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I Cant Get Along With My Mother.

Over the years I have never been able to get along with my mother. Ive tried believe me I have. But how can you respect some one that is always putting you down. I have an older sister that my mom adores and in her eyes she can never do wrong. It drives me insane. I try to understand her mind set, but its like nothing I do is good. When she introduces me to people its like this is my bad daughter. And I'm like are you seriously letting this come out your mouth. She always talks about how so many people would love for me to be there mother and your the only person that cant get along with me. But what she fails to realize she made me this way, by always comparing me to some one. This in turn made me strive to be the opposite. For once I want her to realize I'm not everyone else. I'M ME!!! and I hate to be compared to the world outside that does not know the real mother i live with or have to deal with. Nor do they know all the things we have been through. It makes me crazy. I am a very blunt person and I honestly probably don't think before I speak as often as I should, but its like jeez I'm not this horrible person she makes me out to be. But please don't think I'm also this innocent child either. I have done my share of wrong and I'm sure I have dragged her through some ****. But she fails to see all of what she has done to me. I understand the past is the past but the fact that she acknowledges my wrong but not her own errors erks my nerves. Recently her purse was stolen and no one was there by her side helping her through the many different things we had to do but me! But yet she does not even note that at all. All she talks about is that I am rude. OK, I will be honest again I AM VERY RUDE TO HER!! and some times I DON'T ALWAYS TREAT HER WITH THE RESPECT I SHOULD!! But if some one is always putting you down why should you treat them good when they are treating you like garbage. She is always there to help when I need her, but she always talks about it. ALWAYS!! She fails to understand that its her words that make me rude. I hate to be put down. I know I'm not perfect, but at least give me some credit! When her purse was recovered the police gave me 5 pictures of my sister and TWO of me. TWO! But yet she tells me she doesn't play favorites. Its like PLEASE STOP INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE. but she turns and tells me its because my sister isn't rude. There were many times my sister has been rude to her but she never "remembers" those incidents. I can go on and on about the treatment difference of my sister and I... but why? The one person that I want to notice it is so stuck in her own ways that no one can change. My most recent thing that really ticked me off was i picked her up after work one day and we got into another meaningless argument about one of her co workers. She turned and told me if she ever needed money this co worker would help her before I did!!! Recap two days prior to this argument I put out a lot a money for a monthly gym membership for her! So yes when this came out her mouth I was very angry. And yes I shouldn't have told her the way I did but I turned and said I just paid for your *** to go to the gym. OK you don't have to tell me I'm wrong for that. I know I'm wrong. But its like do you not see that I have changed and am trying to do right but if you keep putting me down its like why try. If she is only going to put me down then why not continue the way things are.  Honestly I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I am sad about it all or if I'm in a nonchalant state. I would like to get along with her don't get me wrong, but I don't think we would ever see eye to eye if she continues to put me down. For once all I want her is to treat me like she treats my sister and she would see the difference in my attitude. For once applaud my achievements, Not always belittling me and talking about my faults. I'm tired of the fight and the struggle honestly. I'm willing to try.. is she? and if she was how would I ever know. Its not like I can tell her everything I just said and she would listen to me... She would sit and try to tell me she doesn't play favorites and she doesn't treat me different. but for once all i want her to do is listen to me her daughter...

Dazed520 Dazed520 21-25, F 52 Responses Mar 19, 2008

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Im going through the same thing and the only that keeps me motivated in life is the thing my mother told me: "You'll never get into university computer science (the field I wanna go in), stick to working at Tim Hortons for the rest of your life" she constantly reminds me that I have failed as a son because of some of my marks. But to prove her wrong will mean the world to me and I just have to hold out long enough and not contemplate suicide to get it. Please just hold on a little longer

