Funerals Ruin Memories

When I was a kid, my grandmother died of MS. When I went to her funeral I saw her in the coffin, and everyone was saying that she looked like she was sleeping. I couldn't disagree more. There was a stillness about her that was completely unnatural. Her chest didn't rise and fall with each breath; she didn't turn or twitch; her eyes didn't flit back and forth under her eyelids; she was lifeless. People who are asleep look peaceful. Grandma didn't look peaceful. She didn't look like anything. She was a corpse, and looked like a corpse.


That experience had the effect of sweeping my mind blank of happy memories of my grandmother. I will forever remember her dead body, covered in makeup that made her look like clay. Thats why I don't go to funerals. They don't give me closure. They give me a lifetime of disturbing memories of clay corpses being lowered into their plots.

DaughterOfTheKing DaughterOfTheKing
18-21, F
5 Responses Jan 8, 2007

My brother passed away and I went to the viewing for the sake of family only. I told everyone, I was not going in to view his body! I was pressured by other family members. It has now put yet another wedge to be forced in by pressure "that it is ok", "he is with god", "let the lord lead you", .... Enough kind people stop making people feel like they have too. I never want to see a loved one like that again. Years before, they claim when my mother passed away I was at her funeral, I was so lost I do not even remember the day. <br />
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Dido to what 1LawDog said.

Maybe it's just me, but why would someone allow a child to see an open casket with one of their dearest, closest relatives inside? That's asking for trauma! <br />
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Daughter of the King, I'm truly sorry you'll always have that memory of your grandmother instead of how she was while she was alive. <br />
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And Emerald, I can't think of a more bizarre situation than that with your friend's aunt! I'd sue the funeral home. Seriously. That's total negligence on their part. <br />
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Pat B, you're right. Everyone knows what sleeping people look like & no funeral can fake that. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

one two three excellent reason's why I would want a closed coffin. However, I am saddened that you had such a horrific experience. Funerals, are for the living really. To grieve together, to support together, to share good stories together, to show your respect and mostly to celebrate a life. The life gone that will forever be missed.

I could not agree with you more. There was nothing about my husband laying in that casket that remotely resembled his sleeping!

I have a friend that hasn't been to a funeral BECAUSE of the memories it created for her. But then again, her Aunt's corpse sat straight up in the coffin during the procession!!! The aunt's spinal cord hadn't been severed, suddenly spasmed, and bolted the body upright in reflex movement!