I Cant Get Along With My Mother.

Over the years I have never been able to get along with my mother. Ive tried believe me I have. But how can you respect some one that is always putting you down. I have an older sister that my mom adores and in her eyes she can never do wrong. It drives me insane. I try to understand her mind set, but its like nothing I do is good. When she introduces me to people its like this is my bad daughter. And I'm like are you seriously letting this come out your mouth. She always talks about how so many people would love for me to be there mother and your the only person that cant get along with me. But what she fails to realize she made me this way, by always comparing me to some one. This in turn made me strive to be the opposite. For once I want her to realize I'm not everyone else. I'M ME!!! and I hate to be compared to the world outside that does not know the real mother i live with or have to deal with. Nor do they know all the things we have been through. It makes me crazy. I am a very blunt person and I honestly probably don't think before I speak as often as I should, but its like jeez I'm not this horrible person she makes me out to be. But please don't think I'm also this innocent child either. I have done my share of wrong and I'm sure I have dragged her through some ****. But she fails to see all of what she has done to me. I understand the past is the past but the fact that she acknowledges my wrong but not her own errors erks my nerves. Recently her purse was stolen and no one was there by her side helping her through the many different things we had to do but me! But yet she does not even note that at all. All she talks about is that I am rude. OK, I will be honest again I AM VERY RUDE TO HER!! and some times I DON'T ALWAYS TREAT HER WITH THE RESPECT I SHOULD!! But if some one is always putting you down why should you treat them good when they are treating you like garbage. She is always there to help when I need her, but she always talks about it. ALWAYS!! She fails to understand that its her words that make me rude. I hate to be put down. I know I'm not perfect, but at least give me some credit! When her purse was recovered the police gave me 5 pictures of my sister and TWO of me. TWO! But yet she tells me she doesn't play favorites. Its like PLEASE STOP INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE. but she turns and tells me its because my sister isn't rude. There were many times my sister has been rude to her but she never "remembers" those incidents. I can go on and on about the treatment difference of my sister and I... but why? The one person that I want to notice it is so stuck in her own ways that no one can change. My most recent thing that really ticked me off was i picked her up after work one day and we got into another meaningless argument about one of her co workers. She turned and told me if she ever needed money this co worker would help her before I did!!! Recap two days prior to this argument I put out a lot a money for a monthly gym membership for her! So yes when this came out her mouth I was very angry. And yes I shouldn't have told her the way I did but I turned and said I just paid for your *** to go to the gym. OK you don't have to tell me I'm wrong for that. I know I'm wrong. But its like do you not see that I have changed and am trying to do right but if you keep putting me down its like why try. If she is only going to put me down then why not continue the way things are.  Honestly I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I am sad about it all or if I'm in a nonchalant state. I would like to get along with her don't get me wrong, but I don't think we would ever see eye to eye if she continues to put me down. For once all I want her is to treat me like she treats my sister and she would see the difference in my attitude. For once applaud my achievements, Not always belittling me and talking about my faults. I'm tired of the fight and the struggle honestly. I'm willing to try.. is she? and if she was how would I ever know. Its not like I can tell her everything I just said and she would listen to me... She would sit and try to tell me she doesn't play favorites and she doesn't treat me different. but for once all i want her to do is listen to me her daughter...

Dazed520 Dazed520 21-25, F 39 Responses Mar 19, 2008

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Reading your situation, I understand to a certain degree where you're coming from. My mother molested me during my childhood through early adolescence. I stopped this through locking the bathroom door, which I still do. My mother would embarrass me in public in front of principles, guidance counselors, teachers, in public for reasons I will never understand. I was raised in a strict Christian background and was never allowed to go out out have friends; but I was always a bad person by my mother and father. In my early thirties I saw professional help through my family physician, psychiatrists, and counsellors which was another nightmare. Anyhow, I've overcame many obstacles in my life, I'm trying to do my best based on wisdom. I have no family, no friends, no support, but slowly I'm going forward. It helps to have a journal.