Tonight I had a fight with my mom. It started because she doesnt like how Im always so gloomy and disrespectful around her and how I don't talk to her or her husband. Its mostly because I find it uncomfortable to talk to adults about problems I'm going through as a teenager. This is part of me growing up and learning to be my own person and i find the process to be uncomfortable when I have to talk to someone (my mom and her husband) who I don't relate to. I know this sound like typical teenage drama but I think I would be much better if my mom didn't call me stupid all the times and always treat me like I have no brain even though she never gave me the chance to make my own decision. My mom, being her almighty self who thinks everyone should live like her, said that I should always put on nice face and act friendly and that's how you get people to like you. She assumed that that I treated everyone disrespectfully. She never bother to ask or try to find out how I truly am in front of my peers. Whenever I'm around her I feel like I can't do anything or if I do something wrong I will judged and called stupid again. I can't stand to be around her because she always tries to teach me something and act like she only do the right things when I know for a fact that she doesn't. She is always trying to control my life, she doesn't even let me go with my friends to a harmless shopping trip. And she expect me to be the perfect person who never get sad bored lonely and to never disobey her. Back to the fight tonight, after trying to teach me again, she said she doesn't need a kid like me and she doesn't want one either. She said I'm no use to her anymore and she doesn't want to waste anymore on me. I do love her and I try to understand what she doing and what she did for me. But I just I want someone who is willing to listen, understand the fact that I really don't like social interactions and I have stress of my own to deal with, especially with studying and trying to be successful and I talk to my friends a lot because they make me feel happy and relaxed. I feel like I have failed as her daughter but I feel like she failed at being supportive.

Wow, similar issues. My mom is loved and adored by all ecept me. Sjhe got a teaching credential, became a teacher amd then married a man who basically made her financoally stable. Built her a brand new 4000 s. Foot home that sits empty more than they use itt. The best credit ever, bit he did it for her and they had 7 children three daughters and four sons. The four sons cant hold down jobs for mpre than six months and she keeps bailing yhem out. My father and her ate at olds because of her constantly bailing men over 50 out. My younger sistet and her gpt into an argument pver my parents taking back a sportscar they gave her. My plder sister they bought her a car, and havent done anything fpr me becaiae I work hard to provide fory son and I. I get no respect or appreciation either, but its because I don't rely on them. I got my MBA last year anf my father calls me fat daily, and my mom picks fights with me. I get tired because no one else has done what I did, and are all except for my older sister reliant n my mom. I sold evwrything to gp tp graduate school and am basically starting over. My son is self supporting has a great job, bpught his own car, and lives in his pwn home. Not sure what the problem is but I do less and less with them because I am sick of the dangling carrot in my face only to get these attacks. I spend a lot of time at home although I bought mom a new Dell computer over her dial up and she whinned about how slow it ot only now she doesn't want it and I cant return it. She runs the streets all day and is in need pf attention and I go every where with her because my father won't. I wish things wete different but my mom seems spoiled. She wants to be better than others but I don't give her that recognition. I am trying to save my transplant, have stress migraines and prefer staying home. She has everything except close friends. I can't help that.


I just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage. I really love Louis so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time... it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce... I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out... He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful man who eventually helped me out with spell... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and used herbs... Within 2 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... NOTE THAT he will ask you to pay a small token amount of money to get the materials to work for you. You can email DR SANJAY via (sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail . com) Don't give up just yet, the different between "Ordinary" & "Extra-Ordinary" is the "Extra" so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it.

Hi mariagrant, can I ask you how do you know this person "Dr sanjai"?? Did u pay him by visa?? How did u trust him?? im afraid to send money and I'd like to try it I sent him a few emails and we been talking...

What u wrote made me cry:( and my eyes are gettin watery right sorry u dnt have a relationship with ur mom.i sometimes feel the same.where my mom picks on me for no reason.i mean she helped me in alot of things and still does.but how she talks to me and is like im a lil kid im 29 years old.and i get treated like a baby.and puts me down.its hard.i love my mom.but the sayin money cant buy happyness.i wud love to have a good relationship with my mom.but seems like it cant be that way i just stay out of her way.i know shes stresses out alot cause she takes care of my dad.but i too took care of my dad.and i never complained.its like i get tired as well.i know i did my wrongs as well and im not happy about it at all whatsoever.but whos perfect noone.sorry dnt stress about it live life happy not sad.

Story of My ******* Life.

