Born In The Wrong Family?

Thats what I have felt my whole life, I dont fit in here in this family.. I have always been different and felt out of place. I bet you no one in this house has ever questioned things like there religion or sexuality like I have. My family dont get along with the rest of the family like our aunts and uncles, I tried to talk to my aunt but my nosey sister cought me and she had to tell my mom right away but now they think I have brtayed them, They think I tell my aunt things about them.. I would never do such a thing and it hurts to think that they dont trust me enough to see that. My dad is very greedy and bossy, My mom sees me just like him.. She has told me so, Ive been the only one in this house that my mom would call a b*t*h, She has before. We always fight, there is no rest for me hear and its sad because a home is suppost to be a place to feel safe and loved but instead, I feel scared and hated. I always catch them talking about me behind my back, my sister even talks about me when I am in the same room as her. They do so many things that hurt me inside, so many things that are wrong to do like my mom sending my 10yrs old sister to pagents, putting globs of make up on her and letting older guys say that she is hot, my sister is cheating on her husband and so much more.. Its funny how I try to tell them it bothers me they get mad but the second I make a mistake its the end of the world.. I cant handle it all, school is as stressing as it is and now I have my family being shoved down my throat.. The things they say to me are bothering me so bad that I am starting to believe it myself.. Everyday I am living in fear and depression and its no wonder why my anxiety is high everyday.. Im scared of my own family....
If anyone has the same stuff going on please tell me, I could use someone to talk to.
RozaStephanie RozaStephanie
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 18, 2011

My family is my mom and I. My dad has a drinking problem on disability since he was 32.