Reading your article is like looking at my life. You got me at the first 10 lines. Sometimes I wonder, could it be that I was an unplanned baby, thus the biased treatment... I may seem cruel, but much as I want to be filial, I simply cannot bring myself to, as there's no emotional attachment at all! i can't even bring my self to tell her I love her! I think that's sad...

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I have the exact same situation within my family. If you walked in my mom's livingroom you would see about 20 to 30 pictures of my older sister and her son and maybe about about two of me and my son. It's always been like this since I was little. My mom is Japanese and my dad is African American. I think I looked too African American and started rebelling at a young age because it was always my mother and sister against me. My dad passed away when I was 9 and I haven't caught a break since. I honestly do not get along my mom on every level, not that she's been abusive but has always paired with my sister. When I try to defend myself they both respond like I'm losing my mind. My mom is very fake and my sister is a major manipulator. I've always been blessed with a lot of friends and they're who I get my support from. One time we all took a trip to Japan and even we we boarded the plane, my sister wanted my mom to sit by her on the plane, the bus, the restaurants, the hotel room. Sometimes I don't know if I'm imagining it because I really try to take a look at myself and I'm not a perfect angel by a stretch, but I don't understand why my sister wants me to be a loser and her to be the winner. And my mom follows along with her like she doesn't have a choice. I sometimes look at other mother/daughter relationships or sisters that are best friends and I realize I never had this and never will.

I'm a guy I fully understand, my dad died when I was young, not suicide but heart failure. I think it was hard for him paying for a mortgage and 4 kids. He was also double crossed in a business venture. He and my mum had there problems but I can't help but feel she never supported him emotionally. I think she drove him to argue with her a lot of the time. I'm saying this because of the way shes treated me my hole life. I'm not saying she hasn't tried to be a good mom, but I know exactly what I've experienced. She has made me suicidal as have my 3 sisters. I've been used as a tool my hole life and when I try to talk to my mum my the arguments start. Shes mental. She's driving me mad to the point I want to move far away. I've even mentioned moving away, she threatens me and demoralises me. My 3 sisters left me to deal with her and at one point I was in my middle teens I was used to mediate my oldest sisters broken marraige. My mum blamed me of breaking there marraige if I didn't help. Btw my sisters ex husband was a drug addict. Needless to say today I am one. My mum is very stupid, It feels like I've grown up on my own. When I confront her and my sisters they remind me of all the good they done for me. But I remember How the good came after their f*cked up attitude. The one younger than the oldest took £5000 off me for her wedding without blinking yet years earlier she left me out to dry when i needed £150 for a fine, she told me it was her money and she wasn't going to help, she is a C*NT. They never ever truely listened to what I went through to the point i've never got to morn my dads death properly. believe me I know my mum driven me to ****. I remember pre teens and teens I tried to get help but my mum used to call my bluff. I also remeber my middle sister telling ppl about my drug addiction as to say hes talking crap my mums normal. She deserted us and went uni n buried her head in the sand. Only to come back with her accusing finger. I started using drugs so I could deal with my mum. Daily she would remind me of my obligation to her and my sisters would too. They ate my dreams, they made me insecure... my mum is a thick bastard, she even used to put me down like your mum did she use to force feed me crap and took me to clinics to see what was wrong with me, she would remind me everywhere i went that my dad was dead... I used to be upset all the time because of her. The only time I've been happy is when I've drank so much and taken weed. My brain is dead then I can't remember all the **** that happend. I still live with her and just being around her with nothing in my system makes my skin crawl.

I have tried to be a good son to my mother but she has always treated me in a horrible manner. As a child she to;d me that she wished I was never born or a miscarriage, to ride my bike and to be hit by a car. She never spoke to my brother in this way and always has held him on a pedastal. If I disagree with her or my brother I am wrong. I was married and they told me what a horrible B***H I was married to and that they could not stand her. I got a divorce and it became how could you disgrace me and my brother told my whatever evil happens to me in life I deserve every bit of it.

