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A Vindictive Miser

I left my control-freak husband when I lost all trust in him.
By that time he knew that the only way he could hurt me was by using our daughter as his 'weapon'.
There then followed a nightmare 4-year long fight to get a divorce.

He says he loves our daughter more than anything on the planet.
Yet he has never paid a penny in child support for her. He regards it as having to give *me* money - not as providing for our child.

Some of his avoidance tactics include:
- leaving his job to avoid having to make any child support payments.
- lying to the CSA and telling them his weekly income was £0
- He stayed in our house and repeatedly failed to pay the mortgage. His hope was that the property would be repossessed and I would have no equity to claim. (Luckily the house was sold just days before this happened!)

We have a shared custody agreement, which I hate. I never intended to be a part-time parent.
HIS take on the agreement is that we share costs - ie her expenses are paid by whichever parent she happens to be with at the time.
Of course that doesn't happen! Only last week she rang me to tell me that her school shoes needed replacing, and that her father had told her to call me and arrange a time for me to take her out and buy new ones. He reckoned that because the shoes were less than 6 months old, I should take them back to the store and get a refund. I spoke to the stupid man and reminded him that it was his obligation to buy the shoes. But he didn't do it, of course.
This kind of stuff happens all the time.

I only have a part-time job which pays very little. (My very poor sickness record prevents me from getting a new job - in fact I can barely hold on to the one I have.)

And all the while there is this vindictive tosser in the background trying to make me look like a fool in front of our daughter.


Thank You. Rant Over.
Mrsb1995 Mrsb1995 36-40, F 2 Responses Oct 1, 2012

Your Response


I had a similar situation just over 4 years ago. I'm sure my ex wife would tell a completely different story. One where She had both our daughters all the time (we had a court shared care arrangement) She gained family allowance and tax credits to the tune of over £600 per month and didnt share any of it with me. I had a traffic accident and couldnt work for 3 months (self employed) I had to use my savings to pay my bills and look after my girls, while she claimed to the world she had them all the time, Now, they are older my eldest has gone to University and help her as much as I can, while the younger daughter lives with her mum all the time. I agreed to pay for her upkeep/maintenance, but my ex wife who has since remarried pretends to be a housewife and doesnt work but actually is a director of her new partners firm. Shes working the system to the extent where they have money coming in from benefits and yet I still contribute so they can run a brand new car and have two foreign holidays a year. I'm cleaned out and earn nothing through the winter months, have health issues but DHSS dont want to know. So as much as I have every sympathy for your own situation it sometimes cuts both ways. We are not all bad guys and would never see my girls suffer. Meanwhile my ex wife paints the picture to the rest of the world that I am a terrible father and has done her best to get my girls to regard her new partner as their dad. It makes me weep it really does AND like you I had no intention of becoming a part time parent. I barely see my girls these days and here at Xmas time it hurts even more.

sorry you are going through this. I hate shared custody.

Actually it was your story about shared custody that prompted me to write this. It's a relief to know that I am not alone, and that there are others out there who truly understand how I feel.
Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Best wishes to you, friend.
Keep on sharing!