I Was Told By Family Support My Case Has "No Hope"

My husband walked out when I was seven months pregnant.  After being married for two years I thought at least he would pay child support.  I was very wrong.  I have not seen a time from him in over nine years.  I have an active account with family support.  We have had his license revoked, filed contempt of court charges and even had bench warrants out for him.  Still I get nothing.  I am so outraged that the State of California will not throw him in jail.  He has been in there custody, and they let him walk.  What ever happened to tough laws for childrens welfare..?   I work full time and I guess the state figures as long as I am not on welfare that the matter isn't important.  I don't know what else to do.  I recently spoke with family support services and was told my case was "Hopeless"  I refuse to believe that.  Our state is almost bankrupt do to over spending on social service programs.  I wonder how many other parents are out there not getting any support for their children and are forced to be on these programs.  Just a thought!! Big deal we take away a drivers license. Many people drive without them any way.  Its been almost ten years and I am fed up. 

nikir nikir
3 Responses Jul 1, 2009

Sadmadmom - oh boo hoo!!! Yes and when a woman says that "it takes two" to make a baby what she REALLY means is 1 + 1 or rather 1 to have the child and get the pretty pictures made at the WalMart and 1 other to pay for it all. Isn't it miraculous that women these days all have the equivalent of the immaculate conception! Yessiree those babies just climb up their legs in the middle of the night through no fault of the wimmenz at all and then those bad bad men (whose names she's forgotten) are so evil as to not offer up a lifetime of labor for her to lavish on herself with a little trinket here and there ending up on the kids plate. <br />
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Please. Your cries about it takes two are completely transparently false. You have no intention of it taking two, what you are attempting to justify is women not being responsible and getting a free income stream because they decided to sleep around. Not that long ago it was considered wisdom that because women end up bearing the children it was therefore efficacious for them to perhaps consider carefully on whose crotch they should ride. Enter the government making sure it isn't her who has to be careful but whomever she labels as possibly being the daddy and this is moral? How? The hue and cry of "keep it in your pants!" was for thousands of years "Keep your legs closed you ****". This was considered moral right up until the modern creation of child support which allowed women a chance to transfer all responsibility for their bad behavior onto the backs of whatever guy they wanted to finger for support - backed up by the full violence and criminal enforcement apparatus of the entire federal and state government. Yes this is an improvement. Replace the natural inclination for a man to care for and take care of a family with truncheons and slavery and you have a better world - just add violence. And since women now bear no ultimate responsibility for their bad behavior we get much more of it with single "motherhood" now out ranking births inside marriage. Who'd have thought that if we take away any penalty for bad behavior and stick somewhere else that you would get MORE of that behavior? Why you'd think that if someone were a problem gambler that all we'd have to do to make a better world is make sure they were subsidized if ever they lost in a casino then they'd stop gambling right? Huh? They gamble more? What we are doing is encouraging women to make bastards because that is exactly what men are forced to pay for. We have completely severed the long going natural process of punishment for bad behavior by females and placed all of the responsibility for their bad choices onto men and then sat back and watched the fun. The outcome should not have been a surprise. If you guarantee an income stream for children born out of wedlock or a huge payout for any woman to frivolously divorce then, yes, that is exactly what you are going to get. No worries baby - you just do what YOU want to and all the natural unpleasant consequences will be paid for by others.... OR ELSE! <br />
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No you getting yourself knocked up or deciding you aren't HAAAAAAPY isn't an excuse to make slavery moral and yes you getting knocked up or ejecting your husband doesn't entitle you to own another human being. You getting knocked up or ejecting him was your choice which you chose to do and the fact that the universe doesn't parcel out absolute equal responsibility on the sexes for this stupid choice you made is not a reason to morally allow slavery for your convenience. For all the talk about shared this and equal that what you ultimately demand is the for the government to stick a gun in the face of whomever you finger and force that guy to work for you. It isn't like you were raped, you chose to do this, and yes the responsibility should rest with you as it has naturally throughout history. You think having a child is so tough? Try paying child support under threat of imprisonment. Give him the child and you pay him for a few months... yeah... like that would happen.

that doesn't apply to this woman at all. She was married. Doesn't sound like she was sleeping around. maybe you are frustrated at a trend you see in general....but in this case your rage could best be directed elsewhere.

All I can say to "aremorhaz" is YOU are a moron.<br />
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Two people decide to have sex, not just one. And the man always has the option to wear his "rain coat". If you don't then you know you could have a child YOU both must help take care of.<br />
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Do you know the cost to raise a child? Google it DA...$227,000 is the going rate in 2010. YOU share some of that burden since you shared in the fun of the moment.<br />
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This comment from "aremorhaz" is the most immoral comment I've seen on this web site.<br />
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Every single parent I know trying to raise a child needs help, Help from BOTH parents.<br />
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If you don't want a child....wear a "rain coat" or don't have sex....!

You had a child. You keep the child. You support the child. End of story. Do not cry, moan, and pout that you don't get to keep another human being as your personal slave and attendant. As a woman you had all the choices in this - you can legally kill the child, drop it off at any number of places free of charge for someone else to take care of, demand someone else be your slave for 18-24 years. Boooo-hooo. You could also do what I am sure most people here will advise the man to do... keep your pants on. Oh I am sorry I forgot you are a woman and NEVER responsible for your own actions. That's right I am sorry, only MEN are to be responsible for themselves and whatever stupid choices (yes getting knocked up was your choice) the women make. Slavery (which is what you are griping about) under threat of violence is a social wrong far worse than you having to buy your own bon-bons. Get over it. Life for thousands of years did NOT involve knocked up irresponsible women getting a gravy train of goodies from a phone book full of men. You wanted to have a child, take care of him. Don't force someone else to pay you to do this and pretend your mother Theresa for doing it.

I see what your saying as far as we woman do have the choice as far as keeping the child, and raising the child. But it still wouldn't erase the responsibility a man "should" have as well to that child. Thats not to say that in every single case a man should have to pay support for 18 years.........there may be cases where its such a casual relationship and the woman walked out or whatever, that a much less time would be appropriate for a man to help her with all the expenses. But for a woman who is working hard, after the father of her baby, who was married to her or in a serious relationship with her, knowingly left her with a baby on the way... to suggest that this woman should be expected to do it all herself is quite cruel. Raising a child with love, compassion and hard work is probably one of the most productive acts a person can do in this society in my opinion. And getting an amount of income stream from another parent just seems fair to me.