I did not speak to them for over 2 years. They searched me out and I tried to reconcile but it was always on their terms. My father died when I was young and I think my mother drove him to suicide.

I remarried and had 2 children my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer and I called my brother to help me when she was in the emergency room and he told me it was too late at night to drive 17 miles because he had to work in t he morning. His wife has never contacted us even with a card or phone call to see how my wife is. This past Thanksgiving we had a dinner because I never know when my wife's last year on this earth will be and his wife got up from the table to go to the Mall on Thanksgiving Day. I told him that she was rude and disrespectful to everyone especially my wife. He is mad and pulled my mother into it again.

I told her that I hated them both today and that I never want them in my life or my kids life and that she and my brother could go F themselves.

The thing is I don't feel bad about it almost relief I just feel bad for my wife who I love so much to be treated as though she does not matter/

i have the same problem its horrible. well mines kinda different i have an older brother and im 15 but same idea. she praises my brother and i can go miles for her but if **** up once or even mess up a tiny bit i am suddenly stupid and she acts like she wants to sell me almost.

I just have troubles thinking about leaving my mom and my friends to move to Calgary from Acme Ab

OMG!! I am so happy I have found someone that is going through the same **** as me. I have to go live with my dad because of this. Any advice on what I should do?

I feel the almost the same way with my mom. I love her, and we do get along. But she always lets my little brother do things I never got to do at his age. I am 2 and a half years older than him and he always gets to do things if I do it. Like driving. My mom wouldn't let me drive in a church parking lot until I was 3 months away from turning 15. But she let my brother drive at 12! She does a lot for my little brother and pretty much ignores me. And for the littlest thing I do, I get grounded for weeks. Yet when my brother has f's, he doesn't get punished. Or if he calls me names and I say one thing back, I get grounded. One time, we were fighting and my little brother hit me with a metal something and it gave me a scar! And yet I got in trouble, and I didn't even touch him. My brother gets all these new clothes all the time, but I have like a whole three outfits! My brother can almost always hangout, and I'm always grounded, and my mom doesn't even remember or won't tell me why. I hate how my mom treats me like I am a little kid. She never let's me do anything. She doesn't act like I am almost 16. Whenever I have homework to do on the laptop, my brother comes first or she has stuff to do. So I end up with missing assignments. I also have depression I think, I have never been told by a doctor, but I am pretty sure I do. I have been so down since first grade and I am in 9th grade. My mom knows I have been made fun of and stuff, but she never has cared to help. I mostly keep to myself though. I have scars from when it is too much. One is even from third grade! I would always come home, and still do, and hide and cry for hours. Sometimes I would scratch myself until I bleed or take a nail and scrape to blood. I have gotten better, but I still do this. I know I am not fat, never have saw myself as fat, but I starve myself sometimes just to die. Seems like the easiest way. Or sometimes, I just can't eat when I am down. I try talking to my mom for help without giving away about this, but she never really truly listens to me. It's always my brother who needs help. I do admit I treat him aweful sometimes, but he treats me worse. I hate being at home. I'm never happy at home. I am just ignored, made fun of, ignored, and grounded.the only person I really have shared what i am going through is my best friend. She understands me the best and actually makes me happy. But she doesn't know exactly what I am going through. I'm just tired of my life.

Have you ever talked to your pricapal teachers or even friends they will most likely be able to help and if they live close you might be able to stay overnight. Seek out help from your doctor the doctor can report it to a social worker. Just keep on trying and get very good grades don't forget education is the most important thing school can be a shelter it is for me. Remember people have it worse off than you ok hang in there.

