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I'm 28 and Embarassed About Not Having a Dl Yet!

I writing this because i came to this site hoping to make myself feel better. i'm pretty stressed out right now and thought maybe a little writing therapy might help me out. i also hope that someone else will read my story and it will help them feel better too. i am 28 years old and still have never gotten a driver's license. i got my learner's permit when i was in high school. i took driver's ed, and passed the class with an A but i could not pass the final driver's test. i failed it twice and felt like such a fool. i really beat myself up about it because i was in honor roll and taking college level classes, yet i could not get a handle on operating a car. there were plenty of stupid people in my class that passed. i was so embarrassed and cried in the bathroom afteri failed the second time on the last day of school. the reason i couldn't pass the driving test is because my dad would not let me drive his car to practice. we were supposed to log so many hours outside of class driving time with a parent. i'm not sure why he wouldn't let me, i think he was just paranoid that's get hurt or hurt his car, which was not even a nice one. my mom tried to take me once, but gave up on me quickly, she couldn't handle the stress. my dad was the same way with my brother, who also did not get his DL until he was 28 and about to get married. thanks dad, for screwing us both up! my resolution is to encourage my kids in the future to face their fears and help them become normal, well adjusted adults.

in college i did not need a car because i lived on campus and had my housing, classes and jobs all in a close location. later, i moved to an apartment off campus and took the bus to school. when i graduated college, i got a job only 4 blocks from my apartment and walked to work. i felt very healthy and environmentally friendly i told myself, to justify my strangeness. i tried to feel superior in my not needing a car. i was not a slave to the rising gas prices, my feet would always start, even on a cold day.  after a couple of years, i needed a better job and ended up moving to a new apartment only a few blocks from that job. i could continue to get myself to work, and had restaurants and a grocery store all within a couple of blocks of where i lived. pretty convienient.

then i got a boyfriend. he also did not have a car, or a license. he knew how to drive, he just had his license taken away for too many tickets. he really wanted to get a car and promised to teach me how to drive it. he promised to get his problems fixed and his DL back after all of tickets were paid off. he had bad credit and a crappy record, so we pooled our cash and bought a decent car from a friend's dad. it is in my name, since i have a clean record with the DOT. the boyfriend has been driving it (without a DL) for over a year now, taking me where ever i needed. it was a sweet deal, i had the benefits of a car, but i never had to drive. i always harassed him about getting his DL back so i could drive with him (as someone with a permit, i need to drive with a licensed driver to be legal, and i am more law-fearing than he is, obviously) he was full of excuses and never got his DL back, so i could never practice with him. now, after a couple of years that boyfriend and i are breaking up, the car issue being one of many reasons. even though it is already over, he lived with me and used my car to get myself and him to work every day. after this week, he will be moving out and i need to get myself to work. (now we live farther from work, not so easy to walk. i actually bought a house before i even had a driver's license, can you believe that? i feel sometimes that my life is so out of order!)

i am finally facing the point where it is no longer the easier route to NOT get my license. it was always the easy way out to just walk a few blocks to work to avoid facing my fears. now, it really is the lesser of two hard things to just drive already. only a few of my closest friends even know about my weird little quirk. my coworkers don't know, and i prefer to keep it that way. it makes me ashamed because it makes me seem like a kid. a rite of passage that i can't seem to cross. now that i'm single again, i realize how harshly i will be judged for this by potential dates. i guess after the fact, i realize what an unhealthy, codependent realtionship i was in with my ex who encouraged me to remain DL free to keep me dependent on him and without my freedom and independence. that's pretty messed up! but of course, when i was in the thick of things, i couldn't see this clearly.

today i went with a friend and took my car from the parking lot of where my ex parked it while he was at work, and we went driving around in the country for practice. my plan is to keep doing this to get a few hours of practice under my belt every night this week and hopefully, i can get my DL on Saturday morning. if i pass, then i will be driving myself to work next week! i am actually excited. nervous, yes, but looking forward to finally being able to take care of myself! I'm also looking forward to doings things by myself. Whne you rely on others, you never get to do anything in solitude. Personally, a little alone time, just walking around target whenever i please, sounds pretty great.

