I Am 47 And I Still Do Not Get Along With My Mother

I think she hates me. Something is terribly wrong with her approach to me. It is so different with my brother. I am in a state of depression because of this. I had to accept that I have a biological mother but not a mother the way i was told and taught how mothers are suppose to be. I need her sympathy and understanding but she won't give it. She has said it. I feel like killing myself often.. I cried so many times even at work when I think about how alone I am even if I have a mother. Why did destiny send me this way...why
espalumna espalumna
46-50, F
4 Responses May 9, 2012

aww sounds like we have a lot in common...i consider mothers who do things like this to their children to be emotionally abusive. and i find that emotional abuse is one of the worst kinds..no one believes you that you were abused bc you have no physical scars to prove it! it hurts so badly!! please talk to me whenever you feel low. i will be your friend..i have been there, oh man if only you knew.

thanks dear. you can talk to me too.

Well, suicide is never the answer. Trust me - I know from experience. You want that sympathy and you think you'll get it by this action, but what you seem to forget is that you won't be here to see the sympathy. <br />
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Often times, we live our whole lives trying to get that justification and validity from our parents, and when we don't get it, we seem inferior. What I had to teach myself is that my mother has a life illness that does not reflect who I am. She is warped and uncaring towards me, but she does not define me. Easier said than done when I say move on because I've lived almost 40 years and I'm just now realizing all of this myself. It's very difficult, I know. You start seeking some kind of validity in other people and usually they're the wrong kind of person or just plain wrong altogether. <br />
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I found that the best revenge or whatever you want to call it is living my life and having one-word conversations with my mother. I'm happier, don't really care how it makes her feel, and my stress level is down.

I don't take drugs, I work, never been out of work, I don't get drunk.. she has told me several times.. YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY.. YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT...<br />
she also said.. A PARENT'S WORDS ARE NEXT TO GOD's.. PEOPLE KNOW WHEN A PERSON's CHARACTER IS NOT GOOD..rendering me hopeless to what I am .. what I have become.. deducing..concluding I am bad..finally concluded she is right I am not a good person.. it has depressed me.

If you have the capacity to become depressed about this, it just means that you have a heart and that you're not a bad person. Your mother (like all mothers) spawns from a different generation from yours and thanks to that and her own personal character, she acts like she does with you.
Chin up. Whenever your mom puts you down, think of something cool/good about yourself to bring yourself back UP! And pray, too. God never will put you down, He listens instead. Don't let her attitude ruin your life. Her attitude is not worht your sanity or your life. SMILE!

Trust me you ain't the only one in this situation, I feel the same always, i am 22 and in this many years I failed to please her and to be in a good relationship with her. Wow!! thought i was the only one complaining about my destiny in regards to my mum..