28 And No License

When I was a young teenager, I was never excited about getting my license like everyone around me. When I was 16 my mom had to force me to get my permit and finally learn to drive. I was literally crying and begging because I didn't want to, but I did drive for a year or so with a permit, mostly by myself on back roads, but I have still never taken the driving test 12 years later. I know one of my biggest problems is very low self esteem and high self doubt. I never believed that I could control a vehicle properly and safely, and I also stressed a lot over the actual test. Now it has turned into a driving phobia where just the idea of being behind the wheel freaks me out. I don't really know where this phobia came from, I have never been in a bad car accident, and I don't really get scared riding with others as long as they're half way competent, but I know that I can never actually do it.
I have been fortunate to have people in my life who have somewhat understood or at least accepted this issue and have been kind enough to take me to work, the store, or doctors appointments and other daily life stuff. My poor boyfriend now drives 90 miles a day just to get us to work. I feel horrible, I really really do, but I pay for gas and am thankful he is such a good guy. I know I have missed out on a lot of things by not driving like maybe getting a better job I wanted more or making for friends, and I don't feel very independent, but this is the life I have chosen and I really don't regret it. I am a very big homebody and I work overnights, so I sleep all day anyway.
I still don't plan on ever getting a license. I always said I would if I got pregnant, but I'm unconventional in other ways as well and don't want kids or marriage anyway. Other people who drive always think I'm nuts when they find out, and I can never explain to anyone exactly why I have never had a license or drove, so that's pretty awkward. I always say I wish we all still rode horses and carriages because it's a cleaner lifestyle and I love horses lol :)
milanne milanne
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 19, 2012

I'm in the same boat, I think I am in the process of getting that driving phobia. Society is so pushy in wanting everyone to do the same thing (drive cars) but there is so many other ways of getting to places; biking, buses, rails/trains, planes, lol horses. I live in LA and it really grosses me out to see the freeways cluttered with cars that have 1 person in them! why provide so much land for cars and not have a simple lane for bikes and horses?

I don't have one either ba<x>sed on my disability and also I have never had the desire to go foward with it (there was a point in my life I could, but just didn't).