From WiseGeek - Narcissistic mother

Signs of narcissistic mothers typically include behaviors such as excessive preoccupation with themselves and a lack of ability to give their children the emotional support they need to grow up into well-adjusted adults. This kind of personality disorder can even be an underlying cause of child abuse in some cases. The average narcissistic mom is nearly impossible to please no matter what the circumstances, and she may often rebuff or scorn her children's attempts at affection or emotional connection. Narcissistic mothers usually create lasting impacts on their children that can create various problems for them as adults. Children of people with narcissism frequently experience trouble forming healthy relationships, as well as increased rates of depression or anxiety.

One of the trademark symptoms of narcissism is that the sufferer generally cannot perceive other people as individuals with needs of their own. Narcissistic mothers usually view their children as extended parts of themselves, rather than as separate human beings. They normally value their children only on a limited basis as long as the children can be beneficial to their narcissistic parent in some specific manner. A mother with this condition may demand that her children excel in sports or receive high grades in school simply to make her appear to be an excellent parent to outsiders, such as friends or relatives. Whether the children learn or grow from this high achievement is incidental and largely unimportant to her compared to this boost to her reputation.

My advice : stay as far away as possible from her, she will ruin your life and your spirit. Don't feel guilty, don't feel shame, just, walk away. Don't worry, she will always find someone to meet HER needs.

Well if you are old enough than just see if you have any relatives that you can live with or stay with for a few months or when your mom starts to talk just be calm, say ok or whatever works, and go wherever you can be calm and let your anger out.

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My mom and I are almost always fighting. I finally told her tonight that I wish we could get along and she yelled at me and said we do get along. I want to get along but she makes that almost impossible. I really want her to understand how I'm feeling! She took my phone away when I wasn't even using it because she thought I was using it! I have a boyfriend and she knows that and she knows I love him and she says I can't talk to him! She likes him too and she will not try to see my side of the story! Please help!

See if you can stay at a relative's or a friends house for a while or maybe have one of your family members talk to her.

Gosh Dazed520, I could have written that account myself. I really empathise with you. I had counselling on how to change myself in order to deal with the bad relationship with my mom. This worked ok for about 6 years but recently she has become much worse & I am now considering going back to counselling to try & separate from her, mentally. I don't think your mum can change but you can change your responses to her. I hope this helps as I really feel for you.

I am 33 and my mother is 74 and she is so mean to me everytime she comes over she makes little comments about my house being dirty or how me and my children like to live in filth. it never ends, me and my husband dont have much but what we do have i try and get on sale if possible. i bought a nice sectional couch used but it was in perfect condition and when my mom seen it she said "oh its nice is it new"? i told her it was used and she said well when i get mine there going to be new not dirty and used and she wouldnt sit on them because gods knows what might be on them. also when i met my husband i have 3 children my two oldest was from a previous abusive marrage and my youngest was a lovely surprise and was only a few months old. he is the only father my son has ever known and to me he is his father as he raised him and my two other kids. my ex has no contact only when he calls my mother as they have become very good friends since i remarried. my mother always throws it in my husbands face that he is not the father of any of my children and that he wishes he was. its awful what she does i need her to stop before i start hating her.. please help

I wish I could give you a hug right now! How awful for your family.

Try to stop your mother from coming down a lot and when she does come down, be extra nice to her and clean up your house so you think she will be a little happy. Try to get your husband out of the house for as long as you can so she cannot yell at him or so. Hope this helped!

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Reading your situation, I understand to a certain degree where you're coming from. My mother molested me during my childhood through early adolescence. I stopped this through locking the bathroom door, which I still do. My mother would embarrass me in public in front of principles, guidance counselors, teachers, in public for reasons I will never understand. I was raised in a strict Christian background and was never allowed to go out out have friends; but I was always a bad person by my mother and father. In my early thirties I saw professional help through my family physician, psychiatrists, and counsellors which was another nightmare. Anyhow, I've overcame many obstacles in my life, I'm trying to do my best based on wisdom. I have no family, no friends, no support, but slowly I'm going forward. It helps to have a journal.

