I'm 28 and Embarassed About Not Having a Dl Yet!
I writing this because i came to this site hoping to make myself feel better. i'm pretty stressed out right now and thought maybe a little writing therapy might help me out. i also hope that someone else will read my story and it will help them feel better too. i am 28 years old and still have never gotten a driver's license. i got my learner's permit when i was in high school. i took driver's ed, and passed the class with an A but i could not pass the final driver's test. i failed it twice and felt like such a fool. i really beat myself up about it because i was in honor roll and taking college level classes, yet i could not get a handle on operating a car. there were plenty of stupid people in my class that passed. i was so embarrassed and cried in the bathroom afteri failed the second time on the last day of school. the reason i couldn't pass the driving test is because my dad would not let me drive his car to practice. we were supposed to log so many hours outside of class driving time with a parent. i'm not sure why he wouldn't let me, i think he was just paranoid that's get hurt or hurt his car, which was not even a nice one. my mom tried to take me once, but gave up on me quickly, she couldn't handle the stress. my dad was the same way with my brother, who also did not get his DL until he was 28 and about to get married. thanks dad, for screwing us both up! my resolution is to encourage my kids in the future to face their fears and help them become normal, well adjusted adults.
in college i did not need a car because i lived on campus and had my housing, classes and jobs all in a close location. later, i moved to an apartment off campus and took the bus to school. when i graduated college, i got a job only 4 blocks from my apartment and walked to work. i felt very healthy and environmentally friendly i told myself, to justify my strangeness. i tried to feel superior in my not needing a car. i was not a slave to the rising gas prices, my feet would always start, even on a cold day. after a couple of years, i needed a better job and ended up moving to a new apartment only a few blocks from that job. i could continue to get myself to work, and had restaurants and a grocery store all within a couple of blocks of where i lived. pretty convienient.
then i got a boyfriend. he also did not have a car, or a license. he knew how to drive, he just had his license taken away for too many tickets. he really wanted to get a car and promised to teach me how to drive it. he promised to get his problems fixed and his DL back after all of tickets were paid off. he had bad credit and a crappy record, so we pooled our cash and bought a decent car from a friend's dad. it is in my name, since i have a clean record with the DOT. the boyfriend has been driving it (without a DL) for over a year now, taking me where ever i needed. it was a sweet deal, i had the benefits of a car, but i never had to drive. i always harassed him about getting his DL back so i could drive with him (as someone with a permit, i need to drive with a licensed driver to be legal, and i am more law-fearing than he is, obviously) he was full of excuses and never got his DL back, so i could never practice with him. now, after a couple of years that boyfriend and i are breaking up, the car issue being one of many reasons. even though it is already over, he lived with me and used my car to get myself and him to work every day. after this week, he will be moving out and i need to get myself to work. (now we live farther from work, not so easy to walk. i actually bought a house before i even had a driver's license, can you believe that? i feel sometimes that my life is so out of order!)
i am finally facing the point where it is no longer the easier route to NOT get my license. it was always the easy way out to just walk a few blocks to work to avoid facing my fears. now, it really is the lesser of two hard things to just drive already. only a few of my closest friends even know about my weird little quirk. my coworkers don't know, and i prefer to keep it that way. it makes me ashamed because it makes me seem like a kid. a rite of passage that i can't seem to cross. now that i'm single again, i realize how harshly i will be judged for this by potential dates. i guess after the fact, i realize what an unhealthy, codependent realtionship i was in with my ex who encouraged me to remain DL free to keep me dependent on him and without my freedom and independence. that's pretty messed up! but of course, when i was in the thick of things, i couldn't see this clearly.
today i went with a friend and took my car from the parking lot of where my ex parked it while he was at work, and we went driving around in the country for practice. my plan is to keep doing this to get a few hours of practice under my belt every night this week and hopefully, i can get my DL on Saturday morning. if i pass, then i will be driving myself to work next week! i am actually excited. nervous, yes, but looking forward to finally being able to take care of myself! I'm also looking forward to doings things by myself. Whne you rely on others, you never get to do anything in solitude. Personally, a little alone time, just walking around target whenever i please, sounds pretty great.
so that is the story of why i'm a weirdo. it sure feels like it anyway. having a secret like being without a DL at 28 is a heavy burden to bear. it is amazing how freely people judge and mock someone for not being able to drive. people can be real jerks, in fact. it is kind of a test of which friends of mine are the closest. they encourage me but don't harass. and they gladly take my gas money when i offer it. :) having had this experience myself, i know now that it is just a matter of making up your mind that it something you want to do. if you don't feel ready, don't force it. you need to have confidence behind the wheel. at least enough enthusiasm to fake it until you make it! i finally have it, and hope to report back soon that after this week of practice i have passed my DL test by Saturday. Wish me luck!