I don't know how old this post is but I am in the exact same situation! I am 38, married with a child, and still have a toxic relationship with my mother. Unfortunately I still live in the same house with her ( she and my father live in the basement). She has been judgmental of me for as long as I can remember. My little sister can do no wrong. All my life she has criticized the me to tears. I suffer from depression and tried to kill myself at 17. I've been on Prozac ever since. My mother NEVER took the time to read up on or understand my illness. As far as she is concerned it is "all in my head ". I was sort if a rebellious teenager and had a lot of angst. My little sister was always bigger than me and bullied me terribly. She always put me down and tortured me, and never respected me. She would never hang out with me and always took possession of our friends (never let me hang out, never asked me to join in). I always wanted to just be best friends with her but she couldn't care less about me. All the while, my mother never disciplined her. My sister was a mean kid with a magnifying glass and I was the ant! Till this day there are still time where she treats my like the dirt on the bottom of her shoe. My mother still defends her!
Sister was always very heavy and became obese . My mother is a health but and thin as a rail. Instead if badgering my sister about her weight, she would put me down if I even gained a few pounds (I was always thin but became overweight as I approached 30. Now after having a baby, I'm 60 lbs overweight). My sister was like 300 lbs until she had lap band surgery a few months ago. My mother gave me several eating disorders over my life. I've been bulemic, starved myself, and became addicted to laxatives! All because she constantly told me that noone would ever want to marry me because I was fat! She NEVER criticized my sister like that.
She would also call me irresponsible if I took a day off Of work or school. Mind you I have two masters degrees in special ed.
Up until this day, she criticizes my life: how to care for and raise my child, how I clean my house, how I don't always cook for my husband, if I don't put in makeup or dress nicely. The list goes on and on!
Meanwhile, her and my sister are the best of friends. She can do no wrong in my mothers eyes! My sister can be rude, disrespectful and nasty to my mother. But the minute I am, my mother practically crucifies me! I'm always the mean and selfish one, never my sister ( who in fact is quite mean to a lot of people and very selfish.) my sister screams at her kids like a lunatic but the minute I raise my voice, I'm an animal!
Now, after my baby was born, I became very ill. I have severe fibromyalgia and a rare migraine called Hemiplegic which resembles a stroke. I'm also being watched for lupus. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, a bad back and broken tailbone that never healed. I am going through a lot right now and am very much in pain, have terrible anxiety and depressed. My marriage has also been on the rocks. I am also weaning off of my Prozac to start cymbalta because it would be a better choice for my fibromyalgia / depression. Needless to say I am not in a good place right now. I have NO support or understanding from my mother! She never even took the time to learn about my fibromyalgia or depression. Some days I cannot move, let alone clean or even take care if my son ( lift him, bathe him, chase him around). She rolls her eyes at me and always says "well I'm older than you and still work and clean and do everything!" I'm so tired of her. Last night I told her I am no longer her daughter and to forget she has my son as her grand kid ( she's so much more partial to my sisters kids and spends most if her time with them anyway). I also became so deprEssed last night that I wanted to kill myself. My husband and I want to move away but my 80 year old father's health is rapidly declining . I cannot put him through a move right now! I just don't know what else to do!!

My mother always finds faults in what I do. When she asks me to clean the house, I clean it, then she says "there's still a stain in the entrance." I try to keep my mouth shut becuase I know that If I talk back she's just going to keep telling me in disrectpectful. Then when I'm home doing hw she tells me that all I do is watch tv. I would understand if I was failing all my classes but im an straight A Student. In school I never have a behavior problem or any problem to be exact. All of my teachers tell me how my mom must be so proud of me but ildeep inside I know that she just doest care about all the things I do. I really think that's the reason my dad left us. I think he had enough of her. And I'm sorry to say but I sho uld of left with him.

I have finally accepted that what my mother did to my father and is currently doing to me is emotional abuse. So much of what I read below fits her to a T. "gives with fish hooks", argues about petty issues, puts me down, if I voice my opinion, I am deemed argumentative, if I don't do something the way she wants it and when she wants it, she treats me with disdain. She twists and manipulates my words and my actions and uses them against me. I have gotten to the point where I don't even share the most innocuous thing with her because she will find a way to use it against me.