Im new at these..but also reading what u wrote made me teary so sorry that u went thru can people do that to their own kids or to so deeply sorry again for what happen.u didnt deserve that at all.and wish that could of known you to stop it.

Thank you, Erica8509. Most of the time, I don't think about it, but certain negative situations trigger memories from the past. That's why I write a lot in my journal. I can say that the weird part about being abused for most of my life is the sincere wish to be in a better place in life, but in the end always going back to the abuser in some way and then the cycle starts again. I know it's not right to be treated that way, but I can't help it, because it's all I've ever known.

Well earlier this year, I decided to put my foot down and place solid boundaries, which I'm stilling working on, but I find CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) worksheets and writing in my journal has helped me recognize patterns. I still struggle with negative thinking, but I always remind myself about my "grateful list" (one of them is finally having an apartment of my own).

Reading your article is like looking at my life. You got me at the first 10 lines. Sometimes I wonder, could it be that I was an unplanned baby, thus the biased treatment... I may seem cruel, but much as I want to be filial, I simply cannot bring myself to, as there's no emotional attachment at all! i can't even bring my self to tell her I love her! I think that's sad...

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I have the exact same situation within my family. If you walked in my mom's livingroom you would see about 20 to 30 pictures of my older sister and her son and maybe about about two of me and my son. It's always been like this since I was little. My mom is Japanese and my dad is African American. I think I looked too African American and started rebelling at a young age because it was always my mother and sister against me. My dad passed away when I was 9 and I haven't caught a break since. I honestly do not get along my mom on every level, not that she's been abusive but has always paired with my sister. When I try to defend myself they both respond like I'm losing my mind. My mom is very fake and my sister is a major manipulator. I've always been blessed with a lot of friends and they're who I get my support from. One time we all took a trip to Japan and even we we boarded the plane, my sister wanted my mom to sit by her on the plane, the bus, the restaurants, the hotel room. Sometimes I don't know if I'm imagining it because I really try to take a look at myself and I'm not a perfect angel by a stretch, but I don't understand why my sister wants me to be a loser and her to be the winner. And my mom follows along with her like she doesn't have a choice. I sometimes look at other mother/daughter relationships or sisters that are best friends and I realize I never had this and never will.

I'm a guy I fully understand, my dad died when I was young, not suicide but heart failure. I think it was hard for him paying for a mortgage and 4 kids. He was also double crossed in a business venture. He and my mum had there problems but I can't help but feel she never supported him emotionally. I think she drove him to argue with her a lot of the time. I'm saying this because of the way shes treated me my hole life. I'm not saying she hasn't tried to be a good mom, but I know exactly what I've experienced. She has made me suicidal as have my 3 sisters. I've been used as a tool my hole life and when I try to talk to my mum my the arguments start. Shes mental. She's driving me mad to the point I want to move far away. I've even mentioned moving away, she threatens me and demoralises me. My 3 sisters left me to deal with her and at one point I was in my middle teens I was used to mediate my oldest sisters broken marraige. My mum blamed me of breaking there marraige if I didn't help. Btw my sisters ex husband was a drug addict. Needless to say today I am one. My mum is very stupid, It feels like I've grown up on my own. When I confront her and my sisters they remind me of all the good they done for me. But I remember How the good came after their f*cked up attitude. The one younger than the oldest took £5000 off me for her wedding without blinking yet years earlier she left me out to dry when i needed £150 for a fine, she told me it was her money and she wasn't going to help, she is a C*NT. They never ever truely listened to what I went through to the point i've never got to morn my dads death properly. believe me I know my mum driven me to ****. I remember pre teens and teens I tried to get help but my mum used to call my bluff. I also remeber my middle sister telling ppl about my drug addiction as to say hes talking crap my mums normal. She deserted us and went uni n buried her head in the sand. Only to come back with her accusing finger. I started using drugs so I could deal with my mum. Daily she would remind me of my obligation to her and my sisters would too. They ate my dreams, they made me insecure... my mum is a thick bastard, she even used to put me down like your mum did she use to force feed me crap and took me to clinics to see what was wrong with me, she would remind me everywhere i went that my dad was dead... I used to be upset all the time because of her. The only time I've been happy is when I've drank so much and taken weed. My brain is dead then I can't remember all the **** that happend. I still live with her and just being around her with nothing in my system makes my skin crawl.

