Winning The Race

While dating, my now ex-girlfriend once told me that every guy she had been with, including her ex-husband, had cheated on her, and she expected, at some point, that I would do the same.  I always laughed about it - not that it was funny she had been cheated on - but the fact that she would paint me with the same brush as them. 

It always surprised me that, given that history, she wasn't jealous in any way whatsoever.  Family / Friends who didn't like her pointed out that she may have just been passiive aggressive, trying to pre-empt me from doing what so many before me had done to her, but I dismiss that idea.  I've never cheated, nor have I ever been jealous, so to me it always felt like a race I was never going to run in. 

In the end, I think it made us closer.  Since I knew what her mindset was, I would go out of my way to make sure I addressed the insecurities she held.  It also made me much more aware of my surroundings, always trying to look at situations from her point of view, and extracting myself from any situation that could be misconstrued.  I think it helped us to communicate better as well.



AaaaaaRGH AaaaaaRGH
36-40, M
2 Responses Jul 18, 2010

The ex had a few issues, one of which was being a rape survivor. I don't doubt that surviving that as a teen, plus being cheated on repeatedly, added to her cynical view of men/dating. Sometimes I wonder how we lasted five years.<br />
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Jealousy is one of those traits I'm glad I don't have. It can have an extremely destructive influence, though it's good, msshelly, that you don't let it get in the way of things. For me, I think this is where being the youngest sibling really helps. When i was younger, I saw first hand what jealousy did in several relationships my sisters had and was smart enough to learn from them.

It wasn't until after we broke up that many of my family members said they didn't like her. Funny thing is, in each of the reasons they cited and examples they provided, I actually agreed with my ex's viewpoint and not that of my family. Maybe I was adopted. ;-)