Just Lost In My World

Im at a point in my life when i feel alone. I live with my dad and step mom and truth be told it aint easy being a step kid. Im just tired. tired of being told your not good enough, tired of being told you will not be succesful and that you have no vision by your own father. Tired of being told the world is cruel and i cant face the world because i act like a kid. when i was young my dad was never there for me. I lived with my mom and she hadnt gone to school and she was from a poor family. when i was an infant i got pneumonia, my moms family had no money so they went and harvested all the food they had in their little farm and sold it so that i could go to hospital and get treated.They didnt care that they would have to struggle to get food for months. All that mattered to them was that i get better and during that time my dad was getting married to his new wife. who he hadnt told that he had a daughter. 6 years passed and i was six. thats when he decides to tell his wife he has a daughter. And he and his wife took me away from my mom. the mom who loved me and raised me. the mom i used to sleep on newspapers with because we were so poor we couldnt afford beds, the mom who hustled fo food everyday and sometimes the food was so little she let me have it all and she'd stay hungry. now i live in a house i got everything i need. but it doesnt matter because there is no love. ever since i lived with my dad its just been about how i dissapoint him and how im not good enough, and how i will not be successful.I've never bonded with my dad. i dont think i ever will. hes proud of his kids and im just a ghost from his past.. a mistake he wishes he never made. One thing i will do though is prove to him that im not a failure and that its ok that hes never been there for me..coz i know that somewhere in another country my mom will always be there for me and she believes in me and im not a mistake. i also know somewhere theres a family that would risk being starved so i could get what i need to survive
smigs smigs
18-21
Dec 1, 2012