I Need Her Support

I love my mom because she's done so much for me.  She's really the only parent I have because my father is a waste of a human being.  She paid for my college (which I basically wasted b/c I haven't even finished), gave me money to get a car (I had to pay her back of course) and she's provided material things for me (house to live in, food, etc.)
But thats not what I want or need from her.  I need her support and I have never gotten that.  I love you's would be appreciated too.  I mean, i know its understood but sometimes saying it would be nice.
Instead of the love and support I crave, I always get put down.  I know I've made mistakes and ****** up in life so far.  I know I'm not doing anything with myself.  I know I need a job.  I'm 23 and look at me.  I have nothing to show for it.  I know it.  I can't escape these things; they run through my head every minute of every day.  I know I'm a **** up...she doesn't have to remind me everyday.  It just makes things worse.  It doesn't motivate me. 
I get so frustrated I just want to do something to hurt her.  I want to hurt her (not physically) to show her how it feels.  I only want to be loved and accepted and forgiven for my mistakes.  I know she loves me because she's my mom but that's by default.  I just wish she would be supportive and love me the way i need to be loved.
snobunny826 snobunny826
22-25, F
3 Responses Jun 26, 2007

i totally understand how you feel. My mother works all day long and when i try to tell her something about what i am interested about she doesn't show any interest. she is always giving me material things, but this is not what i need, i need someone who at least understands that i haven't been made for her, i've been made for the world, you know? She doesn't seem to like me but she wants me near her. how she can't understand that we can't live together anymore!!! and the worst thing is that i like her and that if i get out, she wont be comprehensive and will make my life like hell!!!

If you realize that you have made mistakes then that doesn't make you a **** up. I've never understood why parents expect us to be these accomplished adults and we haven't even lived yet. We graduate High School and they force us to decide our whole future right there. My mom has helped me with things like money and it always seems to turn into a guilt trip downt the road. I stopped accepting her help because I would rather be broke than accept anything from her. It is just another way for her to have control over me. Don't let her make you feel like a disappointment. You're human, you're young... Life is too short to feel bad about yourself. Be YOU. Make YOU happy. Every thing else will fall into place with hard work and some reflection on who you are and what you want out of this life. Eventually your mom will see the daughter she can be proud of. Prove it to her. And talk to her about what you need from her. She needs to hear it. If she won't listen then she is missing out on a positive relationship with her daughter.

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel?