I Don't Have a Relationship With My Parents
I wish I could hear from someone since I feel I am the only one in this situation.
My father died when I was small. My mum was only with him a short time before he died but she won't let go of how he treated her and she has become bitter. She and I were very close since it is only the two of us in this country, but when I had panic attacks over a bad experience overseas when I was only a teenager she didn't know how to deal with it and backed off on me. I've felt that part of it was also since my basic personality and looks remind her of my dad, because of some things she has said over the years. She went on talking to me on the phone but wouldn't see me. When more recently I got over the panic attacks, I visited her but by then she'd become bitter, lashing out a lot and saying hurtful things which my friends also sympathized with me about, and when I had trouble not speaking up to her about this she then blamed me and stopped seeing me again. I've been living overseas most of the time recently so I've also been able to lie about how often she sees me or what she is like. And being overseas also helped me not be depressed over her not seeing me when I'm here since it somehow made things more normal (I mean if I'm out of the country then of course we can only talk on the phone, so that's normal). The only problem was, she also got mad that I couldn't afford to call her more than every couple of weeks or so (she has a phone plan but expected me to be the one to call her). She is also very controlling and I think this is why I've had trouble finding the right relationship, since she doesnt let me figure things out for myself whenever I meet a guy I like. She really sheltered me and I've only now had 2 boyfriends although I'm attractive and have had many men interested in me all along. Anyway, a couple of years ago when I spoke up to her finally about some of her treatment when I was overseas, and told her that I couldn't really afford to call her so often (she wouldn't get a computer for Skype) and that I might need to call her slightly less until she worked out another way to treat me when I'm in the country, she then "punished" me for speaking up (I'd done it in a calm voice and it's the first time I ever did since I'd let her control things) by not answering the phone for 1.5 years and telling people around her that I was a bad person and that that was the reason. She had really sheltered me, so I never really rebelled (and as an adult didn't want to), never did drugs, more than very occasional social drinking, no smoking, no bad language, no sleeping with guys without marriage (I'm pretty spiritual, and was raised very conservatively) and I'm also polite, friendly and get along with almost everyone and almost never get angry with anyone in my life, yet she told people that I was awful and that that was why she had then cut me off and they believed it. She has no real friends so these were the man working on the property and the homemaker, who she sees only occassionally herself so they dont know her well enough to judge, and they hardly know me at all since I've almost never been able to visit so they can't judge for themselves. Anyway, I wrote her a number of letters since I was very worried about her being older and alone like that, so she finally is now back to telephone contact but even though I'm actually in the same city now, she controls it by saying I'm not to call more than every few weeks (before when I was in the city it was almost every day that we talked).
Anyway I think the whole thing may seem weird but from her angle it is the former panic attacks I'd had and also, now that I'm over that, my speaking up to her when i visited and she lashed out all the time and said things to hurt and shocked me. But that didn't make her talk less on the phone, so the real reason seems to be that a couple of years ago I spoke up to her politely about her behaviour when I'm in the country.
She is my only family, although now during the last couple of years i have had my boyfriend. Other than that I have no one.
My father died when I was small. My mum was only with him a short time before he died but she won't let go of how he treated her and she has become bitter. She and I were very close since it is only the two of us in this country, but when I had panic attacks over a bad experience overseas when I was only a teenager she didn't know how to deal with it and backed off on me. I've felt that part of it was also since my basic personality and looks remind her of my dad, because of some things she has said over the years. She went on talking to me on the phone but wouldn't see me. When more recently I got over the panic attacks, I visited her but by then she'd become bitter, lashing out a lot and saying hurtful things which my friends also sympathized with me about, and when I had trouble not speaking up to her about this she then blamed me and stopped seeing me again. I've been living overseas most of the time recently so I've also been able to lie about how often she sees me or what she is like. And being overseas also helped me not be depressed over her not seeing me when I'm here since it somehow made things more normal (I mean if I'm out of the country then of course we can only talk on the phone, so that's normal). The only problem was, she also got mad that I couldn't afford to call her more than every couple of weeks or so (she has a phone plan but expected me to be the one to call her). She is also very controlling and I think this is why I've had trouble finding the right relationship, since she doesnt let me figure things out for myself whenever I meet a guy I like. She really sheltered me and I've only now had 2 boyfriends although I'm attractive and have had many men interested in me all along. Anyway, a couple of years ago when I spoke up to her finally about some of her treatment when I was overseas, and told her that I couldn't really afford to call her so often (she wouldn't get a computer for Skype) and that I might need to call her slightly less until she worked out another way to treat me when I'm in the country, she then "punished" me for speaking up (I'd done it in a calm voice and it's the first time I ever did since I'd let her control things) by not answering the phone for 1.5 years and telling people around her that I was a bad person and that that was the reason. She had really sheltered me, so I never really rebelled (and as an adult didn't want to), never did drugs, more than very occasional social drinking, no smoking, no bad language, no sleeping with guys without marriage (I'm pretty spiritual, and was raised very conservatively) and I'm also polite, friendly and get along with almost everyone and almost never get angry with anyone in my life, yet she told people that I was awful and that that was why she had then cut me off and they believed it. She has no real friends so these were the man working on the property and the homemaker, who she sees only occassionally herself so they dont know her well enough to judge, and they hardly know me at all since I've almost never been able to visit so they can't judge for themselves. Anyway, I wrote her a number of letters since I was very worried about her being older and alone like that, so she finally is now back to telephone contact but even though I'm actually in the same city now, she controls it by saying I'm not to call more than every few weeks (before when I was in the city it was almost every day that we talked).
Anyway I think the whole thing may seem weird but from her angle it is the former panic attacks I'd had and also, now that I'm over that, my speaking up to her when i visited and she lashed out all the time and said things to hurt and shocked me. But that didn't make her talk less on the phone, so the real reason seems to be that a couple of years ago I spoke up to her politely about her behaviour when I'm in the country.
She is my only family, although now during the last couple of years i have had my boyfriend. Other than that I have no one.
By:
An EP User
