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My Mom Is Nuts...plain And Simple

Throughout my childhood my mother would go from extremes of being over affectionate and trying to baby me to being quite emotionally and physically abusive. On the abusive side she would accuse me of lying when I was not and I had given her no reason to believe I was or accuse me of engaging in or planning to engage in wild behavior that I had not done or did not plan on doing. I was actually a good kid. She was obsessed with me getting my homework done to the point she would not let me go to bed until she was sure I had completed it and if I tried to tell her I could finish it the next day in homeroom she would say I wouldn't do it and then tell me I was going to "flunk" out of school even though I made mostly A's and B's. She never let me do anything for myself growing up because she thought I would screw up whatever it was. I did not even pour a bowel of cereal for myself until I was 10 and that was because my cousin made me. I now have confidence issues that are probably because of this. She was always overly protective, for instance she would not let me wear nail polish as a kid because she thought I would drink it or something...I was 9. I also could not pierce my ears and when she finally let me start shaving I was made to use an electric razor until I was 15 and swiped one of my dad's razors because I guess she thought I'd sever and artery. I was bullied at school too and suffered severe depression from it and when I would have depressive spells my mother would get so frustrated to the point that she would hit me and then later apologize for it but say "...but I was trying to slap some sense into you...". If you dared to disagree with her on anything in fact she would throw childish temper tantrums and usually ended up hitting. She would also get mad if she did not think you were giving her any "sympathy" if she had a cold or sinus infection. She would also use guilt trips when arguing saying things like "you just hate me" or "you think i'm just a horrible person". Also anytime she got angry or did not get her way she would throw childish temper tantrums where she would stomp her feet through the house and slam doors. (Yes, I am serious.) She could be quite selfish too; always hogging the tv and most "family outings" centered on what she wanted to do. This is probably only the tip of the iceberg.

On the overly affectionate side she would buy me a lot of little gifts even if I did not want anything. She would still talk to me in baby talk sometimes after I was already 16. She did not want me to stay at friends' houses because she would "miss me". She never let me do anything for myself growing up because she thought I would screw up whatever it was.

It has continued into my adulthood. Even though I am 26 and married she still tries to control things. I was going to go to a family reunion and wanted to stay in a cheaper hotel than everyone else and she tried to tell me I couldn't because she wanted me to stay in the same hotel room as she and my dad because she would "feel better" and wanted to "get to know me better". This ensued an argument because she continues to treat me like a child and she resorted to the same abusive behavior but low and behold when they came to visit two weeks later she bought me a gift! Of course! Even though she spent half the visit popping shots at my husband and me. It has also been brought to my attention that she has been talking to people about my husband's and my weight gain also. She also popped shots at me for taking last semester off from college.

Also before my husband and I were married both of my parents treated him more as something they would rather not have around and when cases arose when he could have used their help they refused but as soon as he and I had the marriage certificate all of a sudden my mom begin bragging about her son in law who is in the army and she always sends him birthday cards and crap. So he was a piece of crap before but all of a sudden when he and I are legally bound he is wonderful? Please...

My mother had me at the age of 36 because she did not marry until 35. It would seem she wanted a child because everyone else she knew had one and I am aware before I was born when she would babysit her nieces she would do mother/daughter type activities with them like having a professional photo done with one and having a charm bracelet made with their names on it. It would seem she thought, like an adolescent, that having a baby to dress up in cute clothes and bows would be fun and never realized the baby would grow up to be a person with its own individual personality and desires and problems and this frustrated her.

To be fair  I never agreed with everything my dad did either. Mostly he and I clashed when I began dating my husband as well as after a scare on the road he refused to teach me to drive and I basicly had to teach myself but I stil have way more issues with my mother than I did him.  There are a lot of other examples I could type here but I would probably be typing for hours. I'll just leave it at his for now. I am sure this is plenty. :-p
Onedayacometwillfall Onedayacometwillfall 26-30 5 Responses Jul 29, 2010

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My mother and yours must've read the same parenting manual...written by some guy with horns in red pajamas. I'm so incredibly sorry. Mine wouldn't let me wash my own hair until I was in college...now I'm in my thirties and the last time I visited with my family she said my hair looked "funny" and she wanted to wash it for me since I obviously wasn't doing a good job myself. I'm finally so disgusted I can't even be polite when she's pulling this ____ anymore. I just cut her off mid-sentence and said, "NO. You CANNOT wash my hair."

this sounds veeerrrry familiar... its called codependent? i didn't know that.

My mother wouldn't let me drive either. I think it's about control. She had control over me for a long, long time and wasn't about to give it up. I had to move away before I could get my license.

Yep, codependent. Describes her to a t. Glad to know someone else feels my pain. hehe.

evr heard of codependency? no boundaries?



I had the Nearly. The. Same. Problems. -- minus the gift-giving, plus insincere, over-the-top compliment-giving. Small world.



Totally weird! (raises eyebrows)