Hey. Well let me start off by saying that me and my family used to be very close.. and when i started high school it was a new start for me. I was having a great year, made many new friends, and even played in the football team. On the side I also worked out. At age 14 I was the biggest/ strongest person in my family, 6'0 and 180 lbs of pure muscle (was participating in bodybuilding competitions). I guess what Im trying to say is that I was suddenly the biggest and strongest one in the family.. and i guess my brother felt threatened. I guess hes just insecure because hes really skinny and his body is a little awkward. He is 7 years older than me so we never had that close relationship.. and evidently he always picked on me and treated me like ****. We never had that good relationship. Now that i was getting older and started to have my own life, i started to stand up for myself. I never had any bad intent for anybody in my family, i love them all to death.. but i guess thats not how they saw it. I guess what i was trying to say is that I'm trying to do the right thing and stay out of trouble so why do you feel that you have to pick on me. I know im 14 but I am very responsible and have never done anything to make them not trust me. I was doing well in a very difficult school [which btw stresses the hell out of me], I was working, I was helping around the house, and I would do anything to make them happy. I didnt see how i was the villain. Anyway as i was saying.. i guess my brother felt threatened and was mad that i was standing up to him so we always got into heated arguements. One day we got in a physical altercation. Let me go into more detail about what happen. Well the reason behind it, considering neither of us remember what it was, was minor. Words wore said and it escalated. We got into a physical fight. Now i dont want to go into detail about the actual fight itself but rather aspects of it. Firstly, the first threat was said by him. He threw the first hit. He was the one to grab a weapon. He was the one trying to hurt me while i was trying to avoid the fight. I ended up running in the bathroom and sitting behind the door so that he couldnt get in. He kicked the door repetively.. and just when i thought it was safe to get out, he came at me. What i remember is him running towards me and me wrestling him down and holding him. I didnt want to hurt him although I wouldnt have been surprised if shot me if he had a gun. Now i've thought about this many nights while laying to go to sleep. How could this have been different. Well for starters we obviously i feel that he had no remorse or respect for his younger brother to be able to act like that. Secondly, I believe that a 21 year old fighting a 14 year old should be beneath anyones standards. I think that his pride is more important than his brother and his family because something like this could tear a family apart (which it did and i will get to in a minute) . I feel that if i was in his position I would have handled the situation very differently. Firstly, I would not have seen my younger brother who always tried to be like me and get close to me as a threat. I would see him as someone who I am responsible for and to protect and look out for him. If somehow things were able to reach a braking point at which I was about to fight my 14 year old brother, I would have been the bigger man and walked away because despite his size he does not have the supposed maturity as i do. I would try to have a heart to heart with him and forget about my pride for a second. Ah i cant even finish this story its stressing me out as i write. I am now less than 1 month away from turning 18 and we still dont have any bond or real connection. I think we never will as long as he sees me as a threat and that i want the worst for him. Despite all that happen I still want the best for him. I think what he did was a vile disgusting and ruthless act of spite and jealousy. I can forgive him but I will never forget. However.. even to this day thats not how he sees it. He sees me as "i hate you for beating me up" [although i sincerely only tried to hold him down.. and a blow or two because of the heat of the moment.. but it wasnt like a full blown fist fight where i try to hurt him]. I can honestly say that he cares more about his friends and looking cool than he does about me and his mother and father. He thinks that im the bad guy and i think that he is the bad guy. And i think im the one thats right because as the older person he should have handled the situation better like i would have. <br />
Anyyyyywayyyy.. this **** is really hard to talk about.. but yea.. after that my parents took his side and just didnt care about what i have to say. My father, i love and respect because he at least tried to make things right. However.. the feel that i got was that the whole thing is my fault and they dont love me and they dont give 2 ***** about what i have to say. My mother is a crazy stubborn ***** because she doesnt listen to anyone.. she thinks she knows everything.. If i was my father I wouldnt put up with her **** for 1 second. Anyway, pretty much everyone took his side... and i believe its because I was bigger. They never saw me as the victim. <br />
After that they pretty much broke down my character and everything went downhill. I didnt trust anyone, I stopped hanging out with friends, I stopped going out, i just took everyones ****.. and life just became shallow. Deep down they made me believe that i was worthless and i didnt matter.. so for the next 4 years i lived my life like a fly in the wall. No connection with anyone and no affection. This **** really takes a toll on you.. you dont get this time back. These are supposed to be some of the best years of ones life but.. i guess i missed out trying to get their approval and living up to their high expectations. And yes i can relate to you that when i do or say something wrong its the end of the world.. even little ****. ****, even when I say something right they still ignore me. They think im every bad thing that they can think of and dont see any good. My mom is a paranoid ***** that always thinks im a retard and cant take care of myself. To be honest with you.. not to sound cocky or anything.. but i think im better and smarter than my brother and my mother.. They cant handle their **** like real mature adults. I think how smart a person is also depends on how a person handles situations not necessarily how much **** you know.. Honestly.. thats kind of useless 99% of the time. We are humans and we should use our human emotions. But yeah like you said i dont feel the love and cozy of a home. Read "zen and the art of motorcycle maintnance" ... its a great book if youre trying to understand yourself better. And honestly.. **** it.. let go.. in life you have to do you.. you cant change another person no matter how hard you try. The only way it can be done is by being happy. If people dont support what you do than **** them you dont need them.. And honestly i think that applies to family too. I dont promote being a ***** to them.. but you know.. get by.. get along.. dont fight it.. and worry about yourself. Maybe a job? maybe join a club or pick up a hobby that you enjoy. Best of luck to you. I know how you feel that **** sucks. I gotta go to work now so i kind of rushed most of this story but trust me i can really relate. Best of luck to you sweetie

I feel the same way & when i was in jr high, h.s & college, i went through the same things with my family. I wish I could say it gets better, but 15 years latter, Im still putting up with their b.s. now it's not just my siblings, it's their hell spawn too! All I can say is have faith in whatever religion you have, keep yourself busy with school, continue your education so that you can be independent and take care of yourself. Let them live their life as they wish and you do the same.

Wow I totally feel the same way. I like everyone in my family besides my mom. My mom is always nagging on me about stupid stuff and she always trys to find a way to start a fight with me over the dumbest things. I always hear her talking about me to my dad or brothers or my relatives in the other room. She always trys to put me down. Sometimes she has her moments where she can be nice but most of the time she bothers me. A mother and daughter are supposed to get along and be best friends but thats not the case with me! So just letting you know that you're not the only one

When I was about 10 years old I wanted & ask my Mom to prove I was her daughter. Seriously. I believed I was adopted . She ask why. My family is was like yours. No way could I have been the 3rd child of these parents.My Brother and sister were horrible. The family was disfunctional then and now. She showed me my birth certificate. Crap! How could a quiet, shy little girl be in this circle of craziness? That was 50 years ago. In the end, after decades of trouble with them, I left it all behind. I can't tell you to do that . Everyone is unique...I doubt they notice I ditched them in the end.