I Don't Know Who She Is Anymore

My mother has changed so much since I was little. Her two failed marriages affected her phycologically, and now that she is in her third marriage I find it hard to give this guy a chance, even after 7 years of them being together. My mom's ex-husbands abused me horibally, (they cut me till I bled, pushed me down stairs when I was a toddler, hit me and threatened me, put me down all the time, tried to get my mom to put me up for adoption, and all sorts of manners.) To put it simply, I was traumatized. And yet, my mom never cared. Whenever I tried to talk to her about the abuse, she would just turn it into a "competition" and tell me that she was abused way worse then me by her parents, yet, she means the world to her parents. They support her financially and have been there for her through her divorces.

I was recently diagnosed with severe clinical deppression, and was put on all sorts of medications to try and fix the problem, but nothing worked. Then I got insomnia, and I have been typically sleeping for 30 minutes a night, which has been going on for almost a year now. I feel like an emotional wreck, I am only a teenager, and my hormones are totally affeting me, and combined with the deppression, traumatization, and insomnia, I just can't take it.

Recently, we got into a big fight because I was having a rough night and I was sad, so she said I couldn't come to watch the fireworks with my whole family. That made things worse, and then she started saying nasty things to me and we both started yelling at eachother. This happened last night. Today, I went for a drive and was shocked when my stepdad actually started advising me and warned me that if I didn't snap out of my deppression, my mother would either send me to live with my real dad, who I haven't talked to in over 4 years, or that I would have to get a phycological evaluation, and possibly be sent to a phyciatric ward. I couldn't believe it. Then, he told me that my mom said she doesn't even know who I am anymore, and that she hates me. Just tonight, I overheard her telling him she hates me and that I have problems and a bunch of crap. I was shocked to hear my stepdad defend me, (he has never defended me.) Anyways, I have tried apologizing, figuring it must be my fault, but she wont even listen to me and won't accept my apologies.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
SoulOfSorrow SoulOfSorrow
13-15, F
Jul 30, 2010