I Don't Get Along With My Mother.
"I don't get along with my mother"..
I'm 19 and was brought up by my mother and my grandparents from birth till 10 when my parents got back together and got married. They also have two other children who I love with all of my heart. My parents split nearly four years ago. It was a typical 'Me in the middle' scenario but it feels so different to actually live it.
I love my mother but it has taken me two years to say that after she told me to leave in one of our many arguements. Always the same arguement. She was convinced (rather she had convinsed herself) that I 'loved my father more' and 'wanted to live with my father' etc.
I was emotionally exhausted. I still am. She works strange weekend and nightly hours and she has major mood swings..sometimes drinks.. and often forgets the abuse the day after. I moved out and only just got through my A-levels thanks to good friends pushing me on (what would we do without them?)
But now, every time I see a mother and daughter that are happy, i feel angry. I feel upset that all the energy and happy times we had all came to nothing. I'm scared that when I have a child, when I have girl..i may treat her the same way. I'm so scared.
I don't feel the need to talk to my mother, we don't know anything about each other, she lies a lot about who she's seeing..it's strange. She says it's got nothing to do with me what she does every day. Im not asking for reports, just a quick text..just to say shes ok. I have a younger sister, who my mum always says is just like me, I love my sister to bits but I think my mum is putting her energy into her. I don't feel welcome in the family home .. I feel I have no home. I don't know what to do.
Overall, I've tried for years to be good to my mum, and love her because one day we will all be dead and I don't want to waste any time. But why should I let her treat me like that? I don't miss her, but I regret and hate that we don't have a bond. We are mother and daughter.
Sorry for the rant, i'm just very upset.