved by the people..you love...instead...of judging...me and talking **** about me...all that energy...could of went into loving me for who I am....for if you no how big my heart is....but that's to hard..because...then you might like me...and you can't do that because one person...might get mad..and then it causes a chain.......then you might be the outcast...so it's a real struggle...to be alone...when you have a family...that nothing you do or say is enough...to love you...so...I say my prayers every night....not for them to love me....but for the heartache they caused me for no reason...when my life didn't affect there's....I've been used and taken for granted...but my heart is always open to love...to see someone happy...I will no longer allow them to put me on the emotional rollercoaster.....I'm me...and will never change...my talking,my dressing....my opinion...my kindness....my boldness....or sacrafise....anything for my family to give me what doesn't cost a cent.....I got punished for living my life....the way I can....and as long as I raised my two kids who I live for....and no matter what choices I made....I always put them above and beyond anyone or anything....that's what a mother who loves her child does....and as long as God let's me breath...they will be loved by me unconditionally.....and I'd never,ever,want them to feel a tiny piece of how I feel....because...it's painful....I cannot ever understand after all these years my family could justify....not loving me....it only shows me the weak,shallow,heartless....people....that lost out on loving me....a truly good hearted....loving human....
Eroticwoman41 Eroticwoman41
41-45
Apr 7, 2011