I Don't Have a Facebook
Then, one day, walking amongst the millions who have a cellphone parked in front of their face, I glance into one of the small glowing screens. It is then I remember that society was sucked into the black hole that exists within the internet - Facebook.
Facebook - oh, the perilous journey to a truly all-knowing and all-seeing state. Within it, you can be in the shoes of dozens of people all at once (even complete strangers, which gracefully prevents the creepy encounter involving someone you've never met walking up to you and declaring you their friend in real life ["Thank you, Facebook, for turning stalking into normality," says a random college student with a eerily dark glint in their eye, glad to be rid of the inconvenience.]). Within it, there is no need for letters, e-mail, or even phone conversations. All the riff-raff of traditional face-to-face contact is finally pushed into the time of cavemen. The time and effort of getting to know someone by a gradually and naturally developing friendship has proven to be a primitive waste. Why be there when you can look and read about it as if you were there anyway? Why speak when letters on a keyboard are there to meet you no matter what time of day?
Oh, the revolution that has befallen the planet. In these times I must struggle to remember where society has gone. I have to remind myself why I never hear from friends and family - their lives are on Facebook now, and for them to update poor lost souls who still live outside its borders is an exasperation. I must remember it is all my fault for not remaining connected when human kind has advanced into blissful reality away from reality.
Suddenly I see a face on the street I haven't in years. I stop and give a friendly "Hello! It's been ages, how are you?" and am greeted with a baffled opening of the mouth - a skeptical raise of the eyebrows. "What, you're not dead? I thought you were, but apparently you were just too good to make it easy on me to contact you," they reply. I begin to say, "Oh, I'll give you information to call me to meet up sometime the--"
But they run away screaming about how I'm not real, and I am left alone, again remembering that I should know better by now, as a primitive cave-person, to not dare attempt connection with the truly evolved human specimens of this new age.
Facebook - oh, the perilous journey to a truly all-knowing and all-seeing state. Within it, you can be in the shoes of dozens of people all at once (even complete strangers, which gracefully prevents the creepy encounter involving someone you've never met walking up to you and declaring you their friend in real life ["Thank you, Facebook, for turning stalking into normality," says a random college student with a eerily dark glint in their eye, glad to be rid of the inconvenience.]). Within it, there is no need for letters, e-mail, or even phone conversations. All the riff-raff of traditional face-to-face contact is finally pushed into the time of cavemen. The time and effort of getting to know someone by a gradually and naturally developing friendship has proven to be a primitive waste. Why be there when you can look and read about it as if you were there anyway? Why speak when letters on a keyboard are there to meet you no matter what time of day?
Oh, the revolution that has befallen the planet. In these times I must struggle to remember where society has gone. I have to remind myself why I never hear from friends and family - their lives are on Facebook now, and for them to update poor lost souls who still live outside its borders is an exasperation. I must remember it is all my fault for not remaining connected when human kind has advanced into blissful reality away from reality.
Suddenly I see a face on the street I haven't in years. I stop and give a friendly "Hello! It's been ages, how are you?" and am greeted with a baffled opening of the mouth - a skeptical raise of the eyebrows. "What, you're not dead? I thought you were, but apparently you were just too good to make it easy on me to contact you," they reply. I begin to say, "Oh, I'll give you information to call me to meet up sometime the--"
But they run away screaming about how I'm not real, and I am left alone, again remembering that I should know better by now, as a primitive cave-person, to not dare attempt connection with the truly evolved human specimens of this new age.
By:
discommodious
Age:
22-25
,
Female
3
responses
