Always On The Outside
I am now 54 and still on the outside. Since I was a kid in school that's the way it has been. In school I was considered a geek for many years. Later in high school I started hanging out with the cool kids, the trouble makers, the partyers. I did that for a few years but I began to realize that wasn't who I really was, so that ended. I really don't know why they ever let me into there group. I was also a real late bloomer when it came to girlfriends and sex. Since those days I have been married twice, 4 children and many, many girlfriends which didn't lead to a very good family life. Things would be fine for awhile but would always fall apart. Something was always missing, there was always an emptyness that never was filled. Its always been that way with my jobs to, would start out ok but after awhile that feeling that something was missing would come back. I know one of my problems is that I feel that people should put into the relationship, whether its a personnal or professional relationship, at least the same as I do. I have always put my best into everything but as soon as I feel that isn't being returned things start to fall apart. The problem is that I am still that way. I will always put my best into everything all I ask is the same in return. Is that wrong? Maybe people have given me there best and I didn't realize it or that wasn't good enough. Maybe I expect to much and that is not the way people are or ever will be. There is so much more to all this that is not written here. The final outcome has led to a very lonely life.