I have tried to be a good son to my mother but she has always treated me in a horrible manner. As a child she to;d me that she wished I was never born or a miscarriage, to ride my bike and to be hit by a car. She never spoke to my brother in this way and always has held him on a pedastal. If I disagree with her or my brother I am wrong. I was married and they told me what a horrible B***H I was married to and that they could not stand her. I got a divorce and it became how could you disgrace me and my brother told my whatever evil happens to me in life I deserve every bit of it.

I did not speak to them for over 2 years. They searched me out and I tried to reconcile but it was always on their terms. My father died when I was young and I think my mother drove him to suicide.

I remarried and had 2 children my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer and I called my brother to help me when she was in the emergency room and he told me it was too late at night to drive 17 miles because he had to work in t he morning. His wife has never contacted us even with a card or phone call to see how my wife is. This past Thanksgiving we had a dinner because I never know when my wife's last year on this earth will be and his wife got up from the table to go to the Mall on Thanksgiving Day. I told him that she was rude and disrespectful to everyone especially my wife. He is mad and pulled my mother into it again.

I told her that I hated them both today and that I never want them in my life or my kids life and that she and my brother could go F themselves.

The thing is I don't feel bad about it almost relief I just feel bad for my wife who I love so much to be treated as though she does not matter/

i have the same problem its horrible. well mines kinda different i have an older brother and im 15 but same idea. she praises my brother and i can go miles for her but if **** up once or even mess up a tiny bit i am suddenly stupid and she acts like she wants to sell me almost.

I just have troubles thinking about leaving my mom and my friends to move to Calgary from Acme Ab

OMG!! I am so happy I have found someone that is going through the same **** as me. I have to go live with my dad because of this. Any advice on what I should do?

I feel the almost the same way with my mom. I love her, and we do get along. But she always lets my little brother do things I never got to do at his age. I am 2 and a half years older than him and he always gets to do things if I do it. Like driving. My mom wouldn't let me drive in a church parking lot until I was 3 months away from turning 15. But she let my brother drive at 12! She does a lot for my little brother and pretty much ignores me. And for the littlest thing I do, I get grounded for weeks. Yet when my brother has f's, he doesn't get punished. Or if he calls me names and I say one thing back, I get grounded. One time, we were fighting and my little brother hit me with a metal something and it gave me a scar! And yet I got in trouble, and I didn't even touch him. My brother gets all these new clothes all the time, but I have like a whole three outfits! My brother can almost always hangout, and I'm always grounded, and my mom doesn't even remember or won't tell me why. I hate how my mom treats me like I am a little kid. She never let's me do anything. She doesn't act like I am almost 16. Whenever I have homework to do on the laptop, my brother comes first or she has stuff to do. So I end up with missing assignments. I also have depression I think, I have never been told by a doctor, but I am pretty sure I do. I have been so down since first grade and I am in 9th grade. My mom knows I have been made fun of and stuff, but she never has cared to help. I mostly keep to myself though. I have scars from when it is too much. One is even from third grade! I would always come home, and still do, and hide and cry for hours. Sometimes I would scratch myself until I bleed or take a nail and scrape to blood. I have gotten better, but I still do this. I know I am not fat, never have saw myself as fat, but I starve myself sometimes just to die. Seems like the easiest way. Or sometimes, I just can't eat when I am down. I try talking to my mom for help without giving away about this, but she never really truly listens to me. It's always my brother who needs help. I do admit I treat him aweful sometimes, but he treats me worse. I hate being at home. I'm never happy at home. I am just ignored, made fun of, ignored, and grounded.the only person I really have shared what i am going through is my best friend. She understands me the best and actually makes me happy. But she doesn't know exactly what I am going through. I'm just tired of my life.

Have you ever talked to your pricapal teachers or even friends they will most likely be able to help and if they live close you might be able to stay overnight. Seek out help from your doctor the doctor can report it to a social worker. Just keep on trying and get very good grades don't forget education is the most important thing school can be a shelter it is for me. Remember people have it worse off than you ok hang in there.