EXAMPLE: Yesterday I told her I had to go to the pharmacy in the evening to pick up a prescription. She asked me if, when I went, would I get her some cough medicine, and she said she would give me money. I said "sure" no problem. WELL>>>>>>that evening I got ready to go and she asked me "do you need money to buy my cough medicine?" YES I replied (I am very strapped for money at the moment). SHE BLEW UP, FLEW OFF THE BED AND WITH HATRED AND VENOM IN HER EYES, VOICE AND BODY STARTED YELLING AT ME AND ACCUSED ME OF THINGS FROM THE PAST (like handling money poorly which is true). She said derogatory things to me. AND my heart grew sad. It has never grown sad before. It usually grows MAD and retaliates. BUT I just kind of feel like a part of my heart died when I heard what she said. So I went to the pharmacy, got her medicine, picked up my prescription (I paid for her cough syrup) and went home. THEN....this morning she calmly offers me money for the cough medicine. She is still angry with me and cold and aloof and distant.

I walk on eggshells so as to not incite her wrath. She is lazy, messy, sloppy, unorganized and does not clean up after herself or her DOGS. This is a huge point of contention between us. I am neat, organized, and quite frankly don't appreciate when there is urine and feces lying around for days from her dogs if I DON'T PICK IT UP. GROSSSSSs. I will be moving away in a couple of years as I am in school right now. My father died 8 years ago and I am quite certain that her hatred, venomous, toxic, irrational, angry, vindictive, and belittling actions toward him contributed to his development of Cancer. Emotional Stress kills. It is now scientifically documented. It impairs the immune system, rendering it handicapped to perform normal immune function. I thought moving back here after my Daddy, (my beloved, kind, loving, wise, gentle, strong, well-educated, amazing best friend), died.....that it would be an opportunity to heal, to forgive her, to learn how to get along. Now i realize she is INCAPABLE OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH. She thrives on chaos, gossip, sadness, turmoil, drama, and cannot break away from her victim role.

It is unhealthy for me to be around her. I have always known this, but last night, something in me switched off/ or on depending on how you look at it. She is not going to change. I don't want to invest in trying to alleviate her suffering. She's a deeply unhappy, vindictive, grudge-holding, sad, person who won't allow herself to be happy.
We are so different and I don't want to waste another second endlessly trying to please her over and over and over...only to be scorned. I'm done. I will continue with school. Make different living arrangements. ...and when the blessed day comes that I can once again return to the west coast, I will be gone. I have come home to heal. I came home to be where my Daddy once was, sit where he sat, walk where he walked. I thought mom and I could learn to get along. But it is not to be. ...last night I accepted this. Time to move on and let her go.

Your mom sounds exactly like my mom right down to the dog poop on her doorstep.

I am in my late 50's and still come home in tears over my mother. She picks favorites and you know when you are not one. She makes little gigs at me all the time and I find my spirit just drops after a day with her. She just lovessssssssssss my little sister. She tells me how much every time she gets a chance. If not with words, with her actions.
My Mom does not drive so since I have been 16 I have taken her. When I asked for a break as I have been the main driver for years... my mom told my relatives I would let her starve. ( that was the day after I took her to a movie and the store) I once wanted to see what she would say and I said I know you love sis more but I do love you. She answered, well we have more in common. NO I LOVE YOU... yes, that answer made me feel really special. I had the most wonderful loving Dad and when he died is when I feel I became a orphan. Does my mother love me? No, not really. I know what love is. My dad made me feel it and what she makes me feel if nothing that resembles love.

