I Don't Have Friends...

I am a 22 year old girl with a nice personality and good looks. For a short period in my life, i enjoyed the company of others and having a nice group of friends that i thought i would be friends with for a long time (i went to a girl's school). During this time i guess i wasn't exactly the best looking girl around especially in comparison to what was consisdered "hot" during high school however, it all came with age. I only realised this after i noticed that i was getting some attention from males. Overtime, my friendships with the girls became worse and worse (the usual bitching, cold shoulders, smart-*** comments and general distaste towards me) and by the time i finished school, the group of five girls i spent all of high school with all kept in contact with each other and left me out of the everything. Whenever i called it was all sugar and honey but up until today (5 years later), i have only seen a few of them on 1 or 2 occasions and they have secretly deleted me off FB etc. Now... I detest females.

My brother was in a year above me in the boys school next door and his friends were mine, as mine were his (yes my ex-girlfriends they kept in touch with him). I got used to having guy friends, until as years passed, each and everyone of them at some point wanted more. And all this is still the case today.

I have an older sister who is very pretty also but my relationship with her is up and down. Whenever she gets drunk she swears at me and calls me a "****" and a "*****" and that and says things like "she thinks she's so great and good looking, I'm the hot one" and then proceeds to tell me how much she hates me. She used to be my mentor growing up. Guys have tried to hook up with me while they have girlfriends and even when there girlfriends are there.

Girls don't like me and if they do at first, eventually they won't. The f***ked up thing is that being honest is the part that get's me in trouble. If a friends boyfriend does this, i tell them and after that i never hear from them again, and they stay with their man. Besides that i would suppose that the others may be jealous (I have one female friend). 98% of men are attracted to me (i have only one male friend that i've been friends with for 5 years now that has never been interested in me).

I have had three relationships, the first was a high school puppy love. The second was sleeping with strippers, going to brothels and sleeping with others girls one out of the two years we were together (as far as i found out) and the third was violent alcoholic.

I liked being attractive, especially because i wasn't as a younger girl, but i have discovered that maybe the negatives aspects outweigh the positives. My socials skills used to be amazing, now they're are appalling. I loved experiencing all the different things there are to experience in life. Now i sit in a hole in my room playing computer games, drinking (by myself), smoking and sleeping. I don't answer my phone when my two friends call me because i feel like i don't know how to communicate with them without sounding pathetic. The biggest positive from this so far is that i have been able to focus and spend loads of time on my uni studies and my goal in life. Now i think it's gotten the point of no return. Being a loner is part of my life and my feelings towards people have been so long/far embedded in me that i almost don't think or want to know about or have it another way.
SlotheriuS SlotheriuS
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

wow. your sister is a *****. <br />
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you should try exercising. it will make you a lot more productive so you don't wanna just sleep and be a bum and you will wanna go out and do things.