Guilt Trip Isn't Working

I hate December because it is the month of "have tos" and ultimate fakeness. Unfortunatley, it is the month I happened to be born. I don't mind being born, I just mind that there has to be this big reminder of it.

So once again, my mother brings up the agonizing issue of the day of my birth and tries to manipulate a fake celebration- because that is what is done in this society....

She starts off this morning with this exact quote, "I am going to ask you something and if you say no I will be very upset and when I die you will have to remember every time you made me upset" I mean that is a true quote- no one could make something like that up!!!

She then proceeds to tell me her manipulative party plans of inviting my brothers and their families (including their wives who I don't exactly even get along with).

I tell her that years ago I told my brothers that we will no longer be celebrating my birthday, but if they choose to have a party for their birthdays I will def. be there. This was the year after my father died. The one and only person who truly loved me. So whatever. It is what it is. I will no longer celebrate with this woman who does not love me. who in all actuality hates me and we just put up with each other. Sick? Yep. Oh, yeah, I know!!!!

I told her we could go out to breakfast, but my husband is taking me out to the Blue Man Group. She says, "you did that on purpose". Really? ya think??????

I just drank 3.5 beers because I am just beyond frustrated. She is so lucky I even deal with her- I try so hard to be patient and help her sorry self out in whatever ways I can- but sitting there, acting fake and trying to pretend that this woman really wants to "celebrate" me is not part of the deal. I will not partake in this bs. I will not. The end.

I don't know why writing this here is a good idea. I don't want to depress anyone else. But, if someone out there has a mother as sick and twisted as my mother- maybe reading this will help you see you are not alone for whatever that is worth. This sure is a hellish place to be and I cannot describe the feelings to anyone who would actually get along with their mother.
chiak chiak
36-40, F
Nov 29, 2012