i can agree with so much of what you just said.
i had an argument with my mum just this evening, still reeling from it as i hate it when we fight, i do love her.. but she just manages to press my buttons more than anyone else i know.
I'm an only child, 19, live with my stepdad and her.. me and my stepdad usually get on okay.. but sometimes we argue and when we do we both explode.
i used to be so calm, but the way my mum and stepdad treat me, like when i do something small, like leave things on the floor, or forget to turn lights off, they make such a big deal about it and manage to set me off, then my mum (who's extremely fiery) will fly off the handle and it escalates from there.
she's hit me a fair few times.. i'd never dream of hitting her though. No matter how angry she's got me.. i've sworn at her and been an inch away from her face due to her squaring up to me. But i've never hit her, and never will. She treats me as if i'm a stupid child.. and is incapable of having any sort of dignified conversation about anything remotely intelligent. In fact no.. she treats me like i'm an alien from another planet.. i don't think we've hugged due to her wanting too in years.. i can't even remember one occasion since i was young.
It's not entirely her fault she's so frosty though.. her upbringing was bad, my grandfather could sometimes be violent towards her and her 2 sisters, my grandmother included.. this of course made everyone very edgy and frosty most of the time.. just waiting when he would arrive home from the pub drunk and take something out on one of them. (Surprisingly when i was born however he calmed down a lot and was actually extremely good to me, i also think this is another reason my mother seems to dislike me.)
I don't know why i can get so angry with her sometimes though.. maybe i have a bad temper and she just manages to awake it, as im extremely calm with EVERYONE else.
it feels nice just to vent to something.. being an only child can be extremely secluded.. i try to make up for this socially though :) but in all honesty me and mum just can't get along..

i've even been thinking of moving out, as lately it's got very bad.

i felt the same exact way, before i just read your blog i felt like i was the only one
that could feel so contradictory with thier mother, you gave me the assurance
that im not some horrible person my mom tells me on almost a daily basis, for example if i even give her a "look" ;shell explode on me and say so much mean things and yet
if my brother actually complains, as in "words" and not just a look, my mother
will jus sigh and take her time to explain, i feel like an obvious victem of subtle
favoritism and it hardly makes me breathe. My mother believes that the most
effective way of making her point across is arguing back and inflicting low blows,..
she has no idea the effect of what her words did to me. My mom can be so cynical
and make me feel so sad and guilty for other things that we were not even discussing
in the first place, shes pulled my hair till i fell to the floor and ripped my shirt in one
of her fits of rage with me,.. but why me? i feel like im the outlet to all my moms
bad qualities because she really is a good person,..but a good mom?
i wonder the same things you do too, and although a mother went through so much
as to put up with 9 months of agony , just to later nurture you and make you grow,..
what makes you trust in a person and whats sad,... a mother, that u feel that
the differences are irreconciable.

My dad passed away when I was 7 Im 17 and ive got an older bro and a younger sister, it seems like everytime I open my mouth my mom has to disagree with me , when were not arguing its a miracle, she hates giving me stuff and I hate asking her because she uses it against me, but recently I was working 50 hours a week I had my own apartment , but honestly it got super lonely and I missed my family plus I have to go back to school, so I moved in bak home and everyday my mom tells me how useless I am and how I'm the worst son in the world and I make everyone miserable, my friends and me are really close but she doesn't realize that either.. I do my best to stay calm and help out when she needs it but when she's constantly calling me names and putting me down i just snap and We argue because she doesn't know when to stop. I don't know what to do anymore because I'm so use to getting put down and when I try to tell her how I feel she just ignores it or compares me to her friends kids who are goodie 2 shoes, I need some advice

Dear Dazed,

My Dad disses me regularly yet my brother can do no wrong, even when he's obviously wicked. Can I change Dad? NO! Can I make him accept and respect me? NO!

So Dazed, it's time for some distance from old mummy. No offense but she's hurting you and you're hurting yourself by being around her too much trying over and over to gain her love with zero success. Consider this blunt possiblility: She may never accept you. And if she ever does, it may be way down the road. So you, with Christs help, need to move on. If you need acceptance and relational stability, He's there for you. Look up!

That's like my mum, she started working full time and I was made to do everything (cook, clean, feed pets) while my older brother sat and watched. She would never say thanks but if my brother done the smallest thing she would praise him. When my brother hits me, there are no consequences, she just says don't do that again but if I call him something they start shouting at me and grounding me. All the arguments in my house are also apparently caused by me, when I'm away they are the perfect family. Also my mum always says that I need to be like people in my year at school, what she doesn't realise is that I'm happy being me but she always puts me down, I can never do right in her eyes.

