I Don't Have Any Friends

Where Is This All Going?

By: Shmeggley

Written on February 26th, 2012

I'm 38, married with 2 children, steady job with decent coworkers, but I keep a secret from the people I work with. I feel like I'd die if they discovered I have not one single friend. My wife has openly mocked me when I criticized one of the terrible people she knows, saying "At least I have friends"
After New Year's when a coworker asked what I did it came out that I just stayed home, preferring not to get too wild. She asked me why I didn't at least "just hang out with some friends". I just shrugged.
It's not like I've never had friends. In school I was always with at least a few close friends. Same at university. Always they were people close at hand, that I really couldn't have avoided if I'd tried. Still I was lucky to have them. Only now do I realize how lucky I really was. Later the group split and drifted apart, and I never kept in touch. Met up again on FB a few years ago, but none of them seemed to have much to say to me. After a few brief conversations and the odd comment here and there, I gave up and deleted my account. After I lost touch with the old group I made a few friends here and there, only to be hurt and betrayed by them. So now I do without friends, despite the loneliness. I have some family nearby, and my own little family, without which I'd be totally alone. Sometimes I miss my old friends terribly, but that is likely just pining for the old days in which I knew them. I distrust almost everyone now, and I keep anyone who tries to be friendly at a distance, and I won't reach out to anyone. Even online I don't make friend requests or whatever. I don't know what I expect to gain by writing this, except I have no one else to tell.

By: Shmeggley

Age: 36-40 , Male

573 people have read this story

Email:

Username:

Password:

Birthday:

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.

25 responses

beanie12s

wow reading this is totally me i have the same issues when my co workers ask me what i did for holidays and weekends i say nothing special but i really wish i had someone to go place with i think it would help me to be more out going

s

May 5, 2012
1 like
moose81

Thank all of you for posting your thoughts about this topic. I also am always struggling to come out of my shell and I have a few years on most of you.

Apr 22, 2012
2 likes
jpearl66

Hope you are doing well.

Apr 8, 2012
2 likes
- Shmeggley
  Thanks, I am doing OK today.
  
  Apr 8, 2012
  1 like
- Buckminsterfullerene99
  Keep in touch
  
  Apr 8, 2012
  1 like
- jpearl66
  Hope you can add me as friend. I am in the middle of what you're going through. We are your support group.
  
  Apr 9, 2012
  1 like
ikem

Reveal that secret and life will turn to the better!

Mar 21, 2012
1 like
- Shmeggley
  I don't know, it's not something I could just come out and say. People might think it's strange. And worse, they might pity me. I don't want that.
  
  Mar 30, 2012
  1 like
Buckminsterfullerene99

@Shmeggley, you saved me the trouble of writing my own experience. It's fascinating how similar our experiences are. I'm basically living for my kids, who I love dearly. My wife and I are in the process of separating, so it's been tough lately with no supports. (I have family, but telling them would create new problems that I would rather avoid for now.)

Your comment about conversation: I find it difficult to keep a conversation going. I don't have conventional interests, and I think I tend to like factual information that's difficult to express.

Mar 15, 2012
3 likes
- Shmeggley
  Yep, I think we no-friends types have a lot in common by the sounds of it. I am way more confident dealing with and explaining technical things than anything personal. The more personal the conversation gets the more anxious I get to bail out.
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
- Shmeggley
  Sorry to hear about your breakup btw, I am working on keeping my own marriage afloat but it's been rough.
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
- Buckminsterfullerene99
  Keep at it! Go to counselling if it seems right.
  
  Mar 21, 2012
  1 like
- Buckminsterfullerene99
  Lots in common, but it seems the most unlikely to make friends in person. Every problem has a solution, right? It just needs some social context for some like-minded introverts to meet.
  
  Mar 21, 2012
  1 like
1 More Reply
SkippingTheGoldenYears

My dad lost touch with all his friends too when he was your age, didn't hang out with coworkers after hours either, just stuck with our own immediate family, and when that broke apart there was nothing left. Now he's miserable so i suggest you try to get some friends, at least one

Mar 15, 2012
2 likes
- Shmeggley
  Thanks, you know I am working on it. It's tough after isolating myself so long, but I know I need to do it. Sorry about your family, mine broke up when I was 13.
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
- SkippingTheGoldenYears
  Yea it's okay, sorry bout yours too. I've isolated myself too so I know it's hard to make friends, im having some good practice on EP tho!
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
leftbehindalone

I think the worst thing about not having friends is I am going through a severely traumatic time right now. I have no support system. I'm surviving it alone. The person who committed this crime against me knows this. He was my gynecologist for years, so I trusted him. He told me he had fallen in love with me and wanted to marry me. I believed him. Turns out that was a lie. The entire story is disturbing. He did terrible things to me and threatens to ruin my life if I tell. I just want a hand to hold so I can stand up to this predator.

Mar 11, 2012
4 likes
- Shmeggley
  Stay strong, you can get through it.
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
- moose81
  Sorry to hear of your bad experience. I hope that you will be all right :)
  
  Apr 22, 2012
  1 like
jpearl66

I am in your shoes. I don't have any friends. either

Mar 7, 2012
3 likes
leftbehindalone

I do not have a single friend. I have a great job. I'm considered above average in attractiveness, I'm funny...women copy my style...every body gossips about me. Still, not a.single person in my life. Not even my family talks to me. I spd every night alone crying. Then I wake up go to work. Repeat. Why are we like this. You are not alone. I envy you.

Mar 5, 2012
3 likes
- Shmeggley
  I read your story, it's not right how you were treated. You're right, I am lucky to have my family, they are truly what keeps me going. It's hard though, feeling like you can't really connect with people. I've been working on it, and I'm slowly starting to feel like it's OK to be me again, if that makes sense. From the sounds of it you are a special lady, and you won't be alone forever. It's really tough for me to trust people still,but I'm starting to learn that I need to trust myself first. Keep at it, there's no choice but to move on right?
  
  Mar 6, 2012
  1 like
Mmmmme

Ya need to start trusting again. There's alot of good people out there somewhere. Take Mmmmme for example...lol....I've never hurt or betrayed anyone. And yes, I've been hurt by so-called friends as well. That didn't stop me from trusting again. That's life. There's nothing wrong with conversating.....If it doesn't feel right, move on to the next. That's what I do anyways.

Feb 28, 2012
3 likes
- Shmeggley
  Thanks. Conversation never really feels right to me though. I must be doing it wrong.
  
  Mar 15, 2012
  1 like
- Mmmmme
  You're so welcome. If conversations aren't feeling right to ya, you're not talking to the right people. But ya need to make the best of it...at the time anyways. Don't think there's a right or wrong way of doing 'it'. It isn't you, it's the company. I say, just go with the flow....Put on a fake smile if ya have to and start talking up a storm....Loosen up and let it all out. You'll feel better in no time.
  
  Mar 16, 2012
  1 like

Your Response