I don't know how old this post is but I am in the exact same situation! I am 38, married with a child, and still have a toxic relationship with my mother. Unfortunately I still live in the same house with her ( she and my father live in the basement). She has been judgmental of me for as long as I can remember. My little sister can do no wrong. All my life she has criticized the me to tears. I suffer from depression and tried to kill myself at 17. I've been on Prozac ever since. My mother NEVER took the time to read up on or understand my illness. As far as she is concerned it is "all in my head ". I was sort if a rebellious teenager and had a lot of angst. My little sister was always bigger than me and bullied me terribly. She always put me down and tortured me, and never respected me. She would never hang out with me and always took possession of our friends (never let me hang out, never asked me to join in). I always wanted to just be best friends with her but she couldn't care less about me. All the while, my mother never disciplined her. My sister was a mean kid with a magnifying glass and I was the ant! Till this day there are still time where she treats my like the dirt on the bottom of her shoe. My mother still defends her!
Sister was always very heavy and became obese . My mother is a health but and thin as a rail. Instead if badgering my sister about her weight, she would put me down if I even gained a few pounds (I was always thin but became overweight as I approached 30. Now after having a baby, I'm 60 lbs overweight). My sister was like 300 lbs until she had lap band surgery a few months ago. My mother gave me several eating disorders over my life. I've been bulemic, starved myself, and became addicted to laxatives! All because she constantly told me that noone would ever want to marry me because I was fat! She NEVER criticized my sister like that.
She would also call me irresponsible if I took a day off Of work or school. Mind you I have two masters degrees in special ed.
Up until this day, she criticizes my life: how to care for and raise my child, how I clean my house, how I don't always cook for my husband, if I don't put in makeup or dress nicely. The list goes on and on!
Meanwhile, her and my sister are the best of friends. She can do no wrong in my mothers eyes! My sister can be rude, disrespectful and nasty to my mother. But the minute I am, my mother practically crucifies me! I'm always the mean and selfish one, never my sister ( who in fact is quite mean to a lot of people and very selfish.) my sister screams at her kids like a lunatic but the minute I raise my voice, I'm an animal!
Now, after my baby was born, I became very ill. I have severe fibromyalgia and a rare migraine called Hemiplegic which resembles a stroke. I'm also being watched for lupus. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, a bad back and broken tailbone that never healed. I am going through a lot right now and am very much in pain, have terrible anxiety and depressed. My marriage has also been on the rocks. I am also weaning off of my Prozac to start cymbalta because it would be a better choice for my fibromyalgia / depression. Needless to say I am not in a good place right now. I have NO support or understanding from my mother! She never even took the time to learn about my fibromyalgia or depression. Some days I cannot move, let alone clean or even take care if my son ( lift him, bathe him, chase him around). She rolls her eyes at me and always says "well I'm older than you and still work and clean and do everything!" I'm so tired of her. Last night I told her I am no longer her daughter and to forget she has my son as her grand kid ( she's so much more partial to my sisters kids and spends most if her time with them anyway). I also became so deprEssed last night that I wanted to kill myself. My husband and I want to move away but my 80 year old father's health is rapidly declining . I cannot put him through a move right now! I just don't know what else to do!!

My mother always finds faults in what I do. When she asks me to clean the house, I clean it, then she says "there's still a stain in the entrance." I try to keep my mouth shut becuase I know that If I talk back she's just going to keep telling me in disrectpectful. Then when I'm home doing hw she tells me that all I do is watch tv. I would understand if I was failing all my classes but im an straight A Student. In school I never have a behavior problem or any problem to be exact. All of my teachers tell me how my mom must be so proud of me but ildeep inside I know that she just doest care about all the things I do. I really think that's the reason my dad left us. I think he had enough of her. And I'm sorry to say but I sho uld of left with him.

I have finally accepted that what my mother did to my father and is currently doing to me is emotional abuse. So much of what I read below fits her to a T. "gives with fish hooks", argues about petty issues, puts me down, if I voice my opinion, I am deemed argumentative, if I don't do something the way she wants it and when she wants it, she treats me with disdain. She twists and manipulates my words and my actions and uses them against me. I have gotten to the point where I don't even share the most innocuous thing with her because she will find a way to use it against me.