so that is the story of why i'm a weirdo. it sure feels like it anyway. having a secret like being without a DL at 28 is a heavy burden to bear. it is amazing how freely people judge and mock someone for not being able to drive. people can be real jerks, in fact. it is kind of a test of which friends of mine are the closest. they encourage me but don't harass. and they gladly take my gas money when i offer it. :) having had this experience myself, i know now that it is just a matter of making up your mind that it something you want to do. if you don't feel ready, don't force it. you need to have confidence behind the wheel. at least enough enthusiasm to fake it until you make it! i finally have it, and hope to report back soon that after this week of practice i have passed my DL test by Saturday. Wish me luck!

newdriver newdriver 26-30 16 Responses Aug 24, 2009

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im 24 have 2 children and am single. i failed my drivers test 2 times. and my permit expired 3 times. still no license. its so embarrassing to tell people i cant pass the test so i always tell them i got it taken away. (which i did have it suspended a few yrs ago even b4 i had my permit due to an arrest and failure to pay fines on time) but i just kept with the story to make myself feel better. every time i take the test i pass everything except parallel parking and where i live its mandatory to pass that part even though its rare you use it around here. i guess its cause we dont live to far from many big cities.

I will be 26 in February and have had my permit 3 times previously. I failed a driving test in 2012 and after that gave up hope on getting a license. I lied to coworkers about having a license, as well as friends. Very few know of my situation. I just got my permit back today tho! So I'm going to do my best and try to get my license within a few weeks! I started seeing someone, who thinks I have a license, and it's hard lying to him. I am just too embarrassed to come clean! Especially since we talked about people in their 20s with no license and he said "they need to be grown ups and get a license". I feel like a child having a permit. But I'm bettering myself slowly. And so are you! Good luck with your test! Hopefully both of us will be on the road to freedom!! I am in your shoes and know what you're going through! Almost fixed!! Yay us!!!!

For me it is a fear a failing and hurting myself or someone else. I took my test once and failed because of some bad anxiety. I know how it feels to be embarrassed. I lost alot of friends because I couldn't go out or I didn't want to get a ride from them everywhere. Now its just time for me ti get over the fear and just do it.

Wow reading your story made me feel at ease! I am 19 years old and have a big fear of driving.i am too embarrassed to let anyone know that I am scared to drive! Everybody around me knows how to drive and I am way to scared to ask them to teach me! I feel like a big looser because I have to depend on people for rides all the time or the bus!!! I'm gonna be working at a hospital as a nurse pretty soon and I don't want to be riding the bus in my scrubs;( I really need to get over my fear!

I am 28 as well, and do not drive. As a male, I justify it by much the same reasons you did (just move closer to work, just walk, its healthy, its less expensive). Unlike you, however, I often boast about not driving, in that sort of arrogant way that some people say they 'dont watch television'. I think of driving the same way as any other liscense, its optional.

I'm 18 and feel just as you do. I'm going to college "carpooling" with my brother to avoid the need to drive, and making every excuse imaginable. I have started studying the laws and plan to get my restricted license soon, and then try to get some driving time in. It sucks to have to rely on people for everything from taking you places to teaching you to drive. Your story has inspired me to do more. Congratulations on the license and the freedom!

I"m 37yrs old and dont have one no more! So your not alone.

