Forever Alone

My life story is Horrible. All I know is that I have survived.
Friends?? ME?? Nah... I have had a few... Usually people who just need you to do them favors. I am always alone..
Parents??? ME?? What are parents?? Mother?? Father? Family? Love?? Holidays?? ME? Nah.. Never had that. My heart beats so fast as I write to complete strangers.. What am I doing?
My mother is a mentally ill patient..lived with her untill I was Six years old battling her illness and living though it.. With my only sister who is 3 1/2 years older. My mother abandoned us at an Airport.. She couldn't take care of us anymore... We didn't have any clothes or food.. Just left us there. Untill Family found us... Collected clothes and were living from Aunt to Aunt( separated) aunts couldn't take us both. Father?? He is a abusive human being.... If that could be said of him. He took us in... And it was hell. HELL. Boy were we hit.. Cuts... Bruises. Sister had it worse: I was protected by My Angel. She couldn't take it anymore and left... Abanded me also.. I got sent away by myself to live with Paternal Granparents. Ever since then... I have been alone.
I am a very quiet person. Have always felt safe in a room all to myself reading. I am very insecure of my self and not liked by many... I keep to myself. I've always wondered of there is someone out there who has the same scars that I do. I've always wonderd what is Happiness... It's time I move on... Try to make friends... But why can't I. I see how people are. How shallow; fake. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
Who am I.... That is the most important part. I am an amazing woman with a heart so big that it is only filled with sadness.
29jenny 29jenny
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I can relate.

I am sorry for what you have been through. Not everyone is fake...you just have to look hard to figure out which people are truly genuine. And if you open your mind and find the good in people, they will often do the same for you. I hope you find happiness

I can relate and you are brave to post. Having an abusive childhood makes trust difficult. I have a similar story and i also have physical illness, probably brought on by all the years of stress. Keep reaching out--some of us understand.