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We Aren't Friends Most Days...

I have been yelled at by countless people in my life for being too skinny. I am keeping track of my weight, and I am typically within a pound or two of the bottom of my healthy weight bracket. Sometimes I slip under, but I always make sure to gain a few pounds as quickly as possible when it happens. Some have accused me of being anorexic, and at times, I definitely show symptoms of it. I have bipolar, which makes me really manic and unable to sit still some days, and depressed to the point where I see no reason to get out of bed other days. On the manic days, I am racing around between one activity to the next in 0 seconds flat, and I am too busy with my mania to feel hungry or stop to think about food, so I don't eat. Then, on the days where I'm depressed, I have no appetite and see no reason to eat, since the only reason I would normally eat would be to remain alive, and I see no point in staying alive. Today, I'm somewhere in the middle, and I have somewhat of an appetite, or at least as much of an appetite as I ever get, so I am doing my best to eat, but I after a few bites, I feel full to the point of feeling sick. I have bad inidgestion, which is yet another reason me and food aren't friends for the most part. Anyway, I doubt this will ever change, it hasn't since the day I was born. Even as a baby, I would reject my bottle after only a small amount of formula, so I doubt my appetite will ever increase. Is my relationship with food normal? No. Is it healthy, maybe or maybe not, I don't know. Do I have any intentions on changing just to appease the people in my life who say I'm too thin? No. Especially, since a few of the peoploe accusing me of being too thin have outright admitted to me behind closed doors that the only reason they want me to gain weight is because they are overweight, and feel that they look bad next to my stick-like self.
ladyzantorian ladyzantorian 18-21, F Jan 11, 2012

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