Omg! I seriously thought I was the only one that feels this way. I'm 24 years old now and never had a dl.. I had a learners permit but it's pass due. I just feel so embarrased and feel like I'm a loser for not having my dl yet. When I was younger I never really have any experience driving with my mom or dad or anyone else until I got to take drivers Ed classes in high school. I passed it with an A and past the road test.. I was sooo proud of myself but unfortunately a couple weeks after that my parents was moving to a new state and decide to drag me along. :0( I was going to school there and had to take the class over which I didn't get a chance to because of peer pressure from friends telling me to do something else and I wasn't attending the class. I was so upset that I missed my opportunity to get my license. Then shortly after I graduated from high school my parents decided to move back to the state that we were before and of course decided to drag me back. I didn't wanna go because I already applied to a college there and already got accepted and that was the only college I applied to cause I didn't know my parents would drag me any where else. So when I got back I have to wait a year to go to college cause now i'm an out of state student. So I decided to leave my parents and come to live with my sister. I ask my sister if she can teach me driving but she would always tell me no or that she doesn't have time. I think she was just scared I might crash her car. But how would we learn if no one would teach us right?? So I found a job shortly and my sister or her husband would take me to work and pick me up. At work I would feel dumb or feel like I'm a loser if I tell any of my co-workers that I don't have a car and a drivers license because I don't want them to not like me or look down on me or anything.. Then as time goes by I met this guy and we started dating. He would take me to work and pick me up and after a while we both started going to school with each other and he would try to teach me how to drive his car but he drives a manual car and I suck at driving one and never really drove after a couple of tries. Then a year after that we got married and have a baby together and since we were so new at everything my husband had to work extra hours to support our baby and I had to quit my job and watch our baby because we have no help and couldn't afford daycare. So I never really had any time to practice driving. Then a year after that I bought a car and was practicing driving and felt really comfortable driving my car and being on the road but I still do get so nervous.. Then I went to go take the written test and passed and got my learners permit and decided to go ahead and take the road test and sadly I didn't pass because I guess I was too nervous and plus it wasn't my car that I was driving and I wasn't comfortable driving that car. And after that I never had the time to go back and take the driving test. And now my learners permit is pass due. My husband sold my car and I have no car to practice driving for at least 4 years now and recently my husband just bought me a new car and I drove it for the first time on Thursday and I have got to say I was sooo freaking nervous and I have lost my confident of driving. :0( and I lost the feel and touch of it. Every time I get into a car and drive I just get super nervous and since I have 2 kids now I just want to be confident and a safe driver for them. So please pray for me that i will get over my nervousness and get my dl soon. Thank you for all these comments! After I have read these comments it just made me feel a lot better and that I am not alone. So I am not going to give up on myself.. I will get over this fear of driving.. Thank you!! :0)

I turned 27 last month and just renewed my learners permit. I feel ashamed that I am this age and still have yet to have a DL. I have a friend I sometimes hang out with.She is two years younger and has been driving since she was 17. Every time I hang out with her I feel like crap that l don't own a car and drive myself around. She had brought up a few times about when I would ever drive and have a DL and the scenarios of a social life if l were to have one. Sometimes I feel that she looks down on me for the fact I don't have a DL. Yes, I am afraid of driving but I don't intend on having that ruin my life.I've been through two driving instructors and my dad has taking me driving a few times.My mom is the same way like the moms l read in these stories. I used to feel so alone in all this and thought of myself as this loser who would depend on mom and dad to drive me around till they die and l'm left to fend for myself. Now, after reading the stories on here about people in the same situation I have much more hope and encouragement to not give up on myself. I will try to drive more on the road and finally take a road test sometime this year. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories they all inspire me to try harder and conquer this fear of driving.

Enjoyed reading the story! I'm in a very similar situation my self, I have recently just turned 30 but in need to get my DL, I've never really drove before except for around the neighborhood. I'll be taking my permit test this week, If I pass I'm going to start driving around parking lots at first during the weekends like in empty school parking lots since there isn't typically a single car out during the weekends (except on game nights which are Friday's) and go from there. Hopefully I'll be able to get my DL, its my goal this year now that I'm 30 its time to overcome my silly fear of driving, my fear is mainly base off of accidents, i'm terrified of accidents but I know if I'm alert and know the rules of the road I should be Okay, (hopefully the statistics on new drivers and accidents won't happen to me lol) Congrats on getting your DL, I laughed at wandering around Target just to do so! It sounds like something I would do when or If I get my DL, haha.

