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Conflicted

About 20 years ago, a my husband's sister walked away from his family and started spreading insane rumors about her childhood that all of her siblings knew were untrue.  She stayed out of our lives  and even denied her father the peace of mind of dying with things "right" between them.  He called her multiple times when he realized that he was dying and begged her to come to the hospital to see him but she did not.

Then about 5 years ago my sister in law connected with her again. I was fine with that - none of my business as long as she didn't try and ram their relationship down my throat.  My sister in law decided to just sweep it all under the rug and not talk about why or what happened.

Than about two years ago, my mother-in-law starting getting phone calls from her daughter who had walked away.  She gradually started talking to her but the relationship, is no longer a mother/daughter relationship. 

Now she is working on my husband and I.  I think he longs for a relationship with her because they were very close growing up.  He has told her, however, he wants answers as to how she just walks away for over 14 years with no reason. We haven't had "the talk" but she is still working on us.  They came to vacation near where we live and asked us to go to dinner with them and we went. I must admit that I did have a good time and she was more than sweet to us. My daughter, who is six, just met her for the first time a year ago, has fallen in love with her.  But my guard is still up!  My heart tells me to let bygones be bygones but my head is telling me to keep my distance.  I was brought up in church and know that forgiveness is a virtue but should I take her nice gestures as an apology or hold out for the actual words??

If we start a relationship with her again and she gets stupid and walks away again and I have to explain it to my daughter the way my sister in law had to explain her dissappearance to her three small kids, I WILL NEVER forgive her........

katrinalynn76 katrinalynn76 46-50, F Apr 16, 2012

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