They Don't Love Me
This is probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life and only now as I've matured with age do I see the true effects and seriousness of this. In my life I have never once been told that I am loved by my parents. Sure someone people say 'oh I'm sure they have a hard time finding the words, but they show their love in other ways". Well this isn't true either. Sure I'm not poor, living on the streets or anything, I was always provided for. Just no love. It's not just the love it's the emotioanl connection, the support, encouragement, even a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, someone to offer advice. I've had none of that. This hurts me so much. As a child this must have affected me so much. When I had some troubles with friends in school, I had no one to talk to. I was struggling so much and I had to bottle everything up, do you know what that does to an innocent vulnerable child? Attempts of discussions were usually ignored, given the cold shoulder. Or my side was never ever supported. I was constantly given the "get over it, move on, that's life" response. Well that's not ******* good enough! I was never told they were proud of me. You know even tiny things like being congratulated on a top mark on a project or as a young kid having my crappy finger paintings pinned on the fridge. No nothing at all.
I have no doubt this has had immense negative impacts on my life and the person that I am now. Self-esteem is a huge one for example. Depression another. Never once feeling good enough. If you're not good enough for your family who the **** are you good enough for? Even now I'm facing a stressful situation coming up, I NEED to talk about it. But I'm not stupid enough to do that with them. Nope. I've learnt that in this world it's me, myself and I. I'm facing the world on my own, I'm all I've got, no one else.
For all the parents out there, please tell your children that you love them. Listen to them. Support them. Be there for them. They need it.