I know what you mean. I'm still young and me and my mum bicker constantly. I know that mother and daughter usually do but I mean it's getting ridiculous. We fight like 4 or 5 times a day and it gets me so depressed. I snap at her sometimes, I'm not saying I'm perfect but she can just sometimes be so unreasonable. Sometimes she does things that make it awkward for me and my brothers and I'll call her up on it and she'll shout at me for being cheeky. It's gotten so bad I'm looking into leaving home. It gets me so low and I hate being at home with her. I feel suffocated and I'm not even allowed to go to the shop unless she knows how I've got money and what I'm buying as most things are off limits. I feel suffocated and need my own space and this doesn't help the situation. She's like a small child in the sense that if I am cheeky I'll say I'm sorry I didn't mean that and then she'll go "Oh you never do" and take my tv and phone and ipod away for a few days but she'll continue her sulking for like a week. I said 1 THING!!! What's the point??? She never used to be like this until about a year ago and I think it's to do with our money troubles and I'm approaching the age my older brother moved out because of them not getting along but it's a hard thing to adapt to.

boy oh boy that all sounds so familiar,I stay with my mother cause i was let go do to lack of work,lost my house and had to move back in with her.She recently had a heart attack and is in need of care.I basically do everything around the house i try to get her to do more but she always says she can't but she dosen't even try.We also yell and scream at eachother.She always thinks she's right and everything is always my fault.I'm absolutley ready to walk out but i'm waiting on my disability to come through.She has done alot for me in the past but come on really.HELP.

I can relate to your story very much. I've written a few things about my mom on EP in the past. I'd explain what my life was like growing up, but I don't feel like getting upset at the moment. My whole life I have always wanted a nice mom. I'm never going to get it I'm afraid. I think the key is to learn to be nice to ourselves.

This is EXACTLY what it is for me if I ever got into an argument with my sister I'm always the one to apologize because of course it's always my fault. My sister apparently get treated the same way... yeah. I even told my sister that she was treating you better than she was treating me and she denied it too she wouldn't even admit that it was even slightly unfair that she was never in the wrong. She tells me I'm rude after really angering me the lets be honest - it's her fault. once I spread my legs across the sofa and she said that I had to stop taking up all the chairs. I mean, what? Why does taking up two chairs matter when everyone else already has one? Then when I tell her this she says I'm being rude or "cheeky" to her I will not treat someone like that with respect. I don't see the point it's like trying to impress a brick, but I'm glad it's not just me.

This is my story too.. but now I feel destroying myself..

i am 30 years old and i really cannot remember a time when my mother has been sweet, kind and understanding to me. She said she is a good mother because she worked hard and provide me with everything i needed (financially) and that is good enough to be a good mom. I am always to fat, dont dress right, fix your hair do this, do that, and the comparisons are endless. I am now happily married and since my husband is not a white collar but a blue collar worker she puts him down, and always makes visits a living hell. i fight with her alot because i cannot stand her insults specially to people that are good to me and what is worst is that once she sees i am upset she denies all her insults and says it's my fault, my fault i dont trust her, my fault she is not happy and she is always right.

now i am 8 months pregnant, and it has been a sensitive pregnancy and she was not supportive at all, i was on pelvic rest and she accused me on being lazy for not excersing etc. she did not come to my bb shower because it wasnt how she wanted and now she wants to be part of the delivery etc. i cant let her be part of this i am afraid she will ruin it for me... i feel bad but i have to protect my baby

I'm "the favorite one" in the story, but in reality this hurts me a lot because I love my sister and my equally and I want them to get along. I fight with both of them about this, I cry, and nothing seems to help. What can I do?

That is almost exactly how I feel! The only difference is that I have no siblings and my father passed away. I feel like its just me and my mom and we should get along but we just don't.