EXAMPLE: Yesterday I told her I had to go to the pharmacy in the evening to pick up a prescription. She asked me if, when I went, would I get her some cough medicine, and she said she would give me money. I said "sure" no problem. WELL>>>>>>that evening I got ready to go and she asked me "do you need money to buy my cough medicine?" YES I replied (I am very strapped for money at the moment). SHE BLEW UP, FLEW OFF THE BED AND WITH HATRED AND VENOM IN HER EYES, VOICE AND BODY STARTED YELLING AT ME AND ACCUSED ME OF THINGS FROM THE PAST (like handling money poorly which is true). She said derogatory things to me. AND my heart grew sad. It has never grown sad before. It usually grows MAD and retaliates. BUT I just kind of feel like a part of my heart died when I heard what she said. So I went to the pharmacy, got her medicine, picked up my prescription (I paid for her cough syrup) and went home. THEN....this morning she calmly offers me money for the cough medicine. She is still angry with me and cold and aloof and distant.

I walk on eggshells so as to not incite her wrath. She is lazy, messy, sloppy, unorganized and does not clean up after herself or her DOGS. This is a huge point of contention between us. I am neat, organized, and quite frankly don't appreciate when there is urine and feces lying around for days from her dogs if I DON'T PICK IT UP. GROSSSSSs. I will be moving away in a couple of years as I am in school right now. My father died 8 years ago and I am quite certain that her hatred, venomous, toxic, irrational, angry, vindictive, and belittling actions toward him contributed to his development of Cancer. Emotional Stress kills. It is now scientifically documented. It impairs the immune system, rendering it handicapped to perform normal immune function. I thought moving back here after my Daddy, (my beloved, kind, loving, wise, gentle, strong, well-educated, amazing best friend), died.....that it would be an opportunity to heal, to forgive her, to learn how to get along. Now i realize she is INCAPABLE OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH. She thrives on chaos, gossip, sadness, turmoil, drama, and cannot break away from her victim role.

It is unhealthy for me to be around her. I have always known this, but last night, something in me switched off/ or on depending on how you look at it. She is not going to change. I don't want to invest in trying to alleviate her suffering. She's a deeply unhappy, vindictive, grudge-holding, sad, person who won't allow herself to be happy.
We are so different and I don't want to waste another second endlessly trying to please her over and over and over...only to be scorned. I'm done. I will continue with school. Make different living arrangements. ...and when the blessed day comes that I can once again return to the west coast, I will be gone. I have come home to heal. I came home to be where my Daddy once was, sit where he sat, walk where he walked. I thought mom and I could learn to get along. But it is not to be. ...last night I accepted this. Time to move on and let her go.

Your mom sounds exactly like my mom right down to the dog poop on her doorstep.

I am in my late 50's and still come home in tears over my mother. She picks favorites and you know when you are not one. She makes little gigs at me all the time and I find my spirit just drops after a day with her. She just lovessssssssssss my little sister. She tells me how much every time she gets a chance. If not with words, with her actions.
My Mom does not drive so since I have been 16 I have taken her. When I asked for a break as I have been the main driver for years... my mom told my relatives I would let her starve. ( that was the day after I took her to a movie and the store) I once wanted to see what she would say and I said I know you love sis more but I do love you. She answered, well we have more in common. NO I LOVE YOU... yes, that answer made me feel really special. I had the most wonderful loving Dad and when he died is when I feel I became a orphan. Does my mother love me? No, not really. I know what love is. My dad made me feel it and what she makes me feel if nothing that resembles love.

