Always On The Outside

Electrons are destined to constantly circle the neutrons & protons of an atom, that isn't necessarily interesting or fair.

I'm 52 years old and Intolerant of intolerant people, that is neither interesting or fair or logical.

What truly isn't fair is that I am fully aware of how I am and keep on doing it.

We have our own unique paths to follow. We define our self worth by the immediate perceived signals and presume their effect whilst we are blind to the effect we have left on others. If you can realise everyone fits in, Your fitting in !

' i don't fit in anywhere', this is what i just typed in the search engine minutes ago and i cannot tell you how surprised i was to find that Jerrysheart unknowingly was describing my life. Thank you for your brave heart. To me it felt like reading an excerpt from a history book about my life. Am 36 yrs old and have never found a group of people that i fit in with. I've felt weird about it for a very long time and because of the high standards that i set for myself, i even still someone fancy defeating it although i firmly believe it wouldn't be me or at least not in me to become a groupie. This loneliness has hindered me from fully naturing certain skills and opportunities as i quickly drop out of the group where they could be essentially developed better. That includes jobs,partners,college mates you name it. They say no man is an island and yet when am on the 'mainland' of some social group, i feel so out of place and quickly swim right back to my 'island'. I need help. I have tried to fix this several times through christian faith and praying alot but to my surprise i never stayed at any church longer than than 4-6months. Primarily because they too couldn't meet my standards. I dont know what to do anymore. I thought seriously about joining an Adult ADHD group but after all the research i did,i decided against it. Is this lone ranger attitude a disorder anyway? I also have very high concerns on my privacy which an on looker would easily describe as bordering on paranoia. Does any of you guys have that? What bothers me also is the fact that when am in a group i somehow always seem to perform very well and in most cases with leadership roles that i get very quickly and then abondon as quick as they came mainly due to 'intolerance' of the performance of my peers, leaving me with a sense of loss and a lack of achievement. Isn't having high expectations of oneself and others simply pride?

god is missing...i felt the same way until recently and have been praying lots. it helps!

I'm 23, I feel the same way, and if I make it to 54 I will feel the same way.

Outside is where all the really great people hang out.

I found myself nodding a lot while reading this. People have told me over and over that I need to lower my expectations--that my standards are perhaps, too high. Overachievers are like that; they don't like to settle for just enough--they tend to go above and beyond and then feel used and abused in the end.

Jerry, meet Quintesse. We're two of a kind my friend, probably expecting more from others than is generally acceptable in modern society (or modern relationships.)

But then again you have been severely jerked around. I have too.

Maybe take a breath and try to let go a little. That is what I am trying to do--with limited success. It's pretty much day to day over here.

I wish you luck. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and I think you are brave for writing this. It is heartfelt and sincere and my heart goes out to you.