I have a similar situation....except I'm the Mom of an adult daughter. I don't have any other family. My own Mother was strict, controlling, abusive, and one of the most self centered people I've ever known. When I became a Mom, I wanted to break the cycle. I put my daughter first, worked to make sure she had lots of opportunities and good self esteem, and I was easy going. What was the result? She cares about herself and only wants me in the picture when she needs something from me (money, use of my car, do the laundry at my house, etc.). No one is perfect and I have many faults. I just don't understand why the relationship with my daughter has gone in the toilet so badly. For the first 22 years we were close. She turned 23 and acts like a spoiled brat. In short, I feel used. All she does is take. Now when I've had enough, I blow (yell). Then she punishes me by not speaking to me or coming around for months on end. I've asked little of her....just respect and once in a while some kindness. Must be too much to hope for. She hasn't spoken to me in a month. I'm hurting very deeply over it.

I am 33 years old and My mom still puts me down

everyday of my life.

Now my 10 year old daughter and step dad

Is piggy backing on:(

Sometimes I dont even want to live, I feel so unliked

By everyone that I am afraid to talk. I now avoid

Social situations because Of my fear of being rejected or putt down.

I used to be very social and made friends easily

Now I can't even establish a new friendship if I

Offered to pay for it. I have no joy or spark left in

My soul. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. I used to love me

Now I hate ME!

That is how I have reacted. I have a fear of being rejected in social situations.. Afraid I may say the wrong thing, act the wrong way, rub off an irritating weird way.. you are not alone in this.. please don't convince yourself that she is right..try and try and try ..

My mum has always treated my older sister better than me, she always makes her sound like the wonderful child and I am the failure, I don't know what she wants from me. She has put me down my whole life, both continuously bullied me as a child, all i have now is bad memories of them both making fun of me, calling me fat and stupid when I know I'm not. I cant understand why the people closest to you in life **** on you! I remember when I got my GCSE results they both gave me a hard time and even made me cry on the day because they kept on at me for getting an E in one of my subjects, they didn't even praise me for the 6 other A s I got! My mum finds fault in everything I do/want to do and frankly I have had enough of it! I moved out last year with my boyfriend and have never been happier, my sister and I never see/speak to each other anymore and I couldn't care less as for my mum I only contact her every now and then. I know when I have children I will always treat them equally and never ever be the way my mum has been towards me.

My mum openly admits my sister is number one.Thing is I dont need her to tell me that,I came to that conclusion myself.I admit I was not the perfect child,but Im an adult now with a child of my own and still she brings up the never know what she will come out with next.When I go and see her I pray that people are there as shes always reserved around others.The constant put downs are pathetic,but she convinces herself she is right.I feel like she does this as she feels she needs to constantly reinforce the fact that my sister is number one and being just a tad civil to me or my brother would be some kind of betrayal.It got to the point now where I dont care.

Well not every mom is a nice mom. Although they say they are nice and play the game and do manipulation tactics on you and everyone else it is just a blinder for them. You are letting her have too much power over you. It comes down to you not being the only one responsible for your interactions. If you want to get along with her and you are willing to work on it see if she is interested in counseling. This way the counselor will show her that she needs to do work and listen from your point of view. Maybe she would see that you actually care- and that could make a ding of a difference. My mother is an alcoholic. Even if I decided to be there and be super nice to her she gets too much out of being mean and rude.That's her way of adding something to the world. I used to be her caretaker, and was very loving toward her. I had to save myself by having self-respect and that meant taking her OUT of my life. It is a struggle because unlike a drug that leaves your system when you stop it- a moms connection hangs there. It just stays and although you know that it should be active- its not. It was never active in a healthy way. I have to remind myself that its better to be empty there than it is to constantly be tortured and to be made to feel like a little dumb good for nothing girl at my level of success and self-accomplishment at 30. My mother has failed to do her part. I am not responsible for everything. I will not take responsibility for her problems. That's the gift I have given to myself. I hope you feel better about growing up.

I hope I can remember what everyone says here..thank you