You are really brave. I know because it takes a lot to ACCEPT that your relationship with your mother cannot change. I changed my responses to my mother but that just made her even more determined to hurt me. I held out for a while but I, like you, now accept that in order for me to be fulfilled & live a happy life, I have to do it without her. I wish you happiness & success for the west coast.

i can agree with so much of what you just said.
i had an argument with my mum just this evening, still reeling from it as i hate it when we fight, i do love her.. but she just manages to press my buttons more than anyone else i know.
I'm an only child, 19, live with my stepdad and her.. me and my stepdad usually get on okay.. but sometimes we argue and when we do we both explode.
i used to be so calm, but the way my mum and stepdad treat me, like when i do something small, like leave things on the floor, or forget to turn lights off, they make such a big deal about it and manage to set me off, then my mum (who's extremely fiery) will fly off the handle and it escalates from there.
she's hit me a fair few times.. i'd never dream of hitting her though. No matter how angry she's got me.. i've sworn at her and been an inch away from her face due to her squaring up to me. But i've never hit her, and never will. She treats me as if i'm a stupid child.. and is incapable of having any sort of dignified conversation about anything remotely intelligent. In fact no.. she treats me like i'm an alien from another planet.. i don't think we've hugged due to her wanting too in years.. i can't even remember one occasion since i was young.
It's not entirely her fault she's so frosty though.. her upbringing was bad, my grandfather could sometimes be violent towards her and her 2 sisters, my grandmother included.. this of course made everyone very edgy and frosty most of the time.. just waiting when he would arrive home from the pub drunk and take something out on one of them. (Surprisingly when i was born however he calmed down a lot and was actually extremely good to me, i also think this is another reason my mother seems to dislike me.)
I don't know why i can get so angry with her sometimes though.. maybe i have a bad temper and she just manages to awake it, as im extremely calm with EVERYONE else.
it feels nice just to vent to something.. being an only child can be extremely secluded.. i try to make up for this socially though :) but in all honesty me and mum just can't get along..

i've even been thinking of moving out, as lately it's got very bad.

i felt the same exact way, before i just read your blog i felt like i was the only one
that could feel so contradictory with thier mother, you gave me the assurance
that im not some horrible person my mom tells me on almost a daily basis, for example if i even give her a "look" ;shell explode on me and say so much mean things and yet
if my brother actually complains, as in "words" and not just a look, my mother
will jus sigh and take her time to explain, i feel like an obvious victem of subtle
favoritism and it hardly makes me breathe. My mother believes that the most
effective way of making her point across is arguing back and inflicting low blows,..
she has no idea the effect of what her words did to me. My mom can be so cynical
and make me feel so sad and guilty for other things that we were not even discussing
in the first place, shes pulled my hair till i fell to the floor and ripped my shirt in one
of her fits of rage with me,.. but why me? i feel like im the outlet to all my moms
bad qualities because she really is a good person,..but a good mom?
i wonder the same things you do too, and although a mother went through so much
as to put up with 9 months of agony , just to later nurture you and make you grow,..
what makes you trust in a person and whats sad,... a mother, that u feel that
the differences are irreconciable.

My dad passed away when I was 7 Im 17 and ive got an older bro and a younger sister, it seems like everytime I open my mouth my mom has to disagree with me , when were not arguing its a miracle, she hates giving me stuff and I hate asking her because she uses it against me, but recently I was working 50 hours a week I had my own apartment , but honestly it got super lonely and I missed my family plus I have to go back to school, so I moved in bak home and everyday my mom tells me how useless I am and how I'm the worst son in the world and I make everyone miserable, my friends and me are really close but she doesn't realize that either.. I do my best to stay calm and help out when she needs it but when she's constantly calling me names and putting me down i just snap and We argue because she doesn't know when to stop. I don't know what to do anymore because I'm so use to getting put down and when I try to tell her how I feel she just ignores it or compares me to her friends kids who are goodie 2 shoes, I need some advice

Dear Dazed,<br />
<br />
My Dad disses me regularly yet my brother can do no wrong, even when he's obviously wicked. Can I change Dad? NO! Can I make him accept and respect me? NO!<br />
<br />
So Dazed, it's time for some distance from old mummy. No offense but she's hurting you and you're hurting yourself by being around her too much trying over and over to gain her love with zero success. Consider this blunt possiblility: She may never accept you. And if she ever does, it may be way down the road. So you, with Christs help, need to move on. If you need acceptance and relational stability, He's there for you. Look up!