Forgot to mention, My husband has been teaching me, it hasn't been too bad but there are moments! lol...lately I'm more excited about getting a DL, still nervous but not as bad with knowing I will have a lot of independence and I'll be able to get myself to and from work without having to worry. :)

I have been absolutely terrified of driving. I am 24. Today I faced my fears and did it. I was on busy roads and all. The instructor said I was a great driver and didnt understand why I waited so long. I no longer feel nervous about it anymore. Hoping to have my license the end of Feb since I have to be on the permit 30 day minimum! There is people that don't have their license and it's not weird. People have different phobias.

I am 23 without a license. I am already on my second learner's permit. I went into Walmart not to long ago to buy a game for my brother and the cashier asked for my I'd, so I showed her my learner's permit and she was like WOW, I really felt so small. I have tried to talk my mom into going with me to practice, but she doesn't want to. She gets really freaked out when I make the smallest mistake I guess she expects me to be the worlds greatest driver with the little practice I have had. I just really want and need to get my drivers license cuz I'm tired of depending on others to take me where I need to go. I want to be able to get up and go whenever I please and not have to walk everywhere. My friends offer to let me go driving around the college campus on the weekends, but even that freaks me out. I have a college degree and a full- time job (I walk to work) but I can't bring myself to go and try for my drivers license smh. I am going to make it a part of my New Year's resolution to get my drivers license... 2012!!!!!!!?

I'm gonna be 26 years old soon and I still don't have a drivers license. I rely on my Mom to drive me places or the bus or train or my own two legs. I'm very ashamed of it also. I don't tell anyone about it at work or anything because people say such rude things about people who don't drive, like omg there such bums or there not responsible. I know plenty of people who have drivers license that arent responsible. I on the other hand have completed high school a whole year early, went to college, and have a career and work hard every day and pay bills. But because I have this fear of driving I'm considered a bum. It really hurts when I hear people say things like that because it isn't true. I got a learners permit twice but never went threw with the road test let alone paracticing. My friends always ask me why I don't have a drivers license, and I always say I can't afford a car, or car inssurance is exspensive or something to that effect. But I'm really embarassed about it now and I even called a driving school to take driving lessons and when the guy on the other end of the phone asked my age he was completely surprised and it I decided not to go threw with it because I was so embarassed. But I live in NJ and I either have to move NYC where there is mass transportation, or I have to get my drivers license. I have come to the conclusions that if I don't get my DL before I turn 27 then thats it I'm moving. I'm sorry for venting like this but no one understands my situation and it's absolutely frustrating and it's making me depressed. If anyone can offer me any tips or anything that you think would help PLEASE let me know.

I just read this and I realize it is a couple years old, but it was like reading a page from my mind. Did anyone respond to you?? Did you ever find the courage to get it? I feel like I'm stuck and I dont know what to do

update: i got it! one tiny hangup- when i went to take the test in my own car, i couldn't, because my driver's side window is broken and won't roll down. that was so frustrating, because i had waited for two hours to go out there for the test! gah! but, the next week, i went back and took the test in my sister's car and passed on the first try! yay! i'm so excited to have this independence now to be able to come and go as i please. it has been a VERY long time coming!

Good Luck for Saturday. your story brings back memory's of me going for mine DL, thank you. :)

My parents did not allow me to get a driver license till I was eighteen, I had graduated from high school for about six months prior to that date. So to see my friends and others who could already drive was depressing. I guess they felt I was not ready, so I trusted their judgment.



So now your life stands to change a lot, for the better, with this accomplishment and new freedom. Don't worry about being a weirdo, we are all weird in our own ways, that is good.



Good luck to you and drive safely!