A Misfit Among Misfits

I was actually told that I was a misfit among misfits by a group of misfit kids in junior high who let me tag along, but decided that I didn't belong with them either. Although the girl was not trying to be hurtful, it was excruciating because of how right she really was. This has been the never ending story of my life and continues even now. I am now an adult and I can honestly say that I am always on the outside and have no friends. I get along fine with coworkers and have no problems with them, but I am never included in any of the jokes or conversations. They smile and are pleasant but that is as far as it goes. I am good enough to help them complete their work, but not good enough to be included in the social group. I don't even fit in with my family. My sister is clearly the favorite among relatives, (this is not in my head...this has been discussed within the family). They are nice to me, but nobody has ever had a genuine interest in talking to me or hearing from me. They cut me off in mid-sentence and start talking about something else as though my thoughts and opinions have no value. I have called, text, and invited them to come for a visit, with only excuses in return.While I never hear from any of them, they will travel a thousand miles to visit my sister. She was the epitome of popularity in high school, college, and now, which makes my lack of friends even more embarrassing. I do not understand any of this because I am a very genuine and kind person. My grandmother said that while my sister is the popular social butterfly...I am, "the nice one". I smile and always have a kind word for everyone. I don't think that I am disliked, its just that I am always just an acquaintance and never considered a friend. What makes all of this worse is that my husband seems to instantly fit in no matter what and is the life of the party. I truly fear that I will let him down as his wife because of this problem. However, I'm not sure exactly sure what 'my problem' is. I'm clean, dress appropriately, act appropriately, smart enough, and while you won't find me on the catwalk, I am a cute enough girl. I don't need a social group, just a friend. Thanks for reading and I wish everyone dealing with this issue the best of luck.
MisfitChic MisfitChic
1 Response Nov 30, 2012

Okay, from my viewpoint as a reasonably happy misfit myself. You come across as articulate, intelligent and emotionally aware person. I can empathise/understand with the whole sibling thing (I've got 2 degrees and thinking of going for a third - and I AM the black sheep - meh, go figure. Yeh, okay, he still is smarter than me). You seem to be self aware as to your appearance and interaction with others, you understand anothers viewpoint so you're not emotionally retarded. Maybe you just see things from a slightly different viewpoint? There are a number of personality tests for free on the internet (frequently you only get the basic report as the full one costs $19.99 or whatever), don't sign up to anything or pay anything - just freeload. It'll give you an indicator of your type - I always seem to come up as INTJ (it fits).
Why don't you study psychology/sociology (maybe not as a proper vocation at first) to try to intellectually understand what's going on? It seems a little trite but knowledge IS power. It's how I started, you already have a partner, so it seems you're not emotionally stunted (unlike me). Books like 'men are from mars, women are from venus' - show the different psychology of men and women, not only are we culturally told to be different (he-men and simpering females - how hateful :S ), we are actually physiologically different as to different amounts of a certain nueroceptors in the brain.
I am different but I'm good with it, I do my own embroidery (I always split my silks from 6 into 2 to get a finer effect), I sew my own clothes for my hobby (re-enactment), I made my own leather shoes/pouch and belt (for same), I also forged my own helm and armour, hafted my own axe and spearhead (which I forged myself) and made my own chainmail. I'm a 200lb skinhead tattooed and pierced biker. I can rebuild your engine - let alone your car, I can build dry stone walls, wire and plumb your house. I speak four languages and study quantum physics for fun.
I actually think you may be different (and inquiring) too, indulge your interest and vague dissatisfaction with things. It's how I started, go on, amaze yourself - be amazing :) R