I Let It Happen...

I keep asking myself how, but the truth is that I let it happen. No one else forced me to do anything. As a teen I was so social. I did alot I shouldn't have, but I had fun and I was constantly going. I didn't worry about everything. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I just did and I enjoyed.

But high school ended, the real world hit me, I fell into a bad relationship that I'm in the process of working over. I have some hope for it, but if I'm being totally honest I don't think it'll last past this week. After 7 years, half a week seems like nothing and its killing me.

I gave up my life because I was scared and he was there to hide me from the world. I didn't have to do anything that made me uncomfortable because he was there. He hated me for it, but he did it anyways. I never left home unless it was a rare visit to family, to go to work or for the short while that I was in college. We rarely went out. He never really felt interested in doing anything with me. He was fine with being home and doing nothing, so I took that on too.

I hate watching tv, but its all we ever did. Every couple of weeks we might go see a movie or go out to eat, but it was usually just because I didn't feel up to cooking. I'd lost all of my friends by this point. Now years later, I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to push myself into social situations. I'm scared of people, of their judgment. I go to work and go home. That's my life and I'm sick of it.