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Preteen Girls.....ugghhhh

I am a father of a preteen girl who to this day I don't understand. She doesn't live with me or my wife, she lives with her mom. She is a beautiful young lady who I know will make mistakes, we all do. My question though is why does she keep doing things that she knows is going to get her into trouble with me. I try to show her positive feedback only and don't get too negative even though there have been times I should have. Here recently I caught her with a Zoosk account searching out dates from older men, way older (40 plus) men. She's 12 for crying out loud. Why is she behaving like this? I immediately called her mother and explained what I found out. This is not acceptable behavior from my daughter. Not even two weeks later I catch her in a lie to me. I asked her a question and she blatantly lied to me. Again I do not accept this behavior and reprimanded her for it. Now this last deal has really got me, in many ways. She posted on her Facebook account (I didn't want her to have it, her maternal grandmother created it for her) that she was going to find a way to get out of my sisters wedding and go to some stupid haunted house. Now I understand when your 12 that some people aren't cool anymore but when it's your Aunt, who would have done anything for you and has proven that time and time again, why? Is she trying to remove herself from my family because of something that her other family has said? Is she trying to see how far she can push my buttons? I don't understand how she can do this to us. To say that I am hurt by her actions lately would be a gross understatement. What can I do to bring back my girl who used to love coming to my house. Instead she tries to find a way to get out of coming over. I don't want to be the dad who is hated by their kids because he's not fun, yet I don't want to be the dad whose fun and kids don't treat people with respect and have dignity. What am I doing wrong? I honestly feel like I don't want anything to do with her over this. I can't stand for it. I don't appreciate being lied too, having a daughter that tries to go behind my back and flat out doesn't want to be with me. I'm sad to say this but I'm about to give up and let her do her own thing and say goodbye. Is that wrong of me? What is wrong with me?
neverbeenthesame neverbeenthesame 31-35 4 Responses Oct 20, 2010

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Your a network admin, yet you made an obvious move of resetting an email password, which would lead then to create thousands of email for your daughter, which would be impossible to monitor. You should have realized there are more effective and discreet ways to monitor a single email add from any remote location without raising the alarm.

Hello My friend.<br />
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Just thought I would add my little piece. I am 17, almost 18. My father left when I was very young..he made no effort..and still doesn't, believe me...that effects a person. Don't give up on her. Teenagers, even preteenagers can be very difficult. Though myself I never really had a rebellion age...my elder sisters did very much. My Sister T was around 13 when she began acting out, she stole, she lied, she got drunk...she totally rebelled..screamed at my mum for all sorts, and now..even though she can still be difficult she has apologised for it. Hormones..can actually make people very very...rebelious. I think the most worrying thing was her seeking attention from older men. You have to keep her safe..as many men would take advantage of her. She is so young. My advice would be to not give up....stick it through, don't let her away with things, but don not become bitter!!! Because she will then feel you don't actually want her around. It may just be hormones...but it could be something else. Her wanting attention from older men suggests a problem. You need to sit down with her, talk to her..show her how upset you are in a non angry manner...let her see how your hurting, then ask her if there is anthing wrong..maybe why she is acting this way? Be as understanding as you can! Do not blame her, just talk...explain that you love her being around, and understand she is getting older you just want a good relationship with her. Honesty is the best thing for this I believe. <br />
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You are right about not letting her treat you badly though, you need to tell her that there is consequences for her actions. <br />
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Also I would suggest talking to her mum. Don't let her simply refuse to come over because she wants friends round, be firm...but approachable, compromise with her. Say if she behaves then she can bring a friend round with her, and you will rent them a movie and make Pizza...see?<br />
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Hope this helps my friend.<br />
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AviX

But why force someone to do something they obviously don't want too? Just last night she decided that she didn't want to come over this weekend and would rather have a friend stay the night at her moms house. I understand friends are a very important part of teenage life, but when do you stop wanting to be with your parents? I don't remember being like this till I was older, like 17-18 and heading to college. Even then I had a strong relationship with both of my parents and still do to this day.<br />
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I understand what your saying, I get that and I know I will always be there for her, as I am her father. It just hurts knowing that she wants nothing to do with me. I don't know what I can do to help her or to mend this relationship. I love her dearly and was really upset when I wrote what I did. I didn't mean most of what I said from my perspective and looking back I probably sounded like a jerk of a dad, I am truly not that way, I am just hurt.

Yes that is REALLY freakin' wrong of you. She is your daughter, man up and be her parent. Yeah she might hate you for a bit, but ANYTHING is better then where things will lead otherwise.