I Miss U Mum

theres no grater loss iv ever experienced than losing my mother.... ill never forget that night...i caould desribe it from begging to end. i just new she was gone:-( my mum had already been in hospital for several days as she had another heart attack, the drs said she was going to be fine as long as she lost some weight so she coild have an angioplasty done. i saw her that afternoon. she seemed like she was doing better however was a bit out of it as she was on alot of drugs...im so thankful that as i was leaving the hospital the last words id ever hear form my mums mouth was "i love u baby girl" as i sit here and type this i can feel her presence and i am almost reduced to tears:-( it was that night i was awoken by my brothers now x girlfriend who told me he and dad had to go up to the hospital as mum had had a relapse and it was at that point i knew it was all over. everyone for days had been saying she wasnt going to make it however i kept strong until that point, simply for the fact i remebered the drs saying if she had another relapse that she wouldnt make it as she only had 1chamber working:-( consiquently on the moring of october 1 1999 8days b4 her 54bday she passed away. i remeber my brother comming home with my dad about 3am and then my dad asked me if i wanted to go up and see her and i off we went. we arrived at 355am and as soon as we got there, i could see he bed. my worst fear had become reality. i could see her bed and there she was just lying there no nurses or dr around or anything. my dad said maybe shes just stabelised and sleeping but i new. then i male nurse came out and said the usual, "im sorry we did everything we could but her heart just collapesed" my father almost collapsed. he sat with a drink of water while i stood over my mum crying telling her to wake up. she passed away at 350am 5mins b4 we got there so she was still all coloured and just looked like she was sleeping. i remeber running down the hall way of the hospital and i felt when she passed cause i keeled over and told dad to hurry up. i didnt really cry to much at the hospital as i wanted to be stong for my dad. he didnt cope so well. he loved my mum so much!!! it was when i got home and i had to tell my brother that mum had passed that i lost it...ive never cried so much and it was that point in my life i vowed to lock my heart up and give it to my mum and i would never love another the way i love her and to this day i never have. i dont want to risk that kind of pain ever again. consequently i build walls and dont let anyone in!!! i love my mum so much and i miss her every single day of my life. it will be 8yrs this year and yet it still feels like it was yesterday rest in peace OXOXO what id guve to just spend one day with her and to haveher hugs and kisses or to juts hear her voice or smell her perfume. its things like this that no matter how hard i try, the memories slowly fade:-(
mtbgirl1984 mtbgirl1984
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 11, 2007

I know how you feel dear .. R.I.P your mum .. <br />
I hope you healed your pain dear I know it's too difficult but try to do it .. as i'm doing it already .. <br />
it is too bad to see the memories slowly fade .. god help u dear .. <3 <3