I Dont Feel Loved By My Family And Its Ruining Me

I just dont feel loved by my family especially my mom. Back in the day when I am still going to school, she never praised me for all the achievements but she always scold me when i did something wrong. She never appreciated my good deeds and achievements be it minor or major. I never got any advise from them whenever i feel down or whenever im lost. They never asked how i was doing or if i have any problem. She only bought me clothes once a year and she bought the cheapest she could ever find. She never bought me any gifts for any special occasion even in my birthdays. When i graduated in college i never ever never never ever received any gifts from her at all. She obliges me to give her significant amount of money from my paycheck every payout and because i love them i would give them what they want even if im buried in debt. When im short i would borrow money from her and i have to give it back with 3% interest. At home she would always scold us and as usual, she never gave us any advise how to get through life. She never asked and never knew my problems and she never did care. I have given everything to her and now i cant even buy myself anything. I cant even buy myself decent toiletries and decent food because all my money goes to her. I love traveling and i just cant do the things i want to do. Whenever i do something i want like go someplace to unwind, she would say im being selfish and im wasting money. I cant even save for myself. If i didnt give her any money she would be angry and scold us and shes ill tempered for the rest if the week or until i give her money on my next paycheck. I am an achiever but i celebrate it with myself. Im lacking self confidence because i never got the support i needed. From the people i expected who should have given it the most. Its depressing and its kinda affecting my work. At home i just sleep and at work i just work and i feel inferior with my co-managers and my bosses. I want to start up a business but my parents wouldnt support me and they wouldnt even encourage me. I ended up demotivated and paralyzed by that fact and i cannot build myself. I feel like i am a waste of a person i am for having felt this way but i cant get myself out of this situation. I feel lost and i dont know which way to go my family doesnt direct my path. I know God is there for me and Hes the only inspiration i have right now but then again i dont know why i feel this way..sometimes i pray to God to take my life so my parents would realize that somehow i am important.
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1 Response Nov 18, 2013